This is the blog that my good friend Margarita Barnard wanted me to write, so hunny bunny this is for you!!!
At one time I was given two pieces of advice from men in my life. The first came from my grandpa. He said, "Never sleep with anyone you don't want to marry, or couldn't see your future with." The second piece came from my dad who said, "Grab the good things in life as they come by quickly and don't let go." I would love to say I have never neglected either, but I would be lying. I made some mistakes when it came to the men in my life. This last time, I took both pieces very seriously, I fell in love, got engaged quickly, got pregnant, but he choose to step away. The advice they didn't give me was that some things that you want the most, no matter how much you want them, are beyond your control. That's the advice I am leaving to the ones I love most.
At age 23, I left my husband with my 4 oldest kids and I made something I saw on Oprah (try not to laugh here). It was called a vision board. On my board I put exactly what I wanted. A place of my own with a dishwasher, a trip to Hawaii, a specific engagement ring, to graduate college, a baby boy, a man I love as my husband ( I still have no clue what he looks like so I just chose some hot underwear model guy), a backyard with a fence, a nice car, and this one really pretty bedroom set. As some of you know I have a place with a dishwasher, I got that engagement ring (still have it but not for the purpose of getting married), I have my baby boy, and I am currently close to finishing college. The other things can come in time. I took the man I want to be my husband and I broke him into 49 qualities which is in itself another blog. Shortly after doing this, I came to a conclusion that perhaps one man could not contain all these things, thus I needed 7 husbands.
Here is the general break down:
1. The chef
2. The gardener/cabana boy
3. The intellect
4. The arm candy
5. The handy man
6. The sex slave
7. The income maker
I think they are pretty self explanatory. Each preforms their chosen duty and does it well and it return I am an awesome wife. (Crossing my fingers here) My feelings on polygamy are fairly simple. I am jealous. I don't want to share. I am an only child, so I have never had to share. You don't fish in another man's well or you will catch crabs. The same applies to women. True love exists between and man and a woman...not a man and 8 women or a woman and 7 men. Notice I say man and woman, so can you guess my next opinion.
I don't believe in gay marriage. It's in the Bible that it is wrong. If a couple cannot procreate on their own, they should not be married. That's right, no gaybies (gay adoptions or surrogates for gays) I believe in love and I believe in the right to make your own eternal choices. I have gay friends, should they marry?, no. Are they going to do what they want no matter my opinions? Of course, but that doesn't change my opinions. I also hate abortion. There is no pro-choice with me either. It's pro-abortion/murder or pro-life. My household is pro-life/adoption just not by gays.
I believe that love is a choice. I have said this before. If love were simply a feeling (and this applies to being in love as well), then there should not be any marriages because feeling evolve. They fade. Attraction fades. What's left? It's a choice to stand by someone when things aren't great. It's working on thing to make them better. It's getting counseling before you need it. It's holding hands. It's saying I love you in the middle of a fight. It's never saying divorce and using it in any type of argument like it's a weapon. When you love someone you know. It's not always going to be easy, but it's always going to be real. It's holding your wife while she cries thinking that she's losing your baby. It's holding her hair while she pukes out the side of your truck. It's the night you stay up writing a proposal letter and presenting her with a ring after working all night. That love doesn't fade over one fight or 20. You made a choice to let it go for the easier way in life. LOVE MY FRIENDS IS A CHOICE!!!
As for this whole Will and Kate non-sense, I hate it. It's not that I hate love. I am not bitter. I am not skeptical. I am not crazy jealous. I just know that money shouldn't be used on a huge party when people are dying from preventable disease and hunger. I know that I could buy a decent car for the price of certain wedding gowns. I know that if someone wants to marry me, they should buy a pawn shop ring, take my butt to the courthouse and just do it. I don't want to ever be engaged again. I am burnt on engagements in general. Besides, when you get engaged everyone asks about the ring. I want a small princess solitaire from a pawn shop in white gold. (ATTENTION FRIENDS IF A POTENTIAL HUSBAND EVER COMES TO YOU THIS IS WHAT I WANT) lol I don't want to waste time or money. When it's right, it's right.
As for cheating, there is no cheating to make you happy. You see the problem is not with your significant other, it's with you. Change how you are acting to get a different reaction (unless this person is abusive or clinically psycho). People with children together should put as much effort into their marriage or relationship which should be a marriage as possible before letting it die on the floor. Kids deserve both parents on a daily basis. Conduct your fighting behind closed doors without raising your voice. Work through things. Go out together. Don't cheat. Buy gifts on random Tuesdays. Make it work! It is easier than you think. But I just don't love him/er anymore, but you idiot love is a CHOICE!!! Go the extra mile. It's not as far as you think.
To summarize this whole thing, love the one you have sex with enough to marry them before you have sex with them (again). Don't allow abortion or gay marriage. Don't fish in another wo/man's well. Marry one person that you can procreate with and do it often :) Choose love. Let go of the unimportant to make time for what is. You get what you give, so change yourself and watch the change around you. Oh and dear future husband (that I may or may not know yet) I love you, but I am getting so sick of waiting, so would you hurry up and find me. Thanks.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
If kids came with remotes...
This may not be quite what you were expecting. The following is a brutality honest letter to my kids, however I think it applies well to my adult readers and friends also.
Dear Christopher, Manda, Sydney, Skye, and Austin,
You are the reason I am who I am right now. You made me grow up, you gave me a purpose greater than my own selfish needs and wants, and you have brought more joy into my life than you will ever know. I am about to let you in on a secret that few parents are willing to say out loud.
I wish that each of you had been born with a remote control. You are probably assuming that I want a mute button, but you would be wrong. If I shut you up I would never get to hear how much you love me, hear your silly stories, or know what I can do to make you smile. Rather, its the other buttons on the remote I would like to use, and the reasons may surprise you.
I want to start with the power button. I would like you to be able to turn off at night and get a good nights sleep without having to worry that you will wake up scared from a bad dream. It would insure that you would stay in your bed and not wander off only to stub your toe in the dark. You wouldn't wet the bad and wake up smelling of pee with some weird rash down your leg either.
Then, there is the pause button. I would pause the moments that I want to remember the most. The first time I saw you, held you, kissed your little nose, and told you I loved you, when you took your first steps, said your first word, rode a bike, got on the big yellow bus, drove a car, and graduated high school would last just a little longer. While the memories of these things will never be forgotten, they happened all to quickly. It's like I blink and you don't want to hold mommy's hand anymore. My kisses embarrass you. I can't wear my pajamas to drop you off at school. I could also pause the moments you want to remember. When you met your first best friend, the first A you got on a test, your first kiss, your first date with your future spouse, your wedding, and when that day comes where you have your first child of your own could be a little sweeter and flow a bit more slowly.
There is also the fast-forward button. I know I complain when you get sick, but really I enjoy holding each of you in my arms, even when you are crying, puking, or battling a high fever. What kills me, is watching you endure the pain. If I could take that pain away, I would. I would also fast forward deaths of your pets, your first break-up, all our fights, and basically anything that makes you cry. I know that sometimes it takes the bad times so that we may appreciate the good ones, but I think you deserve the good ones more.
The rewind button would be used so I could keep you little longer. I would spend more time saying I love you and less time focused on what may happen. I would teach you that all that matters in this entire world comes down to love and happiness. By love, I don't just mean romantic love. Yes, romance is a great part of a life, but there is so much more to life than the opposite sex. I am talking about loving your best friends, your family, your neighbors, and yes, even your enemies. I believe love conquers all. If you really think you hate someone, try to love them. It works, unless they hate you for the reason of jealousy. Never change the good within you to make someone else like you. As for the happiness, the more love you give, the more you get. Love will make you happy for the most part, but it can also break your heart. Remember that love and happiness are always both a choice and a reaction. Even in death, there are reasons for both.
Main menu buttons are good to change the scenery, add new channels, and pursue new languages. These are all things I want you to do. Don't stay in Elkhart! I repeat, don't stay here! I love you dearly. I want you close, but I want you to see what else is out there. I sacrificed the life I could have had for romantic love that I lost. I wanted to explore. I wanted to move away. I wanted to see the world as a whole and no what it could truly offer me. So go. Leave and explore. Search what's out there and find yourself in the world. Make a new path. Go where you are happiest. There will be times to come back to the familiar and you will know when those are. You will always be welcomed back.
Lastly, there are the buttons used to change channels. When one channel isn't working for you, choose another. One is bound to have the program you are looking for. Don't watch what all your friends are watching. Find what you want to watch and change to that instead. Make sure it's not all comedy, make sure it's little drama, and make sure that it's a little scary. Life is meant to be a little dramatic and scary at times, but make sure that it's never too scary or too dramatic.
In conclusion kids you don't come with remotes. I can't give you the best of your life, you have to get it. I can't fast-forward the parts you don't like, you have to get through it. I can't make you change, slow down, speed up, or tell you when to let it all go...you and you alone have to do those things. I will be there to show you the buttons and I can help you realize when you might want to use them, but ultimately you are the controller of your own life.
Love always,
Mommy
Dear Christopher, Manda, Sydney, Skye, and Austin,
You are the reason I am who I am right now. You made me grow up, you gave me a purpose greater than my own selfish needs and wants, and you have brought more joy into my life than you will ever know. I am about to let you in on a secret that few parents are willing to say out loud.
I wish that each of you had been born with a remote control. You are probably assuming that I want a mute button, but you would be wrong. If I shut you up I would never get to hear how much you love me, hear your silly stories, or know what I can do to make you smile. Rather, its the other buttons on the remote I would like to use, and the reasons may surprise you.
I want to start with the power button. I would like you to be able to turn off at night and get a good nights sleep without having to worry that you will wake up scared from a bad dream. It would insure that you would stay in your bed and not wander off only to stub your toe in the dark. You wouldn't wet the bad and wake up smelling of pee with some weird rash down your leg either.
Then, there is the pause button. I would pause the moments that I want to remember the most. The first time I saw you, held you, kissed your little nose, and told you I loved you, when you took your first steps, said your first word, rode a bike, got on the big yellow bus, drove a car, and graduated high school would last just a little longer. While the memories of these things will never be forgotten, they happened all to quickly. It's like I blink and you don't want to hold mommy's hand anymore. My kisses embarrass you. I can't wear my pajamas to drop you off at school. I could also pause the moments you want to remember. When you met your first best friend, the first A you got on a test, your first kiss, your first date with your future spouse, your wedding, and when that day comes where you have your first child of your own could be a little sweeter and flow a bit more slowly.
There is also the fast-forward button. I know I complain when you get sick, but really I enjoy holding each of you in my arms, even when you are crying, puking, or battling a high fever. What kills me, is watching you endure the pain. If I could take that pain away, I would. I would also fast forward deaths of your pets, your first break-up, all our fights, and basically anything that makes you cry. I know that sometimes it takes the bad times so that we may appreciate the good ones, but I think you deserve the good ones more.
The rewind button would be used so I could keep you little longer. I would spend more time saying I love you and less time focused on what may happen. I would teach you that all that matters in this entire world comes down to love and happiness. By love, I don't just mean romantic love. Yes, romance is a great part of a life, but there is so much more to life than the opposite sex. I am talking about loving your best friends, your family, your neighbors, and yes, even your enemies. I believe love conquers all. If you really think you hate someone, try to love them. It works, unless they hate you for the reason of jealousy. Never change the good within you to make someone else like you. As for the happiness, the more love you give, the more you get. Love will make you happy for the most part, but it can also break your heart. Remember that love and happiness are always both a choice and a reaction. Even in death, there are reasons for both.
Main menu buttons are good to change the scenery, add new channels, and pursue new languages. These are all things I want you to do. Don't stay in Elkhart! I repeat, don't stay here! I love you dearly. I want you close, but I want you to see what else is out there. I sacrificed the life I could have had for romantic love that I lost. I wanted to explore. I wanted to move away. I wanted to see the world as a whole and no what it could truly offer me. So go. Leave and explore. Search what's out there and find yourself in the world. Make a new path. Go where you are happiest. There will be times to come back to the familiar and you will know when those are. You will always be welcomed back.
Lastly, there are the buttons used to change channels. When one channel isn't working for you, choose another. One is bound to have the program you are looking for. Don't watch what all your friends are watching. Find what you want to watch and change to that instead. Make sure it's not all comedy, make sure it's little drama, and make sure that it's a little scary. Life is meant to be a little dramatic and scary at times, but make sure that it's never too scary or too dramatic.
In conclusion kids you don't come with remotes. I can't give you the best of your life, you have to get it. I can't fast-forward the parts you don't like, you have to get through it. I can't make you change, slow down, speed up, or tell you when to let it all go...you and you alone have to do those things. I will be there to show you the buttons and I can help you realize when you might want to use them, but ultimately you are the controller of your own life.
Love always,
Mommy
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
How To Survive Alone
I have the best relationship ever. We do not fight, we go out and have fun, and most importantly the trust is amazing. You see, I am dating myself. It is not glamorous. We are not an attractive couple. Being your own motivation, cheerleader and referee is not easy, but it's real.
In the past I was relationship dependant. I thought that men helped determine my self worth. I thought the word single meant that you were either fat ugly, or tainted. Only losers are single and the only people that say they are choosing to be single really cannot get a date. For a while I even believed that about myself. I thought deep down I was telling people I was choosing to be single because that took away the fear of rejection. Now I know I can get a date anytime I want. Men of all types, despite me having five kids, are lined up waiting for me to want a relationship.
This brings me to another issue, I don't like labels. At what point is dating a relationship? And at what age is the word girlfriend to childish? The entire reasoning behind having a boyfriend is that he is a boy. So do I have a man friend? A significant other? How about if I choose to have a nothing and be free to date other, but don't date around and just don't label it?
I chose to bring up a lot of this mess because people keep commenting on how difficult it must be for me to do this alone. Considering I have been awake since yesterday at 3am, yes it is hard for me to do much of anything when any of my children is sick, or hurt. I do it because I made a commitment to my child the day I choose to do whatever was involved in their creation. I can't choose not to do it anymore because "I don't feel like it today".
As I have brought up before many times I live in a less-than-desirable neighborhood by the standards of many. Sometimes it's shady by my own standards I had growing up. The truth of this is I am grown up now. At least I have a place to live, a vehicle, and amazing children with a great sense of morality and a strong belief in God and prayer. I see neglected kids everywhere. It makes no difference to me if their parents are in jail, at work, or just plain to lazy to get off their butt and care for them. They are our future. I hope one day they neglect to take care of their parents in their old age the way they are uncared for. I hope they never change a single parent's diaper too.
The part that is the most tragic is that this cycle tends to repeat. We become our parents. I see this in my childrens' fathers. I see this in my kids. One day my oldest son announced that he was not going to work when he grew up. Not only did he not need to further his education, but he could live on his grandma's couch like his dad. I laughed. It was funny what can I say? I want more for him than that. Since then he has begun to excel in school and we talk a lot about his future. His latest career choice at age seven is doctor. I used to want to pursue a law career. It was later replaced by a career in journalism. I hope to actually start this career soon.
I have taught my kids to ride their bikes, throw footballs (both the boy and girls), write their name, order their own food at restaurants, and most importantly appreciate what you have while you have it. I know this is not my typical light-hearted blog. This stuff is serious. I am mommy and daddy. I am the provider, the maid, and the motivator. I get no sleep. I watch my closet vomit clothes to make sure that other parts of my house (what's visible) is cared for. I am exhausted, but I love it and would have it no other way. I complain. I moan. I whine. However, at the end of the day I know God will never give me more than I can handle and that through this experience I have found sides of myself that I did not know were there. I know all this just as I know my children were put here for amazing reasons. Maybe they will be doctors. Maybe they will be athletes. maybe they will just grow up to be good people that help their neighbors. I don't know. I do know this: I am amazing. I don't need anyone else to tell me this. It's always nice to hear, but I know. At the end of the day, if I go to sleep, I know that I will still be as amazing if I wake up the next day.
In conclusion to this, yes, I am ready to move on. I won't rush anything this time around. If in 18 years I have found no one and am so exhausted I can barely stand, I will still be amazing. No one sets my worth but me. I am not looking for a dad, never was, but I am looking for a husband that can love my kids as they are a part of what makes me amazing. I love you guys!!
In the past I was relationship dependant. I thought that men helped determine my self worth. I thought the word single meant that you were either fat ugly, or tainted. Only losers are single and the only people that say they are choosing to be single really cannot get a date. For a while I even believed that about myself. I thought deep down I was telling people I was choosing to be single because that took away the fear of rejection. Now I know I can get a date anytime I want. Men of all types, despite me having five kids, are lined up waiting for me to want a relationship.
This brings me to another issue, I don't like labels. At what point is dating a relationship? And at what age is the word girlfriend to childish? The entire reasoning behind having a boyfriend is that he is a boy. So do I have a man friend? A significant other? How about if I choose to have a nothing and be free to date other, but don't date around and just don't label it?
I chose to bring up a lot of this mess because people keep commenting on how difficult it must be for me to do this alone. Considering I have been awake since yesterday at 3am, yes it is hard for me to do much of anything when any of my children is sick, or hurt. I do it because I made a commitment to my child the day I choose to do whatever was involved in their creation. I can't choose not to do it anymore because "I don't feel like it today".
As I have brought up before many times I live in a less-than-desirable neighborhood by the standards of many. Sometimes it's shady by my own standards I had growing up. The truth of this is I am grown up now. At least I have a place to live, a vehicle, and amazing children with a great sense of morality and a strong belief in God and prayer. I see neglected kids everywhere. It makes no difference to me if their parents are in jail, at work, or just plain to lazy to get off their butt and care for them. They are our future. I hope one day they neglect to take care of their parents in their old age the way they are uncared for. I hope they never change a single parent's diaper too.
The part that is the most tragic is that this cycle tends to repeat. We become our parents. I see this in my childrens' fathers. I see this in my kids. One day my oldest son announced that he was not going to work when he grew up. Not only did he not need to further his education, but he could live on his grandma's couch like his dad. I laughed. It was funny what can I say? I want more for him than that. Since then he has begun to excel in school and we talk a lot about his future. His latest career choice at age seven is doctor. I used to want to pursue a law career. It was later replaced by a career in journalism. I hope to actually start this career soon.
I have taught my kids to ride their bikes, throw footballs (both the boy and girls), write their name, order their own food at restaurants, and most importantly appreciate what you have while you have it. I know this is not my typical light-hearted blog. This stuff is serious. I am mommy and daddy. I am the provider, the maid, and the motivator. I get no sleep. I watch my closet vomit clothes to make sure that other parts of my house (what's visible) is cared for. I am exhausted, but I love it and would have it no other way. I complain. I moan. I whine. However, at the end of the day I know God will never give me more than I can handle and that through this experience I have found sides of myself that I did not know were there. I know all this just as I know my children were put here for amazing reasons. Maybe they will be doctors. Maybe they will be athletes. maybe they will just grow up to be good people that help their neighbors. I don't know. I do know this: I am amazing. I don't need anyone else to tell me this. It's always nice to hear, but I know. At the end of the day, if I go to sleep, I know that I will still be as amazing if I wake up the next day.
In conclusion to this, yes, I am ready to move on. I won't rush anything this time around. If in 18 years I have found no one and am so exhausted I can barely stand, I will still be amazing. No one sets my worth but me. I am not looking for a dad, never was, but I am looking for a husband that can love my kids as they are a part of what makes me amazing. I love you guys!!
Saturday, April 9, 2011
We're Just Like You, Only Prettier!!!
Two things right off the bat today:
1. This blog is dedicated to Derrick Elkins, if you want me to dedicate my blog to you, be the first to comment next time I say I am thinking of writing a blog.
2. I am about to get graphic, possibly even a little offensive. If you can't take the smell, get outta the bathroom. This is one of those things, much like an article I wrote in high school where it will ONLY offend you IF you think these things of yourself, so don't think it's about you. Not everything is.
I am supposed to be writing about anime today, so I guess I am relating the world of anime to the world of reality. There are a few things that any idiot can pick up about anime. My personal favorite is how its origins are making fun of us. In most cases, I think this is one, people make fun of you when the are jealous of what you have. For me, it's always been about my large family. No one can keep their comments to themselves. (In a personal note mama always said keep your hands to yourself, not you comments. Probably, this is why I have SO many opinions.) I have grown used to the basketball team comments, and the rude you have a litter comments, but I will NEVER grow used to the whole you must have a lot of help a home. (For those of you that are new, I raise my kids alone when they are here, and I am super proud of it.)
So anyways back to what I am trying to say, anime came from Japan and China. The characters always have huge eyes. I think they were trying to relate the people to Americans and implied either on accident or on purpose that we have huge eyes. Yes, our eyes do open more than yours, good observational skills Einsteins. This in and of itself would not bother me, but they have transferred the notion back to us in several ways and the contradict themselves often.
My least favorite example of this is in the world of My Little Pony. They were my favorite toy growing up and are currently one of my daughters' favorites as well. I had 32 of these creatures, all the originals which I have since sold on ebay and look for them constantly at garage sales since that was my biggest regret ever. Although I did sell my Mimic one for $50 and since she was the ugliest one (She is lime green with red streaks in her hair and a parrot on her butt.) I would happily do that again. The newest My Little Ponies are very skinny with these giant eyes and their hair is usually a lot straighter than that of ponies of old. I would like to point out that if they are trying to make the ponies more related to Americans that they should have in fact left them fatter. We are the fattest country in the world, not to mention that they looked much better that way.
This is Star Dancer. I had one just like her as a kid. I sold her on ebay for $6...she is currently selling for $21...That sucks!!!!
1. This blog is dedicated to Derrick Elkins, if you want me to dedicate my blog to you, be the first to comment next time I say I am thinking of writing a blog.
2. I am about to get graphic, possibly even a little offensive. If you can't take the smell, get outta the bathroom. This is one of those things, much like an article I wrote in high school where it will ONLY offend you IF you think these things of yourself, so don't think it's about you. Not everything is.
I am supposed to be writing about anime today, so I guess I am relating the world of anime to the world of reality. There are a few things that any idiot can pick up about anime. My personal favorite is how its origins are making fun of us. In most cases, I think this is one, people make fun of you when the are jealous of what you have. For me, it's always been about my large family. No one can keep their comments to themselves. (In a personal note mama always said keep your hands to yourself, not you comments. Probably, this is why I have SO many opinions.) I have grown used to the basketball team comments, and the rude you have a litter comments, but I will NEVER grow used to the whole you must have a lot of help a home. (For those of you that are new, I raise my kids alone when they are here, and I am super proud of it.)
So anyways back to what I am trying to say, anime came from Japan and China. The characters always have huge eyes. I think they were trying to relate the people to Americans and implied either on accident or on purpose that we have huge eyes. Yes, our eyes do open more than yours, good observational skills Einsteins. This in and of itself would not bother me, but they have transferred the notion back to us in several ways and the contradict themselves often.
My least favorite example of this is in the world of My Little Pony. They were my favorite toy growing up and are currently one of my daughters' favorites as well. I had 32 of these creatures, all the originals which I have since sold on ebay and look for them constantly at garage sales since that was my biggest regret ever. Although I did sell my Mimic one for $50 and since she was the ugliest one (She is lime green with red streaks in her hair and a parrot on her butt.) I would happily do that again. The newest My Little Ponies are very skinny with these giant eyes and their hair is usually a lot straighter than that of ponies of old. I would like to point out that if they are trying to make the ponies more related to Americans that they should have in fact left them fatter. We are the fattest country in the world, not to mention that they looked much better that way.
This is a modern pony, skinnier and bigger eyes...
The other item that angers me is Littlest Pet Shop, but that is another time and place.
I guess what I am trying to say is that in order to feel like we are buying something worthwhile, China feels the need to upscale what we really are. It's much like Barbie. I may be blond (some days), but I am no size 0. I have also never heard anyone complaining about how fat I am. (unless you count my ex husband, but we all know he doesn't matter) Having said that, we glamorize what would she look like and add unrealistic goals into our realm every day. We can't all be made in China!!!
So just for fun I decided to anime myself... but it looked bad...maybe I need another site.
I guess what I am trying to say is anime is a deraged fantasy of what we wish the world was like. Ok, so maybe I don't want to sound like I am constipated everytime I am trying to fight someone, or maybe I don't want to date a guy with very long blue hair, but I am trying to seek the happily ever after that even Disney World in America claims exsists. To do so we must put away our jealousy and embrace everything (ourselves, our friends, our possessions, our family, our neighbors, I won't say our government (you dumb idiots funding Planned Parenthood make me wanna kill someone, oh nope wait that's their job) but our life's in general for what they are). I am not always pretty, but I am real. I may have big blue eyes, but so do 3 of my kids. Don't be jealous that having brown eyes means your full of poop, but rather be glad you can see with those eyes. Make a difference. I love you guys and you are all amazing....and when it comes down to it, my friends are just like you, only prettier.
p.s. Anyone that reads this is probably my friend! :P
If only I did look like this maybe I could get a date lol
p.s. Anyone that reads this is probably my friend! :P
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Ghetto Moms vs. US Spending
Here it goes, are you ready?
In the ghetto there are a few things every kid knows: what food stamps are, most siblings are only half related, what child support is, how to use a weapon, what streets not to walk down after dark, and most importantly how to milk the government. It is sad to say these things out loud, but they are very true. A "wise" eight year old once explained to me that I had had my kids "wrong". They all had the same father. She told me, "Everyone knows that if you have more baby daddys you get more child support and never have to work. The government pays for everything too." At the time I was shocked. What kind of parent would want her child to grow up planning to have multiple children by multiple men and live off the "system" for her life? What kind of life would that be?
It also got me thinking, as you all know I do that a lot. I could work a minimum wage job. I would make $280.00 a week. My child-care related expense is around $400.00 a week. The government is not only willing to pay all but $15.00 of my child-care, but they would also give me $500.00 a month in foodstamps and pay $500.00 of my rent a month. Let's put that in perspective for a minute. If they don't pay my child-care, my foodstamps increase to $780.00 a month. It's an extra $280.00 a month, however, they are saving $920.00 a month....it makes sense. A kid could do that math. Also, if they were getting more child-support, collecting it all on time from their dad, I could make up for the foodstamps. In my case they would have to double my support. I get $63.00 a week for 4 children. Seriously, he lives at home with mom and dad and has no bills. I feel like he could pay $126.00 a week without a problem. Just saying.
Instead of having to pay TANF to mothers not getting their child-support, they should create a class. This class should teach three very important things to ghetto dudes.
1. How to properly install and wear a belt. While it's super endearing to see grown men with their pants drooping down around their knees exposing their ratty boxers, no one will ever respect them, let alone hire them. Ok, I get it, everyone has been a teen trying to "fit in". You are now 25 living off your mom/baby mama/girlfriend/friend/grandma/etc. It's time for the big boy pants now. It's about taking that epic first step. Yes, the government should tell men how to wear a pair of big boy pants.
2. Get a job. OMG right? It is simply amazing. The class would tell you how to ask for a job application at your closest burger restaurant, how to fill it out, and how to had it back in. Since they have already taken a class on how to wear their pants they should be all ready for the interview portion. Immediately followed by, how to show up on time on a daily basis to work, do exactly what your are told, and how to spend the paycheck on things like rent/bills/a vehicle/their unclaimed children. It would be a miracle to end all miracles!
3. How to only have sex with women they would want to marry. Ok, so realistically we know this won't happen, it should, but it just won't. So we must change this to know how to wear a condom and try not to cheat very often. This class should be given to women too. Ony for the women it should include how to only sleep with one man a month so you know who your baby daddy is if his condom break and to make sure he is using a condom.
Lastly, in loo of all we have talked about, I also think the government should only cover 3 pregnancies per person. Yes, that may seem harsh, but I think number 4 is on you. You may have your tubes tied after number three, which knowing ghetto parents would be an amazing option, or you may have more kids, but the government will not pay for any part of them. That's right, no food stamps, no child-care, no housing, no medical, no nothing. It sounds extreme, like why should the child have to suffer? It is not causing any children to suffer. Actually, I think it could prevent millions of children and save billions of dollars of their life-time.
I know some of these things may sound harsh, I would also like to see food-stamps no longer cover soda, chips, cakes, cookies, ect. This would lower obesity and in turn lower medical costs, but I will cover that another day. We mis-spend billions a year. These small changes could eventually help put a significant debt in the national debt. I know they won't happen, but they should.
In the ghetto there are a few things every kid knows: what food stamps are, most siblings are only half related, what child support is, how to use a weapon, what streets not to walk down after dark, and most importantly how to milk the government. It is sad to say these things out loud, but they are very true. A "wise" eight year old once explained to me that I had had my kids "wrong". They all had the same father. She told me, "Everyone knows that if you have more baby daddys you get more child support and never have to work. The government pays for everything too." At the time I was shocked. What kind of parent would want her child to grow up planning to have multiple children by multiple men and live off the "system" for her life? What kind of life would that be?
It also got me thinking, as you all know I do that a lot. I could work a minimum wage job. I would make $280.00 a week. My child-care related expense is around $400.00 a week. The government is not only willing to pay all but $15.00 of my child-care, but they would also give me $500.00 a month in foodstamps and pay $500.00 of my rent a month. Let's put that in perspective for a minute. If they don't pay my child-care, my foodstamps increase to $780.00 a month. It's an extra $280.00 a month, however, they are saving $920.00 a month....it makes sense. A kid could do that math. Also, if they were getting more child-support, collecting it all on time from their dad, I could make up for the foodstamps. In my case they would have to double my support. I get $63.00 a week for 4 children. Seriously, he lives at home with mom and dad and has no bills. I feel like he could pay $126.00 a week without a problem. Just saying.
Instead of having to pay TANF to mothers not getting their child-support, they should create a class. This class should teach three very important things to ghetto dudes.
1. How to properly install and wear a belt. While it's super endearing to see grown men with their pants drooping down around their knees exposing their ratty boxers, no one will ever respect them, let alone hire them. Ok, I get it, everyone has been a teen trying to "fit in". You are now 25 living off your mom/baby mama/girlfriend/friend/grandma/etc. It's time for the big boy pants now. It's about taking that epic first step. Yes, the government should tell men how to wear a pair of big boy pants.
2. Get a job. OMG right? It is simply amazing. The class would tell you how to ask for a job application at your closest burger restaurant, how to fill it out, and how to had it back in. Since they have already taken a class on how to wear their pants they should be all ready for the interview portion. Immediately followed by, how to show up on time on a daily basis to work, do exactly what your are told, and how to spend the paycheck on things like rent/bills/a vehicle/their unclaimed children. It would be a miracle to end all miracles!
3. How to only have sex with women they would want to marry. Ok, so realistically we know this won't happen, it should, but it just won't. So we must change this to know how to wear a condom and try not to cheat very often. This class should be given to women too. Ony for the women it should include how to only sleep with one man a month so you know who your baby daddy is if his condom break and to make sure he is using a condom.
Lastly, in loo of all we have talked about, I also think the government should only cover 3 pregnancies per person. Yes, that may seem harsh, but I think number 4 is on you. You may have your tubes tied after number three, which knowing ghetto parents would be an amazing option, or you may have more kids, but the government will not pay for any part of them. That's right, no food stamps, no child-care, no housing, no medical, no nothing. It sounds extreme, like why should the child have to suffer? It is not causing any children to suffer. Actually, I think it could prevent millions of children and save billions of dollars of their life-time.
I know some of these things may sound harsh, I would also like to see food-stamps no longer cover soda, chips, cakes, cookies, ect. This would lower obesity and in turn lower medical costs, but I will cover that another day. We mis-spend billions a year. These small changes could eventually help put a significant debt in the national debt. I know they won't happen, but they should.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
I Found It On Froogle!
So first off, there is no real froogle. It's just a crazy place that I wish exsisted. If it did, I would always be searching everything I buy through it. That's right y'all, I am CHEAP!!! It's no secret. I am PROUD to be the cheapest of all my friends. Why buy it, if you can make, or better yet, get it free??? Here are my tips for those of you that either want or need to join me in the land of cheap.
First of all make a list of all your neccessities. That's right my friends, I used the n-word. A neccessity is something you need to survive. Anything you don't need, you don't have to buy, thus it should never be an expense. To make this easy for you, I will break down the things I use for a week and how I aquire these items. Some items I may use more than one method of getting so I will explain that also.
Food- Coupons and free samples. Thats right I go to the websites of the foods we eat most frequently and I sign up for any offers they have. Since I don't have a printer (I know, I know, but I don't NEED it.) I am a bit more limited as to what coupons I get as they have to be mailed. the idea is not to pay full price for anything. Search the ads for a sale, then use a coupon. I try to not pay over 5 dollars for any meal out of the month for my family of 6. Also, there is an abudance of free samples out there. I have gotten candy bars, potato chips, and even entire tv dinners shipped to me for absolutely nothing. It may take me two minutes, but they are free.
Beverage- Drink water. Laugh all you want, but it's cheap and healthy.
Laundry Detergent- Make your own! Get free samples to supplement. Laundry soap is easy to make, it smells amazing depending on your soap or fragerance you use and it cleans just as well or better than store bought. Also use Coke as a whitening agent.
Fabric Softner- use vinegar in your wash.
Automatic Dishwasher Soap- Make it. Get free samples or use generic kool-aide. :)
Cleaning products: baking soda as a vacuum powder or as a natural whitener. Use bleach sparingly. Rinse with vinegar.
Shampoo- again sign up for samples, when no samples are available use baking soda, rinse with vinegar and use mayo for conditioner.
Deoderant- somethings to me are not worth a compromise. This is one thing I need to work, so I sign up on the website of the brand I use and I still almost never have to pay full price.
Clothes- There just are not coupons for clothes, so watch sale ads. I usually won't buy it unless it's on a clearence rack for under 2 dollars though. That's right ladies and gents I don't spend more than 2 bucks for anything but shoes, socks and underwear. (Underwear, especially for my twins, is cheapest purchased in bulk) Go to Goodwill and fill a bag for $35 dollars. I spent $110 at Goodwill doing this and bought summer clothes for all six of us. At the end of the year I sell the best stuff to Once Upon a Child. (Last time I made a profit) Then I use that money to buy more clothes. Garage sales are amazing too. I bought all my son's clothes for the first six months at garage sales and maybe spent $50 and that includes his accessories like blankets, coats, bibs and socks.
Shoes- Buy at the end of the season only. If it's a great deal I may just buy the next two sizes for my children. I have a thing about used shoes that's quite personal, but if they are something like dress shoes I will buy them in excellent used condition.
Ok folks now that you know how cheap I am, you can go out and be cheap like me. Have a good day.
First of all make a list of all your neccessities. That's right my friends, I used the n-word. A neccessity is something you need to survive. Anything you don't need, you don't have to buy, thus it should never be an expense. To make this easy for you, I will break down the things I use for a week and how I aquire these items. Some items I may use more than one method of getting so I will explain that also.
Food- Coupons and free samples. Thats right I go to the websites of the foods we eat most frequently and I sign up for any offers they have. Since I don't have a printer (I know, I know, but I don't NEED it.) I am a bit more limited as to what coupons I get as they have to be mailed. the idea is not to pay full price for anything. Search the ads for a sale, then use a coupon. I try to not pay over 5 dollars for any meal out of the month for my family of 6. Also, there is an abudance of free samples out there. I have gotten candy bars, potato chips, and even entire tv dinners shipped to me for absolutely nothing. It may take me two minutes, but they are free.
Beverage- Drink water. Laugh all you want, but it's cheap and healthy.
Laundry Detergent- Make your own! Get free samples to supplement. Laundry soap is easy to make, it smells amazing depending on your soap or fragerance you use and it cleans just as well or better than store bought. Also use Coke as a whitening agent.
Fabric Softner- use vinegar in your wash.
Automatic Dishwasher Soap- Make it. Get free samples or use generic kool-aide. :)
Cleaning products: baking soda as a vacuum powder or as a natural whitener. Use bleach sparingly. Rinse with vinegar.
Shampoo- again sign up for samples, when no samples are available use baking soda, rinse with vinegar and use mayo for conditioner.
Deoderant- somethings to me are not worth a compromise. This is one thing I need to work, so I sign up on the website of the brand I use and I still almost never have to pay full price.
Clothes- There just are not coupons for clothes, so watch sale ads. I usually won't buy it unless it's on a clearence rack for under 2 dollars though. That's right ladies and gents I don't spend more than 2 bucks for anything but shoes, socks and underwear. (Underwear, especially for my twins, is cheapest purchased in bulk) Go to Goodwill and fill a bag for $35 dollars. I spent $110 at Goodwill doing this and bought summer clothes for all six of us. At the end of the year I sell the best stuff to Once Upon a Child. (Last time I made a profit) Then I use that money to buy more clothes. Garage sales are amazing too. I bought all my son's clothes for the first six months at garage sales and maybe spent $50 and that includes his accessories like blankets, coats, bibs and socks.
Shoes- Buy at the end of the season only. If it's a great deal I may just buy the next two sizes for my children. I have a thing about used shoes that's quite personal, but if they are something like dress shoes I will buy them in excellent used condition.
Ok folks now that you know how cheap I am, you can go out and be cheap like me. Have a good day.
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