I met someone last night. She was awesome and we instantly were talking like we had been friends for 15 years. Her kids were cute and got along with my kids well so we are probably going to be spending a ton of time together. See I started out in September with this crazy goal: I am going to hold a 5 minute conversation with someone new every day. Thus far, one day purely by stranger text, I have done just that. Some were weird and I most likely won't talk to them again, but some are like this girl and I will be seeing her almost daily.
Into the good part now I promise: We began talking about guys that are HFFA. They look good at a distance, but when you walk up on them, they make you want to turn and walk the other way. Sometimes it isn't even about the looks.
Many "men" look good on paper. (Ladies we all have a checklist, let's just admit it.) Job, car, his own place, money in his pocket, good credit, nice looking, educated, funny, smart, responsible, mature and caring all have their place on my list. I once a had guy that looked great on paper. He did and said all the right things, but when it came down to it, he was extremely immature, irresponsible, and just plain uncaring. He still puts on his mask as prince charming every day and some girl is liable to believe it. I pity that girl.
The truth is we all have our ugly moments. (Mine normally come first thing in the morning, messy hair, bad, attitude, morning breath.) However, after a brush, toothpaste, and some caffeine, I am no longer hot from a distance, but I am ok close up too.
I caught myself being sad this week. A certain person told me that I would be married and happy had I not had my children. I love my kids. I love the good and the bad. I love waking up to a crying child crawling into my bed after a nightmare. I live for giving high fives when my children get a perfect score on a test. I like feeding the geese, eating happy meals, and singing silly songs because my radio isn't working. I live my life for my children.
Some people want to be firemen, police officers, ballerinas, doctors or lawyers when they grow up. While I wanted to be a journalist, lawyer, and a mortician at various points in my life, I always had two other goals: wife and mom. Those feelings never changed. I always wanted a big noisy house with lots of love and laughter. I think it may be that way since I was an only child. I also wanted to fall asleep with a man that loved me and my huge family at the end of the night. I have parts and pieces of what I want, but I never ever pictured them in the way in which they have came.
My life without having children with the wrong men, would have been so much different. I would have been more financially stable. I would probably have a thriving career. I would drive a nicer car, live in a better neighborhood, and go camping on weekends. However, I don't know that for a fact. Let's just say that I would have had those things, there is nothing to say that my SUV wouldn't get hit by a semi tomorrow and kill my whole family. No matter how upset I am with the way things didn't turn out, there is no way that I would exchange it for what could be worse.
One day I will find the guy that is as good in person as he is on paper. I won't walk up on him without his mask on and want to keep walking. He will love us and be a part of our family, not complete it. We are a complete family with or without a man in it. Basically, I am writing all this because it is what I am thinking as I meet strangers. They all seem nice. They all seem unhappy though. They all have problems and so far they have all opened up to me because my life (on paper) seems worse than their own. Not one of them has made me want to turn away when they are not "hot enough".
Lesson for the day, especially when it comes to facebook, we all act happy on the outside. We all look good from a distance. However, the ones that seem really happy at a distance, are usually the most ugly close up. Just saying.
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