To My BFF

Dear Alisha,

You are about to embark on the greatest journey of your life. You are going to be in pain lots and lots of pain. You are going to forget to breathe, feel like you have to take a massive shit, and then push a pineapple through a lemon hole. Don't worry it gets better, I promise.

Meeting your daughter is like having an Internet boyfriend for 9 months. You've never met them and looked them directly in the face, but you feel like you have truly gotten to know them over those 9 months. No matter what you plan for, think you know, or dream of, actually meeting your daughter will not be as you planned. There are no words to describe the love you will feel for the tiny, bloody human they place on, instead of in your stomach for the first time. The emotions are over-whelming. You have spent nine months in expectation of what she will look like, how much you will love her, and how your life will change. She will exceed your every expectation.

I was once told that having a baby would change me. I didn't expect a total transformation. I got one though. When I took my son home everything became a hazard. Will he pull the bookcase on his head? Will he bite the electrical wires? Will he find the knife drawer and carve our turkey in my sleep? Ultimately one day you will realize that not everything will kill her. You won't knock her umbilical cord off on accident. You won't be so tired you fall asleep while giving her a bath. She's not going to die of diaper rash.

You will spend months waiting for each milestone. Each accomplishment will become your accomplishment. When she crawls, you will brag to the world that she is crawling. Just remember that the pains she feels will hurt worse than your own pain. So the first time she takes a step and face-plants, you may cry too. You will focus so much on every aspect of her life, that eventually you will see the world differently. Everything she knows will come from you. Just remember, for everything you teach her, she will teach you two things.

She will trust everyone. So teach her that people (especially men) lie. Also, teach her to be honest despite the deceit around her. Show her love. Tell her you love her daily. Give her kisses and hugs, even when she thinks she is too old.

All too soon she will be walking up to pre-school with a back-pack, a new outfit, and depending on her personality, tears or a giant smile.  Christopher pushed me away and didn't need me anymore that day. I didn't do it there, but I got in the van and absolutely bawled.  Then the next year she will be boarding a giant yellow bus. The day will be full of pictures and tears. That's about what I know as my oldest will only be turning 8 soon.

The other stuff I know is that there is no right way to be a mom. There is only your way and everybody else's way. You will get a ton of unsolicited advice. You will have to decide which advice to use. Sometimes you will need advice. Don't hesitate to get it. Make good choices when possible. Someday you will make a mistake, when you do forgive yourself and apologize to her. Stand by your decisions. Stick to grounding. Be firm, but know when to have fun. Remember there is humor in even the most angering situations. So when she drops the entire carton of eggs on the kitchen floor one by one to see if they all will break, take time to take a picture. Someday, when you are older, you will be glad you did.

The most difficult part of the first year will be when you think you want to go out by yourself. You will tell yourself you want some me time, but you will spend the whole time missing her and calling the babysitter 8 times before you realize you'd rather be home.

You will cry. You will laugh. The days will fly by like you blinked and you will look into the eyes of your seven year old and remember her as the bloody screaming baby on your stomach. You will never ever forget the first time you look into her little eyes. You will count her fingers and her toes. Speaking of you will cut too far and make her bleed at least once. We all do it.

You will watch her fall and not catch her in time. Some boy will hurt her and you won't be able to stop the tears. Someone will tease her, and you won't be able to kick their ass. Life will fly by and all too fast you will be calling me from the hospital after holding your grandchild and you will wonder wth happened.

Love, Jenelle