Women: The Other Dumb Meat

I don't need to work. You see, I am going to become a trophy wife. I will start by working out 3 hours a day and keeping my house spotlessly clean all while wearing nothing but heels and a smile. Not only will I marry a rich man, but an old man as well. Of course, he will need ample Viagra to keep up with my endless sex drive. Then one fine day in the sac, he will die of natural causes leaving me his mansion and all his money. Then I can find a man I actually love to marry and live happily ever after with.

At this point, most of you man folks out there are thinking I am a greedy little whore. You would probably be right if this were me at all. I would NEVER marry for money. I will NEVER work out 3 times a day. Cleaning in heels may be reserve for special occasions with my broke husband and I to share. My house is NEVER spotless.

You see I have 5 kids. I won't marry a man without kids unless he isn't fertile. So I am looking at a lower middle class family by the time we feed/clothe/house our at least 6 children. I don't think that love is too out of the question for us. It's more a matter of God's timing and when.

I made the following comment under a friend's status after one of his relatives made a comment about him needing to grow up, provide for his girls, and get a job:

So not true! I see many boys grow up, not work and live off their baby mamas/girlfriends. They will never marry them (not just bc they can't afford a classy pawn shop ring) but bc when the money drys up there is always another naive single ...mom looking for a potential baby daddy. They can live in government housing/homeless shelters when there is no gf. Trust me, I have been watching my demonic 35 year old cousin I disowned run this game for years. This is why I only date older men with jobs now. It's pathetic when a boy thinks a single mom with five kids is going to take him out and buy. Heck no!!! Pull chairs, open doors, and I don't care if they don't spend a dime on me and we walk through a park all night, but learn respect. If you can't buy me a Big Mac, you sure as heck can't be a step-dad to my children. This is not a dig at you (friend's name was here)

You see I know what I want, but here are some truths. The longer anyone goes without a job, the easier it is to want to continue to not work. Women in this area are so desperate for someone to love them, someone to father their children, and just plain have someone to play house with, that they settle for anyone that comes along. These boys run this game well. They treat women like a piece of meat. They are there for their roof, and food, but mostly the sex. I see some very attractive men sucker these women into a guilt trip about their kids and make them lose their self-esteem to a point at which they feel they can't get a man with a job.

For some of these women, it is a fact. The way I see it, no man that is worth anything is going to want a woman that is barely worth anything herself. However, if she has kids, she becomes a meal and housing ticket. It's a free ride, both literally and figuratively. These women are not finding a male role model for their kids, but rather setting them up to be both hurt and disappointed.

Women: get a real man, with a real job, love him, treat him right, marry him, then move him in with you and your children. Don't teach your kids that relationships are disposable. Don't teach your daughter's it's ok to be used. See we are all just in a meat market. The men are the pigs and why put up with a whole pig for a little sausage. Men, I know you are looking at us the same way, but if you want this milk, you must pay. I am not free.

Insults (Cleverly Disguised As Compliments) and Other Stuff

Some of my friends have been around since I was 5, but a lot of my blog reading friends are newer. So today is a brief history lesson.

I grew up on CR 26. For those of you that are unaware, that's the road that runs behind the Goshen Meijer. We were what I would now consider upper-middle class. I was the only child. My dad was/is an engineer. (He has since moved with my step-mother to Lafayette) The mortgage was paid off and my dad made good money. No one would have ever guessed this however. Our furniture was old. My mom dressed like she was 80. (not living in the 80's like a little old lady) My dad drove an old ugly rusty blue Ford Taurus. (for those of you that saw me drive this to school I know you are laughing. We sold it my senior year for a whopping $200 cash money.) My mom's car was a wood-panel station wagon. I did have a million toys, and a pink and purple playhouse. We even painted the basketball hoop in our drive way pink and purple. (It was kinda an inside joke)

I had two cats. They lived outside and they had their own cathouse. My room had a bunch of Disney people riding bikes on ugly blue wallpaper. When I was 12 my parents got a divorce. Each bought a nice milk carton in a local trailer park. Before turning 12, I had only been to my uncle's trailer. It was so trashy that my grandma and I had had to go in with boots, gloves, and shovels to bag the trash inside. It was a complete embarrassment and I was terrified of the type of people that live in homes with wheels. (This was also the year I took up tennis. I think I always thought of tennis as a rich people's sport and it improved my thoughts about my living situation.)

I was pretty right on about the trash that lived in the trailers. It was my first in-person encounter with drugs, smoking, drinking and sex (On a personal note, to this day I have never smoked anything or done any drug.) Despite where I lived, I maintained decent grades, was a pretty decent person, and was pretty ok with myself. I was a size 4. I played two sports. I was on both newspaper and yearbook staff. I had some stupid boyfriends. (one of which I went on to marry) I didn't graduate with honors, which is weird cause I took every class with the word honors in the title.  I was never popular, but I did enter two of the 4-H fair queen contests. I felt good. I looked good. I had a ton of potential.

Today's rant is about these following statements that have come about since high school. These are actually things real people have said to me. Below is both the statement and what I think it means. I gave you my background so you know why I feel these compliments are insults a bit better.

You look really good, for having five kids. = If you didn't have 5 kids I would find you a bit chubby.

You look nice today.= You look better than your normal self which is at the best average.

You manage well for five kids. = I would hate to be in your situation. I wonder why anyone would want to raise five kids alone.

Your kids are really cute.-surprised voice. (Sometimes say this even when kids aren't cute) = I didn't think someone like you could have cute kids.

I wouldn't have guessed you have five kids. = You look way too young to have that many kids so you must have started at 12.

Anyways....goodnight people I got distracted and forgot where I was going with this.

Let's get back to school....

So, please make fun of me all you want, but as of today I have purchased everything my kids need with only a couple exceptions for the entire next year. Still holding off on Kleenex, copy paper, and Elmer's glue in the 8oz bottles. I am seriously proud of all my shopping efforts. I found some amazing deals. I will be listing my accomplishments at the bottom of this page, but for now I am going to give my slight rant.

For the last two years I have been helping out with Back 2 School Elkhart. For those of you that don't know, it started out as an idea within my apartment building to help provide less fortunate children in Elkhart with backpacks, school supplies, food boxes, new outfits, shoes/socks, and any health exams or shots they made need. It turned into a program that served over 4,500 kids in our community last year. It is an all day event. I will be volunteering with the program again this year, and if you would like to help too, please message me.

There is only one problem with the program and it mainly is a lack of the right school supplies for the right grades. Part of the problem is donations. We can only give what is donated, if you would like to help with that part, again message me. However, we ended wasting a lot of what is donated. I don't mean it's a waste as it did go to the children that need it, but unfortunately, the kids (as in mine too) ended up with a lot they didn't need and even more missing that I had to go buy on my own and spend $63 on that we simply didn't have last year. I also didn't get the shoes that I had reserved because they gave them away and I had to literally borrow money for school shoes.

This year, we don't need the backpacks. I bought everything my kids need including one pair of shoes. I will continue to volunteer in anyway I can. I just feel like the kids should get what they need. Yes, it may be a pain to have kids come up with list and have all the supplies in bins to be given to only the kids that need it. Yes, we may run out. However, nothing would be wasted. All the kids that were able to get all they needed would have relieved parents. If we did run out we could have money in reserve and have a runner go buy more. I am just saying it makes more sense to me.

I have ran the volunteer room. I have served food. I have rode around on a golf cart at 30 weeks pregnant picking up chairs and tearing down tents. I am not afraid to get my hands dirty, but this year I want to help responsibly. Tomorrow I am helping move supplies around to get ready to move them to the new location. This project is like my baby. I personally have probably stuffed over a thousand backpacks and have talked to two thousand kids. I have seen the impact the project has on the neighborhood. I have hugged other volunteers. If you are struggling this year, I encourage you to come out. If you have extra to give, please give it wisely.

Below is my personal best list of places to buy back to school items. I have listed the item, where I bought it, and what I paid. Good luck mommys and daddys and happy shopping.

24 pk Crayola crayons, Kroger, .25
Scissors, Wal-mart, .76
index cards, Kroger, .15
15 pack glue sticks, Big Lots, 1.60
Pencil Box, Wal-mart, .46
Pencils, Big Lots, .15
Notebooks, Wal-mart, .20
Folders w/prongs, Wal-mart .15
Dry Erase Markers 4 pack, Dollar Tree, 1.00
Ziplock Bags Gal and quart size, Dollar Tree, 1.00
Back Packs, Big Lots, 7.00 (on a side note Wal-mart has some younger style ones for 5.00 however my experience last year with that brand says to avoid at all costs)
Markers, Wal-mart, .45

Clothing:
3 pack of girls socks at dollar tree was duh a dollar, they also have boys socks and long socks for fall/spring for girls

underwear, 3pk at Big Lots was just 2.00

All the children's clothing items were purchased at a combination of Goodwill, Faith Mission Store, Salvation Army, Resale Shops, Going out of Business sales, and garage sales. Everything I bought was name-brand, in style, and either like new or new. People assume I am both married and rich usually when we go out in the fall and winter. In the summer my kids tend to be less careful about the condition their attire gets into, although it all starts out nice.

Get The Picture, Then Hang These Words On Your Wall

Welcome to my true story of the day rant. I run into baby daddy at what he referred to as "his Wal-Mart" and we decided (mutually) to venture to IHOP and get some breakfast with our little man.  That part is not the rant, I am coming there. I get a text message that says simply, "Hi!". I send one back, "Good morning. What are you doing?" In return I get a message to the extent of I'm bored send me a pic. So I send him a lovely picture of me and my youngest daughter I took the day before. In return I get two responses.

For those of you that tune in often to my blog, you are well aware that men often send me pictures that they wouldn't send their grandma. I got one of those this morning. Baby daddy knew immediately by the look on my face what I got a pic of as I only seem to get them when he is around. (Better timing is requested guys. (Only because I need more to write about though)) Mid baby daddy lecture about stopping conversations with men that send me such things I got the second text. It read, "You look really hot, but it would have been better without your daughter." That my friends will make me stop talking to you. Forever.

You see my kids are in my picture. They are in my present. They are in my future. This also means that all future pictures include all 5 of my children.

                              In this picture we have Skye (4), Manda (5), Austin (8 months), Sydney (5), and Christopher (7)

You should be so lucky as to be allowed to know my kids. My kids are not only cute, but they are smart, funny, creative, loving, and kind. My kids are the first thing I would want to see every morning and kiss goodnight. Choosing between having a man or having my kids, I will always choose my kids.

Often men will tell me I am lucky they are even taking me out because of my kids. they make me feel like rather than my greatest asset, my kids are my greatest downfall. Yes, they are a responsibility. They are a responsibility that one person is not only capable of handling, but is handling very well. They are well fed. They are healthy. They have 3 swimsuits each, 17 outfits each, 7 pairs of jammys each too many shoes to fit on a rack and tons of toys. I didn't borrow money for any of it. Yes, I do get food stamps. I work. I am not ashamed that I have to be able to feed my children and $63 dollars a week in child support won't even buy one of them all their school supplies, let alone food.

You see men, you mention my kids in anyway less than flattering and this single mom will not be taking you on a single date. I will not be removing my kids from any pictures. If you are lucky enough to be in any picture with my amazing kids take it as a blessing. If you are so lucky that you get to be considered for the job of step-father, take it. You see my greatest joy is knowing that my 5 kids can make a difference in this world. Part of the joy in this is knowing that I am responsible for instilling their morals and values and helping them establish a life path. How many guys out there can actually say they have the power to help change the world? Marry me and you get to do that.

I am not desperate. I am picky. I have a list, but remember so do my kids. My Sydney prays every night for a new daddy, because she hates the one she has. She doesn't know I hear her, but I do. So does God. Sydney, one day you will be old enough to read this and I just want you to know, one day some man will be lucky enough to be a part of your life. You may never get the dad you pray for, but I am praying too. I am praying that one day you will marry a good man and he will be the father to your kids that you may or may not get.

In conclusion, if you want me (even in a picture) expect my kids. Unlike a married family with kids from both people together, my kids go away every other weekend so you would be blessed with some alone time with me. I know it's a commitment. I take it seriously. Please do the same.

I'm Bored, Let's Have Sex!!!

I just knew you would click this one. You see, whenever a woman says, "sex", men come running to see if she is willing and ready to do so with him.

This is really a 2 part blog combined into one. Lately, I have been personally dealing with questions about my relationships (both past and present) with men. I have some truly amazing men in my life at this moment, unfortunately I don't think that any of them are ready to be a portion of the lives of 5 kids. (This is not a pity-party style blog. I am not hear to evoke pity, or to hear how sorry you all are that maybe I am not going to find a husband anytime soon if ever! I am an extraordinary person, loving, caring, considerate, hard-working and a great mom. If those are the only things I get to be for the rest of my life, I will rejoice in that.)

Part 1 of this blog goes something like this, I wanted to know why I haven't really connected with anyone this year. (This is the part of the blog inspired by the amazing blog of Gavin Fisher. See told you I was dedicating a blog to you.)

So here is the deal, finding a guy is like going to the meat market. We all have those things we are looking for. Thing one (for me anyways) is the right amount of fat. I personally like my meat with a bit of flavor so a piece of beef that is too lean is out of the question. Likewise, I am not trying to clog an artery, so a giant fatty piece of meat won't work either. (Yes, lots of parenthesis in this blog, and yes, I am eluding to what I am looking for when picking out a man. Maybe it's rude to say no fatties, but this woman knows what she wants!) I am also looking for a steak of highest quality. I am not going out with money to buy a steak and returning with a hamburger. I want my steak to come from a good home with lots of free time for the cow to roam. I want the cow to know I especially selected to eat this cow and not any other cows for a reason. I had a special connection to that cow in that place and time.

A lot of guys I have been talking to (cough, cough you know who you are) having been telling me this lie that the girl has to have a pretty face. While this may be true, (no butter faces) I know that no man is going to bother to look at the face of a woman that doesn't meet his personal standard of fatness. Every guy has one. I just discussed this very thing with my brother. He was told to pick out two women, one pushing thick (ie for those of you that don't know thick is still "effable" like not too fat to hit after a few beers) and the other woman had to be pushing fat. Blah, blah, blah, medical conditions could have made these girls fat and it's not very nice to say. I am NOT being nice, but I will be HONEST. He found both these women in a short matter of time. If the one girl gained even 5lbs he would no longer touch her. It's rude and degrading, but at least it gave me a goal.

I don't want to ever be excluded based on the fact that I am too fat. So, I started running. I had to walk past a public pool with my kids to get to the local track to "run". (I tried to run, but my pants kept falling down. True story.) It was so hot and all my kids kept saying  was that they would rather swim, until we saw him. There with his feet in the kiddie pool was a monster of a man. Not only could I count his rolls, but I could also see his crack. At this point, knowing my kids, I knew that they were also thinking, "I get why mommy wants to run." So we went around and around on that track.

In the fair scheme of things, yes, we all look at faces too. I like blue or green eyes. I hate noses that are too big, teeth that are obviously missing and/or gold, and unibrows. Men if I must wax my eyebrows for you, please do some maintence on yours, just saying. I like brown hair. I have dated a grand total of 2 blondes and really have never been that attracted to red heads. It's a personal preference and to each their own.

So now on to part 2. There is nothing to do around here but go to a bar or have sex. Maybe even some might first go to a bar then have sex. Those truly daring may even have bar sex. Let's face it. We are in our 20's. There are about 4 forms of entertainment in Elkhart. Bars, roller rinks, movies and bowling alleys get old. No straight man wants to go shopping. It's not just a problem at our age.

We wonder why so many teens are getting pregnant. They have nothing better to do. Mommy and daddy now must both work to support a family, or if it's a single parent household, often one parent works two jobs. This leave the house open and free for our kids to have sex simply because, "There is nothing on tv."

Let's just say for one minute that the same 4 things didn't get old. Those 4 things get expensive quickly. 8 dollars a person just to skate for a couple hours, means that for my family of 6, we would spend $48 on one night of entertainment. (Good thing we have bread and geese around here.) Movies and snacks are even more....etc...ect...down the line.

This also means since we are all broke we are inviting the temptation of staying home and getting a redbox into our lives. While cheap entertainment is good, it is also inviting the temptation of sex into our living rooms. The movie sucks, so you start making out and the next thing you know, you are in bad next to each other wondering why you got so bored.

On a very direct note, this is not me. I am writing this in response to discovering yet another teen in my children's family was pregnant. Sex belongs inside a ltr preferably marriage. I would never do anything to compromise the mental/emotional health of my children and that means THIS MOM is making good decisions for herself.

Then, 9 months later you have a child and you are NEVER bored again. One day, even though you had every intention of moving to a big city, your child will still be living here with you in the boring city and will also being having the same stupid sex you had out of boredom and fake love.

We need to change this now. I want my children to be active. I want them to volunteer. I want them to have more to do than be broke, live in a boring city and have sex. I want them to find a steak and take it to a new and exciting place to live where they can have all the sex they want in their marriage.

So now you have two thoughts. I am obsessed with boring sex, and I want a steak. If I could have both, life would be perfect.

Things That Bother Me

Many of you that know me well would say that I am very opinionated. That is a bit of an understatement. I am honest and blunt. During the course of this summer many issues have come out to play. These are some of my hard-hitting rants that I think everyone will agree with, but you are all afraid to say.

We are losing our language.  It is no longer an interagural part of our education. I personally believe that hand-writing will no longer be taught by the time my children graduate from high school. They are already eliminating cursive hand-writing. Besides, in a matter of years the schools will begin to realize the "text book" is also a waste. All reading materials will be read on a electronic book device. Obviously is is a much wiser investment as many are only around $100.00 now. Then it's usually around $3.00 to buy/download a book. My second grader's book rental is $162.00. Do your own math. Draw your own conclusions.

Besides just the writing portion of this, our language itself is becoming very informal. We now now use lol over a text message instead of allowing people to hear us on the phone. Every transaction is informal and if we were all smart we would realize many of the service jobs will soon be eliminated. Thus computer technichians are going to be in high demand and an education past high school will be a requirement.

We also will no longer have to think for ourselves. We have people to do that for us. If I have a question, I google it, and then I accept the answer as the truth. I believe whatever crapola I find on the internet to be very true. Not to mention that the internet porn industry shall inherit the earth. We are so corrupt now that it is one of the fastest growing and most profitable forms of computer entertainment. not to mention I can buy any accessorie for any web-based gaming on ebay. Why would I actually want the satisfaction of having a level 80 charecter when I can just buy one? People actually making a living at selling virtual items.

The next thing that has been eating at me is flavored milk. White milk is not an option at school usually. It's a chocolate milk place. Flavored milk adds instant calories and an unnescessary desire for sweets. If white milk was the only choice I promise you, kids would drink it. I also think water should be a considered option. Most children are not drinking enough water. Not every child can drink milk, I know I still can't drink milk without getting sick.

Our kids are also obese. It's never the skinny parents with the morribly obese child, it's always the fat parents. Fat parents lead by example. When I see a 4 year old with boobies and fat rolls I know that the parent is being neglectful. They not only are not limiting their child's food intake, but they are not encouraging their activeness either. A parent is a child's first teacher, teach by example!

While I am on parenting, please don't allow your child to openly cuss. It's not only disrespectful, but it only makes you look ignorant. I know my children have cussed previously, but it is not coming from my household and the situation is always taken care of.

Futhermore, don't dress your child in rags while you are walking around with name brand swag. True story, there are 3 little boys in my neighborhood that wear flannel long sleeve pajamas in 90 degree weather all summer. Thus, I assumed the family was poor. Then I saw their mother. Her nails alone must have cost $45.00. She was in all name brand clothing, hair done, and carrying a designer purse. I wanted to smack her. My kids have never gone without.

Finally, don't ask someone on a date assuming they are there for the purpose of giving you sex. You know you don't want kids, so please don't ask a single mom out. See most of us are looking for soemone we could fall in love with. I will not love you if you are not going to love my kids. Don't waste my time or yours. Be a friend. This single mom is not putting out anytime soon.

5 Stages

She's dead. Like so many children that die every year, we still don't know for certain why she died. What I do know for sure is that I am a mom. I love, adore, and cherish my children. If one of my children died, no matter the reason behind it, I have no idea how I would act.

I would hope that I would not become some horrible monster. I would hope I didn't begin a self-destructive binge of alcohol, drugs and lies to cover up for the drugs and alcohol. At the same time, I would hope that I wouldn't sit inside alone with my tears unable to talk or cope with the situation. As you may have guessed, I am about to make some of you extremely angry by what I am going to say next. Please understand, this is not a justification of anything that occurred or the way it occurred. I believe in Justice. I also believe in truth. For Caylee Anthony, I don't know that she will ever just either on this earth. To be clear, none of us, NO ONE, except for Caylee and Casey really can know what happened. Also KNOW, this is JUST a theory. It is in no way defending the horrific death of an innocent girl. I have daughters too. I have 3 beautiful small daughters, and someone ever took their life I honestly don't know what I would do.

As I have said before, the greatest lies we tell our the ones we tell ourselves. We use the lies to cope, to hide, or to escape pressure from others. Unfortunately, she may not know why she lied. We all lie everyday, and is only a fine line between sanity and insanity and few know what it will take to cross it. The first stage of grief is DENIAL. When we deny something ultimately we are lying, not just to others, but mostly to ourselves. Some of us escape from reality now by drinking and partying. We using alcohol to forget our looming reality. It makes it easier to forget. Some even use sex. It's hard to experience pain when you are experiencing pleasure. As for  Casey, she was out finding her escape, living her denial if you will.

Let's say for a second that Caylee had accidentally drowned in the family pool. In that same second let's say that instead of denial, Casey had went to shock first and called 911. The police get there and find her accidentally drowned lying next to the pull. Her grieving mom is  soaking wet sitting next to her after jumping in after her daughter fully clothed. Would we have comforted her? Would we have cooked her a meal? Would we have used it as a reminder to ourselves that accidents happen daily so we should hug our own children extra tight? Or would we go buy a new lock for the fence around our own pools? I think that's how it would have happened. I think that's what a stable mom would have done. I think our reaction would have been sympathetic.

However, she went to denial first. So she started lying to herself first. Perhaps she was even lying to herself to such an extent that she had to make it look like a deliberate murder so she could believe her own lies as they began to surface in front of her. So she told herself her daughter was with a babysitter so she could party. She told her parents many lies. Then she lied to the police. Honestly, I think she believed her own lies. She was grieving. She was coping. She was doing whatever it took to get from one day, one hour, even one minute to the next.

Everyone has a point where their lies begin to catch up to them. They can no longer point fingers. They can no longer look away from the truth that is engulfing them. So the next stage of grief, ANGER, sets in. She begins to point fingers. She defers the blame from anyone but her, because honestly no one wants to be angry with themselves. Being angry with yourself means admitting and excepting responsibility and she is still coming off the denial stage. She can't admit that her daughter is gone, so in anger she begins pointing fingers elsewhere, like toward her parents.

So then she begins the next stage, BARGAINING. Except at this point, she is sitting in a courtroom so the ONLY people she can bargain with are the judge and jury. She did lie. She was charged, rightly so, of lying. Only she bargained her way out of murder. Maybe she did murder her daughter. It wouldn't have been the first time that has happened in this country. Then again maybe she didn't. The legal system decided, basically, that they could not decide definitively. Many innocent people have sat in jail for several years, so I had I been on that jury, and had there not been enough evidence, I would have done the same thing.

I don't think she has hit the DEPRESSION stage yet. I think that will happen when she goes home and realizes her daughter is no longer there. Then eventually, in time, she will have to ACCEPT that Caylee is not coming back. She is dead. Not her memory, but there will be no new memories with her child. She will not be heading off to school. There will be no birthday cake this year.

However, having said all I just said, Casey's true problem, her real world problem is not going to be losing her daughter. She will have to face that daily on her own anyway, but her real problem will be going out in public. Despite a jury decision, despite her possible innocence, a lot of people will want her dead. She will have to change her name, face, identity, and maybe even her location now thanks to media over-coverage. They really should be sending Casey a check, especially since no one will ever hire her again, for all the money she made all the news and information companies.

We've watched, we waited, we still have no answers, but I do have one answer. Love your children. They will change the world. If starting today, every parent, everywhere, started treating their children as if they were going to change the world, maybe the world would start to change. Maybe we would wake up 20 years from now in a safer place to live. Maybe no one would go hungry, everyone would have an education, a house, a job and health insurance. Maybe we would cure diseases and end the need for welfare. Maybe everyone would find their purpose, even if it was just to help out their fellow man as they need it. I love my kids and in honor of Caylee, my kids are going to think that starting today, they will change the world. Honestly, I hope they do.

To My BFF

Dear Alisha,

You are about to embark on the greatest journey of your life. You are going to be in pain lots and lots of pain. You are going to forget to breathe, feel like you have to take a massive shit, and then push a pineapple through a lemon hole. Don't worry it gets better, I promise.

Meeting your daughter is like having an Internet boyfriend for 9 months. You've never met them and looked them directly in the face, but you feel like you have truly gotten to know them over those 9 months. No matter what you plan for, think you know, or dream of, actually meeting your daughter will not be as you planned. There are no words to describe the love you will feel for the tiny, bloody human they place on, instead of in your stomach for the first time. The emotions are over-whelming. You have spent nine months in expectation of what she will look like, how much you will love her, and how your life will change. She will exceed your every expectation.

I was once told that having a baby would change me. I didn't expect a total transformation. I got one though. When I took my son home everything became a hazard. Will he pull the bookcase on his head? Will he bite the electrical wires? Will he find the knife drawer and carve our turkey in my sleep? Ultimately one day you will realize that not everything will kill her. You won't knock her umbilical cord off on accident. You won't be so tired you fall asleep while giving her a bath. She's not going to die of diaper rash.

You will spend months waiting for each milestone. Each accomplishment will become your accomplishment. When she crawls, you will brag to the world that she is crawling. Just remember that the pains she feels will hurt worse than your own pain. So the first time she takes a step and face-plants, you may cry too. You will focus so much on every aspect of her life, that eventually you will see the world differently. Everything she knows will come from you. Just remember, for everything you teach her, she will teach you two things.

She will trust everyone. So teach her that people (especially men) lie. Also, teach her to be honest despite the deceit around her. Show her love. Tell her you love her daily. Give her kisses and hugs, even when she thinks she is too old.

All too soon she will be walking up to pre-school with a back-pack, a new outfit, and depending on her personality, tears or a giant smile.  Christopher pushed me away and didn't need me anymore that day. I didn't do it there, but I got in the van and absolutely bawled.  Then the next year she will be boarding a giant yellow bus. The day will be full of pictures and tears. That's about what I know as my oldest will only be turning 8 soon.

The other stuff I know is that there is no right way to be a mom. There is only your way and everybody else's way. You will get a ton of unsolicited advice. You will have to decide which advice to use. Sometimes you will need advice. Don't hesitate to get it. Make good choices when possible. Someday you will make a mistake, when you do forgive yourself and apologize to her. Stand by your decisions. Stick to grounding. Be firm, but know when to have fun. Remember there is humor in even the most angering situations. So when she drops the entire carton of eggs on the kitchen floor one by one to see if they all will break, take time to take a picture. Someday, when you are older, you will be glad you did.

The most difficult part of the first year will be when you think you want to go out by yourself. You will tell yourself you want some me time, but you will spend the whole time missing her and calling the babysitter 8 times before you realize you'd rather be home.

You will cry. You will laugh. The days will fly by like you blinked and you will look into the eyes of your seven year old and remember her as the bloody screaming baby on your stomach. You will never ever forget the first time you look into her little eyes. You will count her fingers and her toes. Speaking of you will cut too far and make her bleed at least once. We all do it.

You will watch her fall and not catch her in time. Some boy will hurt her and you won't be able to stop the tears. Someone will tease her, and you won't be able to kick their ass. Life will fly by and all too fast you will be calling me from the hospital after holding your grandchild and you will wonder wth happened.

Love, Jenelle

Little Girls Living in a Women's World

In my own way, when I was little I tried to be more grown up. I wanted to wear mommy's shoes (although I don't think my mom has ever worn heels), I wanted to put on her lipstick, try on grandma's wigs, and prance around with a bra stuffed with socks on. I would put on a pretty dress and get my hair curled. I wanted my nails painted now and again. 

I find myself doing these things with my daughters now as a mom. I give them the prettiest dresses, I curl their hair, I never hesitate to paint their nails, and yes, I have let them try on mommy's bra. None of these things have I ever found to be out of the realm of things I would allow my daughters to do.

Lately, I have been doing some shopping (ok, some is a slight underestimation) for my children's fall and winter attire. I have been bargain shopping via garage sales, the Salvation Army, and Goodwill.  I even bought them some cute clearence tennis shoes at the Wal-Mart, and some dress shoes at Family Dollar. (Yes, I bought them 2 inch heels which I am about to bash myself ever so slightly) As I hold the attire up to my children to see if it looks like the right size, I began to notice some things.

Girls clothes are short. Yes, I understand that they are just kids and men are not supposed to see a short skirt on a 5 year old as a sexual attraction, but some molesters may.  Far worse than the molesters however, is what my daughters have begun to expect to wear and their reasoning behind it. My daughter prefer the short/tight clothing. When asked why they explaining that it's normal, in style, and it makes them look pretty. Look pretty compared to what? I am not one to brag but my 3 little girls are absolutely gorgeous! Manda is very tan, slim, huge blue eyes, so she has thin hair and still not a lot of it, she's pretty. Sydney has white/blonde hair, freckles, porcelain skin and better muscle tone in her arms then some high school athletes. Finally, Skye has the biggest green eyes you've ever seen, an amazing smile, and full thick brown hair.

So in other words my beautiful girls are already under the impression that their clothing can make them look ugly faster than a bad attitude, uncombed hair, or being dirty. I have learned the styles that are in as to avoid the awful unpopular experience of my elementary years which carried on through school, since while I love my parents, neither has much in the way of fashion sense. My kids wear all the name brands, they are extremely well and cheaply dressed. They are so well-dressed that many assume we have money. I have never been upset to dress them as the other children are dressing until lately.

Why are they making belly shirt for little girls? Why are their short all made with a one inch inseam? Why do they have mini skirts for toddlers? What's next, thong underwear in a  size 2T? I bought them some low-rise jeans, some tank tops, even a bikini or two, but a mom has to draw a line somewhere. My daughters are not sex objects. Their worries should be which color of crayons to use, being on time for the bus, if they remember to brush their teeth, or what their snack will be. They should not be concerned with what they where aside from which character is on it, or what color it is.

They even have real children's make-up now. I know that one day my girls will wish to hide behind make-up to help diminish personal insecurities as all women do. That day should be long after their 14th birthday when they still have no idea what potential they have or power they hold, but want feel like a woman. No one can get back the years of hotness they experience prior to having kids or turning 30. If I knew how pretty I was back then I wouldn't be where I am at now!

Sketchers even makes shape-ups for kids. (You know that shoe that is supposed to tone your legs and butt) They advertise it as being being in shape, but really we all know it's aimed at the slightly chunky 7 year old that has already come on board the self-destructive cycle of being teased. At 7 I can't remember anyone being made fun of for their weight. Today, my kids will just tell you if you are fat. (Kids, especially mine, don't lie about this matter) Some company even makes padded bikinis for when your 6 year old's breasts just aren't big enough. I'm all for my kids being excited about one day having boobs, although on a personal note to all little girls, bras and periods should not in any way be looked forward to. If I have to hear them ask one more time when they can have boobies though, I may just sue the entertainment industry.

Right now I am wearing size 9 pants. Ok, so it's bigger than I like. I want to be a six again, but I am experiencing some medical issues that cause me to be bloated. According to the modeling industry, size 6 is fat! You have to be a 2 to even be considered for anything but a plus-size model. Why? Most men I know find skinny girls to be too skinny. They like having a butt to admire and natural cleavage. I want my girls to know that they can look good at any size with the proper clothing. (Yes, I believe some clothes should come with a weight limit) Belly shirts and bikinis don't look good on everyone. That's why they have tankinis and one piece bathing suits and cover-ups if you're still to fat. If you are fat, I suggest you use them. I won't sugar coat it and tell you to embrace your fat rolls. I have to look at you. I wouldn't wear a bikini, so please do me the same favor.

At the same token, my 5 and 4 year olds should not worry that they ate too much ice-cream, that their birthday cake will go straight to their thighs, or that they need to work out everyday to burn off the unwanted calories they are consuming. They should be little girls. They aren't supposed to be sexy! (really what parent wants their girls to grow up and be sexy?) They are supposed to be girls.

I leave you with this: Build your daughter's self-esteem. Tell her daily she is beautiful. Congratulate her on her successes. Tell her you love her so the first boy that comes along and says it to her won't get laid.  Teach her about nutrition, but don't make it a concern or the center of her life. Dress her appropriately, you buy the clothes so send a message to the clothing makers. These are our little girls, raise them right.

My Right To Choose

There are 3 very important choices a parent makes when choosing to have a child: who the other parent will be, the child's name (it has to grow well with them, be used daily, and it's how they are known forever), and finally what school will the child attend. The first two are usually thought of in advance (don't tell me that the other parent is not thought out!), but the third one is a bit more complex.

For me, this choice was one of a lot of thought. My children's education is one thing that can never be taken from them. The teachers my children will have will shape a lot more than their basic knowledge, but also how they interact with others, how confident they will become, and finally what career path they may choose.

When I moved into my apartment, it was not because of the neighborhood. It was cheap, extremely nice, brand new, and in a close proximity to food and other essential stores. My oldest was in pre-school (a private preschool which I paid for on my own since I got no child support for the whole first year after I left my ex husband) so I really hadn't thought much about the elementary school.

For my own protection here: The things I am about to say are my experiences the way I remember them. I am not directly quoting, nor is this a personal attack against the men and women that work within my local elementary school, although maybe if someone sent it to them, it would be a wake up call!!!

I took Christopher down the road to our local elementary school for kindergarten round-up. (for those that don't know that is a mass kindergarten registration) Upon arrival I noticed immediately we were one of 3 white families in the whole room. (This is not racist for me. Many of my closest friends are of other races and I embrace other cultures. It is just part of the story and it has a point.) Of course, then one of the other white families decides to move over and sit next to us.

I try not to judge people on their appearance, however when a person smells so badly that you have an uncontrollable urge to gag, and you have to resist that urge for an hour, you may as well go ahead and gag. My son did. About 5 times during the night.  As if their obesity and smell wasn't pleasing enough, they began to open their mouths and ask a ton of racist questions about the school. Don't use the 'n' word around me, especially not while being surrounded by people in the neighborhood that are black. I will get angry. I will tell you that you are a moron. So when they did, I did. As we are finishing our lovely conversation, the principal gets up to speak.

Once again, appearances are not everything. The principal was dressed nicely, well-groomed, and looked very caring and professional. The main problem is that he opened his mouth. When addressing a group of people, and telling them how important their child's education is to you, please USE PROPER GRAMMAR!!! When you speak and you show nothing but incompetence for the English language, and you run the entire school, you should be ashamed. My 5 year old son corrected his grammar twice under his breath. (something I am proud to say he gets from me)

In the meantime, kids were being loud, jumping off tables, cussing like sailors, and not being told to do otherwise. The parents were just sitting there listening to the man with bad grammar while even the teachers just stood there doing nothing about the kids who could have easily been hurt. Finally, they introduced the teachers, none of which seemed to even like kids, and let us go turn in our paperwork. I spoke to 2 of the teachers to ask general questions. Both were beyond rude.

As we went to leave and get back in the van, I watched my son break down into tears. "Mommy, I can't go here. They smelled so bad. They don't know how to talk right. The kids are so scary." As I watched my son cry, I knew I had to do something. A couple weeks later we got a paper in the mail about school choice. Since Roosevelt was a failing elementary, the school system would have to provide transportation to another school. I called that instant.

I was told to come in the administration building, so I did. I talked to the lady there who once again was rude. "Well, just why do you want to transfer him? He won't be able to get free tutoring at another school. He won't be entitled to free programs anymore." I explained to her I was "unimpressed" with the school. He wouldn't need tutoring, I had two years of college for elementary education. We were not a charity case. She sighed and continued to explain how the bus would be there at 7am and how most parents think they want choice, but change their mind. She mind some comment regarding my age too. I left insulted, but confident my son's education would be taken care of.

Every school day for the last 2 years my son has gotten up at 6am to catch a bus at the school he should have attended at 6:55am. While I was tired, while I was pregnant, while my other kids were sick, everyday we loaded up, went to the school and he caught that bus. Never once did I regret my decision to send him to a place that allows him to flourish. He has the 3rd highest grades in his classroom of 20 well-behaved students. I am confident that his second grade year will be just as good.

This year I took a trip to his school to enroll his sisters in kindergarten. We were greeted with smiles. The teachers fought over who would get to do my twins entrance exams, as they have all told me Christopher is one of their favorite students. When I talked to the principal about keeping my twincesses in the same class, she took care of it immediately and ensured me that it would always be my choice to make. The parents were smiling, the kids were giggling, and everyone left happy.

Also this year when I paid my visit to the administration building, I was greeted at the door. There was a grand apology by the lady in charge of transfers. Not only did she remember me, but she informed me that I had exceeded her expectations. Apparently, many young moms go in there to take advantage of school choice because it looks good on the surface and to others. Most drop out of it in the first 6 months. (I have found this to be true as well.) I guess my son's school had personally called her and told her how excited they were to be getting my twins and that she should take good care of me. She even offered me some advice about head start (I still chose my private preschool) She even said she understood that and was amazed that I would scrap together money just for that purpose. As I left, she told me she would see me next year and was looking forward to it.

I think every parent has a choice. I may not be able to choose where I can afford to live, but I can choose to live well where I am at. My son is well-manner, educated, reading above his level, and happy. I am tired from getting up so early. I think it's going to be 5:30am this year since the girls have to get dressed and have their hair done, but it will be nice to know they are going to be safe and well taken care of.