Sometimes I write about my kids, sometimes I write about my personal life, sometimes about friends, and sometimes I just write about how confused I can be. This is one of those times. Am I making sense? Perhaps not. Or, just maybe, I am about to blow your mind.
When I met my son's father, there was nothing there. There wasn't an initial attraction, thus no real chemistry. He was into me however, so I began talking to him. By our third date I knew that I could fall in love with him. I did. I wasn't going to give up, let go, or let it die, but he did. He let people eat away at his decisions and let them no longer become his own thoughts and opinions and I lost what I had.
Since that moment, I have tried to find a comparable moment. I have talked to several men. I have been on dates. I have tried the "just friends" thing and the "relationship" thing, but I have not had that same connection, and since I no longer have that connection with baby daddy, it has become the ONLY thing missing in my life. I am picky. No reason to lie. I want someone with morals, values, my sense of humor, tall, handsome, and a great dad. (That's right people I am exclusively dating single fathers. If he can't take care of his own kids, he sure as heck can't take care of mine.)
I have begun the process of becoming the woman a man would want to marry as well, don't think I am expecting the world of a man when I can't even deliver the moon. I am working out daily. (I will post result pictures at my son's first birthday party when I should hit my expected goal weight.) I am keeping the house clean, the laundry done, and my kids well organized. I am reading the Bible regularly, attending church, and praying for the right man to enter our lives and complete our family.
I guess I am having trouble dealing with the concept that this may not happen. I can hope, wish, pray and prepare for a husband all I want, but if I am not feeling it, it's just not right. I also find myself pulling away from certain types of people I formerly associated with. If you drink heavily, do drugs, or use a lot of immoral behavior to control your life, I haven't been talking to as much. I am working on being a better mother so that if and when I do find the right man I can focus on the relationship knowing that the rest of my life is in order.
My kids have been praying for me to find a husband too. They miss baby daddy a lot especially now that they are getting older and beginning to realize the type of man their father actually is. I have stopped dwelling on my personal hurt and have turned my focus on what I can do to help the hurt in others. I may walk away from this experience with many new friends, but so far I often feel like a lot of my conversations are one sided or aimed at trying to get in my pants.
I have made many mistakes in the last 9 years. Having sex again outside of marriage will not be one of them. If you know that "right" guy for me or you think you do, send him my way. I am not opposed to being set up. I want to be in love and happy again. I really want the opportunity to be all I can for myself and for my children first, but when I meet the right guy, I will just know and pray he knows too.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Thursday, August 18, 2011
What If We Were Wrong About Each Other
I think by now you all know, I gave away school related essentials to kids that needed it this last Saturday. I have been doing this for three years now. Every year the media reports on the line, mostly how "massive" and "impressive" it is. What they don't tell you is the impact of what this event does. They don't tell the real stories of the people in line. They don't tell you the stories about the volunteers. Some of you know my story, some are still piecing it together. For those that know, you know why I am there until 11pm the night before and back before 6am the next morning. Those stories, while important and relevant, do not compare to the under-cover stories I hear in the volunteer room. The stories are not that of the families we are helping, or even the volunteers, but rather the following is my personal conviction about the lack of administrative caring within the school.
This is a portion of the line for the people I spent the day directing volunteers where to go and help. The need is greater every year.
I have had many teachers in my lifetime. Some cared, some really didn't. I still have never forgotten how my 8th grade history teacher still had to refer to me as, "you" at nearly the end of my 8th grade year. Yes, I was quiet, but I got an A in his class. If he called on me, I always had the right answer. My seventh grade history teacher once made me stop giving answers in a game, because I was right more than I should have been. You see over the years I had learned if you stop talking, and really listen you will find the truth. Also, then when you actually speak what you say is more meaningful. The following is my "I Have a Dream" speech. While I am not Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I do think that after my Saturday all that I am about to say is valid.
What if on the first day of class the teacher didn't judge you by your appearance? What if she looked past your dirty clothes and tangled hair? What if she didn't see your backpack that you had to wait 6 hours in line to get because your parents couldn't afford it? What if the opposite were true? What if she didn't look at your $60 jeans and name brand shirt? What if she didn't look at your manicured nails and perfect hair? What she didn't notice your well balanced lunch in a shiny new lunch box? What if she didn't judge you before you arrived based on other teachers opinions? What if she decided to care whether your parents do or not? What if she decided to treat everyone as equals? What if she assumed you were smart? What if she took a personal interest in you?
What if she let everyone start on the same playing field? What if she told you that the way you are treated at home will not be the way you are treated here? What if she talked to you? What if she knew more about you than your name? What if there was no judgement placed on you because of your older siblings? What if she looked past your neighborhood, your address, and your house? What if while she cared that your daddy is in jail, she didn't hold it against you? What if because you come from these things she held you to a higher standard? What if she took extra time to love you instead of judge you? What if she decided to push you further?
What if grades were based on your personal effort? What if she didn't just pass you to get rid of you? What if you had to meet standards laid before you? What if can't was taken out of your vocabulary? What if because one teacher cared one student didn't do drugs? What if because one teacher cared one student stayed out of jail? What if because one teacher cared a little girl didn't have to go home to her drug addicted mother passed out on the couch? What if because one teacher cared a child wasn't found dead in their abusive environment? What if they cared?
What if that one teacher, turned into all teachers? What if all the teachers cared about every student? What if they all stopped judging? What if they all stopped talking about the children as a job and a paycheck? What if they saw the children as the future? What if those children had children? What if their children changed the neighborhood? What if the drugs stopped? What if they all went to college? What if they all came back to improve the neighborhood?
You see people, I spent a day in the volunteer room with the 4 teachers that bothered to care. Even those teachers talked about how when the parents don't care it's pointless to try to teach the children in the room. The behavior of the kids is so bad in the poor neighborhoods, it's almost impossible to teach anything. It left me wondering why they don't change it. If they got up in front of the students and told them they all could have an A. They were not going to be graded on their clothes, money, cleanliness, parents, siblings, neighborhood, or anything else that may be a concern for them so they could focus more on studying and less on worrying about being judged.
The differences within elementary schools within my neighborhood and the one I send my kids to haunt me. When I went to open house night at my kids' school they were great with hugs, by the teachers and by the principal. When I told my twins kindergarten teacher what I do just to get them to the better school, I knew she was going to use that information to push my girls harder instead of holding them back.
95 percent of students in my neighborhood school are on free lunch. They all have the same backpack, mostly because we give them away for free and their parents are willing to wait in line for as much as 10 hours just to get them one. The teachers are more concerned with disciplining the students then giving an education. I know not just from what I heard, but also because the "good/quiet" students have teachers that don't even know their name. If you show up and don't hit somebody, no one bothers to get to know you.
To conclude this I want you all to know I met a grandma that was a retired guidance counselor. She sent her grandchild to the school my children attend. She made the principals honor roll there for 2 years. Then she moved into my neighborhood. The child was quiet, did her work, but got all Fs except for one lone D. You may say the work was harder. I have seen and compared my son's work to the work being done here, his is by far the more challenging. So one has to ask how does a good student fall through the cracks? However, that wasn't my question. My question was rather, "how does one let a child fall through the cracks, and then move them to the next grade?" You all think about that.
I have had many teachers in my lifetime. Some cared, some really didn't. I still have never forgotten how my 8th grade history teacher still had to refer to me as, "you" at nearly the end of my 8th grade year. Yes, I was quiet, but I got an A in his class. If he called on me, I always had the right answer. My seventh grade history teacher once made me stop giving answers in a game, because I was right more than I should have been. You see over the years I had learned if you stop talking, and really listen you will find the truth. Also, then when you actually speak what you say is more meaningful. The following is my "I Have a Dream" speech. While I am not Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I do think that after my Saturday all that I am about to say is valid.
What if on the first day of class the teacher didn't judge you by your appearance? What if she looked past your dirty clothes and tangled hair? What if she didn't see your backpack that you had to wait 6 hours in line to get because your parents couldn't afford it? What if the opposite were true? What if she didn't look at your $60 jeans and name brand shirt? What if she didn't look at your manicured nails and perfect hair? What she didn't notice your well balanced lunch in a shiny new lunch box? What if she didn't judge you before you arrived based on other teachers opinions? What if she decided to care whether your parents do or not? What if she decided to treat everyone as equals? What if she assumed you were smart? What if she took a personal interest in you?
What if she let everyone start on the same playing field? What if she told you that the way you are treated at home will not be the way you are treated here? What if she talked to you? What if she knew more about you than your name? What if there was no judgement placed on you because of your older siblings? What if she looked past your neighborhood, your address, and your house? What if while she cared that your daddy is in jail, she didn't hold it against you? What if because you come from these things she held you to a higher standard? What if she took extra time to love you instead of judge you? What if she decided to push you further?
What if grades were based on your personal effort? What if she didn't just pass you to get rid of you? What if you had to meet standards laid before you? What if can't was taken out of your vocabulary? What if because one teacher cared one student didn't do drugs? What if because one teacher cared one student stayed out of jail? What if because one teacher cared a little girl didn't have to go home to her drug addicted mother passed out on the couch? What if because one teacher cared a child wasn't found dead in their abusive environment? What if they cared?
What if that one teacher, turned into all teachers? What if all the teachers cared about every student? What if they all stopped judging? What if they all stopped talking about the children as a job and a paycheck? What if they saw the children as the future? What if those children had children? What if their children changed the neighborhood? What if the drugs stopped? What if they all went to college? What if they all came back to improve the neighborhood?
You see people, I spent a day in the volunteer room with the 4 teachers that bothered to care. Even those teachers talked about how when the parents don't care it's pointless to try to teach the children in the room. The behavior of the kids is so bad in the poor neighborhoods, it's almost impossible to teach anything. It left me wondering why they don't change it. If they got up in front of the students and told them they all could have an A. They were not going to be graded on their clothes, money, cleanliness, parents, siblings, neighborhood, or anything else that may be a concern for them so they could focus more on studying and less on worrying about being judged.
The differences within elementary schools within my neighborhood and the one I send my kids to haunt me. When I went to open house night at my kids' school they were great with hugs, by the teachers and by the principal. When I told my twins kindergarten teacher what I do just to get them to the better school, I knew she was going to use that information to push my girls harder instead of holding them back.
95 percent of students in my neighborhood school are on free lunch. They all have the same backpack, mostly because we give them away for free and their parents are willing to wait in line for as much as 10 hours just to get them one. The teachers are more concerned with disciplining the students then giving an education. I know not just from what I heard, but also because the "good/quiet" students have teachers that don't even know their name. If you show up and don't hit somebody, no one bothers to get to know you.
To conclude this I want you all to know I met a grandma that was a retired guidance counselor. She sent her grandchild to the school my children attend. She made the principals honor roll there for 2 years. Then she moved into my neighborhood. The child was quiet, did her work, but got all Fs except for one lone D. You may say the work was harder. I have seen and compared my son's work to the work being done here, his is by far the more challenging. So one has to ask how does a good student fall through the cracks? However, that wasn't my question. My question was rather, "how does one let a child fall through the cracks, and then move them to the next grade?" You all think about that.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I'm Gonna Make Fun Of You Now...
Some of you may have seen my facebook post on bullying yesterday and I would like to take this opportunity to explain my theory. You may take it and run with it, or throw it out the window, I really don't care. This is MY theory and I AM entitled to it.
I think as a society we spend way too much time on the whole "poor me" thing. Oh, "poor me", I got dumped, I am too fat, my car broke down, the popular kids made fun of my hair, I can't sit with the "cool kids" because I am not wearing name brands. Get over YOURSELF!!! Yes, I said it. While it is very wrong for anyone to make fun of another person there is a reason behind it. Usually the people making fun of you are insecure about themselves and need to make fun of you to feel better about themselves.
That can't be the case though, because they are "popular" and so there is no way they can possibly be insecure. All you want to do is fit in with their group. You are so wrong. They became popular because other kids allowed them to ruin their self-esteem and control the way the feel to a point that we have become so insecure that we believe their lies and turn into the losers that we allow them to make us.
Let me put this another way. In the real adult world, we continue our high school antics. I was working in a local mall. In this mall there were some very distinct cliques. There were the 40 somethings that had been mall managers way too long and they tried to avoid all the younger managers because they wanted to look like they knew what they were doing and we there because they were actually good at their jobs when the reality was that they had stayed too long and couldn't make a better wage elsewhere. There were the teenagers that worked part-time and knew each other from school. Then there were two very different groups in their 20s and 30s. The first group worked in places like technology stores and book stores. They were a bit different, probably not in the "in-crowd" during school. Then there were the "hot girls". Yes, you know you have seen them. These are the pretty girls that work mostly in fashion related stores. They all date men with money, so they really don't need to make that much. Plus all the male shoppers bring them little treats like donuts so they really don't have to buy anything.
I began as a tech geek in the mall. I was still a bit chunky from having Skye and I was a quiet worker that kept to myself. After being there about 6 months I made a personal choice to get all the weight off. Everyone noticed. The security guards would stop and make small talk. And yes, I even got fresh donuts every morning I worked thanks to AT&T guys. Eventually, the "hot girls" had taken notice. I got an invite to go out drinking after work. I politely explained I had to get back to my 4 children at the time, but thanks anyway. The "hot girls" continued to talk to me daily now. While it was nice to have the option of being a part of this exclusive group, I realized I really didn't like them. We had nothing in common. They all were dating these super-model looking men and I was happily single. None of them had kids and I had 4. So on some level the girls I thought I wanted to be associated with, were really never people I would choose for friends at all.
So flash back to high school. You can picture that core group of people that was "popular". Maybe they were jocks, had money, a good car, or name-brand clothing, but were any of them really friends? Were they even really friends with each other? I love watching them on facebook now. Ya, I may not have been "good enough" (whatever you define that as) in high school to hang out with them, but they sure do like to send me facebook requests now. I will never forget being the quiet girl in their mind. I would listen in on all their conversations in high school, and really they all hated each other. I really and truly believe none of them were ever actually friends. It was all a big fake act complete with hugs, and false compliments that were denied the instant one of them left the room so the others could insult her. It was sad.
Which brings me to my next point, why are all these kids so hell bent on hanging out with kids that don't like them? They don't even like each other. Putting on name brand clothes, winning the lottery, working your butt off to afford a new car, those things will not change who you are inside. A nerd can't put on a pair of Silver's and suddenly become prom queen. It only happens in the movies.
I would also like to say that a bunch of them have reached out to me. They never once apologized for excluding me, I don't want that. I threw carrots at the fat girls (I am truly and sincerely sorry for that btw. I was the "fat girl" within my own circle.) The reason these people are coming to me: divorce and child custody. Yes, that's right apparently I am the resident child custody and divorce expert of my high school. I have had 7 people contact me in the last 3 months alone. I am not complaining at all. Anyone that needs help with either of these I am more than happy to help, but I am surprised. More importantly, I think they were surprised. I am funny, nice, smart and helpful. since they never talked to me before they had no idea and I really could see a few of these people in my life for a while. I think a lot of it has to do with a personal change in my life though.
We have to start by liking ourselves. I am going to be brutally honest for a moment. My oldest son is a nerd. He wears glasses, has a nerdy sense of humor, and let's face it he has a lot of his dad's ideas in him. (By that I mean he thinks that working in a factory after high school while living on grandma's couch constitutes a life plan) I buy Christopher (my son's name) all the name brand clothes I can find. I made sure he got good glasses for his face. I encourage him to keep his hairstyle current. I buy him the "right" shoes. All his school supplies this year were unique. I do this stuff so that my son can never blame anyone for his level of popularity but himself.
See I spent a lot of time blaming my parents since I was unpopular. My parents were too old to dress me fashionably. They were old school and never bought me anything trendy. I didn't have a cell phone until I was 19. My mom thought elastic waist blue jeans were the "in" style cause that was all she wore. So I blamed my mom and dad for what would have probably had the same outcome either way. I wasn't quite a nerd, but I definitely was not popular. Sure I had my share of boyfriends, had a fair amount of parties, and sat with a close knit circle, however, I never got invited to go do anything with the carpeted-side of the cafeteria kids freshman year.
As for my other kids, Manda and Sydney are twins. They will be instantly popular as they know the other set of twins which are their brother's cousins. Sydney is extremely athletic and will most likely just fit right in. Manda is quiet, but she's very pretty. Everywhere we go, boys follow her around already. (Yes, I will be investing in a large stick to keep by my front door) Skye is just lovable with a huge personality and with her sisters to pave the way I am certain she will be just as popular. All 4 of my older kids will be in high school at the same time.
The difference between my kids and the other kids though will be that my kids will not be victims. They will not sit around and say "why me". Instead my kids will go out and create their own path. I tell my kids daily that life is too short to waste trying to please people that don't like you. Like yourself. Find others you like. Share your love with the world and you will feel better about yourself.
I think Will Smith says it best, " Money and success don't change people; they merely amplify what is already there. Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too. Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like."
I think as a society we spend way too much time on the whole "poor me" thing. Oh, "poor me", I got dumped, I am too fat, my car broke down, the popular kids made fun of my hair, I can't sit with the "cool kids" because I am not wearing name brands. Get over YOURSELF!!! Yes, I said it. While it is very wrong for anyone to make fun of another person there is a reason behind it. Usually the people making fun of you are insecure about themselves and need to make fun of you to feel better about themselves.
That can't be the case though, because they are "popular" and so there is no way they can possibly be insecure. All you want to do is fit in with their group. You are so wrong. They became popular because other kids allowed them to ruin their self-esteem and control the way the feel to a point that we have become so insecure that we believe their lies and turn into the losers that we allow them to make us.
Let me put this another way. In the real adult world, we continue our high school antics. I was working in a local mall. In this mall there were some very distinct cliques. There were the 40 somethings that had been mall managers way too long and they tried to avoid all the younger managers because they wanted to look like they knew what they were doing and we there because they were actually good at their jobs when the reality was that they had stayed too long and couldn't make a better wage elsewhere. There were the teenagers that worked part-time and knew each other from school. Then there were two very different groups in their 20s and 30s. The first group worked in places like technology stores and book stores. They were a bit different, probably not in the "in-crowd" during school. Then there were the "hot girls". Yes, you know you have seen them. These are the pretty girls that work mostly in fashion related stores. They all date men with money, so they really don't need to make that much. Plus all the male shoppers bring them little treats like donuts so they really don't have to buy anything.
I began as a tech geek in the mall. I was still a bit chunky from having Skye and I was a quiet worker that kept to myself. After being there about 6 months I made a personal choice to get all the weight off. Everyone noticed. The security guards would stop and make small talk. And yes, I even got fresh donuts every morning I worked thanks to AT&T guys. Eventually, the "hot girls" had taken notice. I got an invite to go out drinking after work. I politely explained I had to get back to my 4 children at the time, but thanks anyway. The "hot girls" continued to talk to me daily now. While it was nice to have the option of being a part of this exclusive group, I realized I really didn't like them. We had nothing in common. They all were dating these super-model looking men and I was happily single. None of them had kids and I had 4. So on some level the girls I thought I wanted to be associated with, were really never people I would choose for friends at all.
So flash back to high school. You can picture that core group of people that was "popular". Maybe they were jocks, had money, a good car, or name-brand clothing, but were any of them really friends? Were they even really friends with each other? I love watching them on facebook now. Ya, I may not have been "good enough" (whatever you define that as) in high school to hang out with them, but they sure do like to send me facebook requests now. I will never forget being the quiet girl in their mind. I would listen in on all their conversations in high school, and really they all hated each other. I really and truly believe none of them were ever actually friends. It was all a big fake act complete with hugs, and false compliments that were denied the instant one of them left the room so the others could insult her. It was sad.
Which brings me to my next point, why are all these kids so hell bent on hanging out with kids that don't like them? They don't even like each other. Putting on name brand clothes, winning the lottery, working your butt off to afford a new car, those things will not change who you are inside. A nerd can't put on a pair of Silver's and suddenly become prom queen. It only happens in the movies.
I would also like to say that a bunch of them have reached out to me. They never once apologized for excluding me, I don't want that. I threw carrots at the fat girls (I am truly and sincerely sorry for that btw. I was the "fat girl" within my own circle.) The reason these people are coming to me: divorce and child custody. Yes, that's right apparently I am the resident child custody and divorce expert of my high school. I have had 7 people contact me in the last 3 months alone. I am not complaining at all. Anyone that needs help with either of these I am more than happy to help, but I am surprised. More importantly, I think they were surprised. I am funny, nice, smart and helpful. since they never talked to me before they had no idea and I really could see a few of these people in my life for a while. I think a lot of it has to do with a personal change in my life though.
We have to start by liking ourselves. I am going to be brutally honest for a moment. My oldest son is a nerd. He wears glasses, has a nerdy sense of humor, and let's face it he has a lot of his dad's ideas in him. (By that I mean he thinks that working in a factory after high school while living on grandma's couch constitutes a life plan) I buy Christopher (my son's name) all the name brand clothes I can find. I made sure he got good glasses for his face. I encourage him to keep his hairstyle current. I buy him the "right" shoes. All his school supplies this year were unique. I do this stuff so that my son can never blame anyone for his level of popularity but himself.
See I spent a lot of time blaming my parents since I was unpopular. My parents were too old to dress me fashionably. They were old school and never bought me anything trendy. I didn't have a cell phone until I was 19. My mom thought elastic waist blue jeans were the "in" style cause that was all she wore. So I blamed my mom and dad for what would have probably had the same outcome either way. I wasn't quite a nerd, but I definitely was not popular. Sure I had my share of boyfriends, had a fair amount of parties, and sat with a close knit circle, however, I never got invited to go do anything with the carpeted-side of the cafeteria kids freshman year.
As for my other kids, Manda and Sydney are twins. They will be instantly popular as they know the other set of twins which are their brother's cousins. Sydney is extremely athletic and will most likely just fit right in. Manda is quiet, but she's very pretty. Everywhere we go, boys follow her around already. (Yes, I will be investing in a large stick to keep by my front door) Skye is just lovable with a huge personality and with her sisters to pave the way I am certain she will be just as popular. All 4 of my older kids will be in high school at the same time.
The difference between my kids and the other kids though will be that my kids will not be victims. They will not sit around and say "why me". Instead my kids will go out and create their own path. I tell my kids daily that life is too short to waste trying to please people that don't like you. Like yourself. Find others you like. Share your love with the world and you will feel better about yourself.
I think Will Smith says it best, " Money and success don't change people; they merely amplify what is already there. Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too. Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like."
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
It's Just A Part In The Movie Of My Life
So I read this book. (OMG call the media, Jenelle had time to read a book!!!) It was called Consequential Strangers. The gist of the book is basically that the majority of the people and events that shape our lives, contribute to our happiness, or helped us get where we are today are not people within our family. Rather we drift through life meeting a bunch of "strangers" that give us a chance, give us hope, teach us a lesson and leave us with a memory. It asks you to make a list of the people or moments for those moments that contained many people in their production that made you who you are. So, I made a brief list. This is just a starting off point as the book of my life has yet to be written. If you made my list, chances are you will also be in my book. Congrats!
I guess I will start my list with the obvious. The following people were teachers from various points in my career. Perhaps you also had these teachers. Perhaps these teachers also shaped your life. Feel free to comment or message me if it is so. I want tons of comments on this blog!
Mrs. Noaker was my 6th grade teacher. She was the first person to ever tell me my real problem with school: I was bored. At parent teacher conferences she explained to my mom that the reason I made stupid mistakes (keep in mind at this point I was a straight A student) was that I was not being challenged enough. I tend to tone out when I am bored or just hurry through my work because it is too easy for me. Even now, I am still this way. I make stupid errors, even misspelling my child's name just to get the easy part out of the way. She decided to place me in journalism the following year. That was where I met my next teacher.
Mr. Free was my 7th and 8th grade journalism teacher. He was also the teacher I chose to come back and do my cadet teaching with. I think he had to be my favorite teacher basically because I was never bored. It wasn't a normal class. It had different, more adult expectations and he treated us as responsible teens without us having to earn it. Plus I still use his "no whining" slogan with my own children. I think the biggest impact he had on my life was telling me that I would make a great teacher. I may have never became a "teacher", but I am a mom of 5 kids that I shape, mold and teach daily. I hope I am fulfilling the expectations he had of me.
Mrs. Greene was my 11th grade Honors English teacher. She taught me how to love. See she didn't play favorites. Every student was her favorite. Every class was loved equally. At the end of every week we got a love letter from her. It was always unique just for that class. The more I think about it, the more I want to write each of my children a weekly love letter. Perhaps I will even set up an email account just for each one to send them pictures and emails about the weeks events in honor of one of my favorite teachers. I think the thing I loved most about her is something I will never do. she invited us all to her house and let us eat anywhere we wanted. She had white carpet. If only I were so brave.
Ms. Shoener was my data analysis and probability teacher. I want to clarify that she is on the list because not every experience in life is a good one. She gave me my first D. Had I earned that D I would have accepted it and moved on. However, we had a final project I had been working on for 3 weeks. We were all given a disk by her, to do our project on the school computers. The day before it was due, she had seen my project, looked it over, complimented it, and told me I could print it the next day as we were out of time. So the next morning while all of us were getting ready to print our projects I inserted my disk. The computer blew up....literally had smoke come out of it. It ate my disk leaving my 175 point final project inside a computer that couldn't be used. No credit. No partial credit. All my work in the class had been worthless as she refused to award me any points. I took my D and walked away stronger as I knew that I would not be a person that bases all my decisions on what can be seen that day.
Linda Roach was my pastor's wife. She was a strong woman that held a strong belief in prayer and in signs. Every time she asked for an answer God sent her a clear one. She had an amazing walk with God that I aspire to have.
Autumn was one of the foster children that Linda and her husband Mike took in. She was a 16 year old pregnant with twins and was a twin herself. She was the first person to tell me that it's ok to make mistakes as long as you walk away a better person. She intended on giving them up for adoption. She wasn't around long enough for me to discover if she did, but wherever she is, I know that she is making something of herself.
Billy Blanks invented Taebo. He is on my list simply because I love Taebo and it's the only workout that I have ever gotten immediate and lasting results with. I just got his insane abs and I intend on being in a goal outfit by Austin's first birthday with his help.
My ex-husband has taught me how much I will tolerate, how strong I can be, to make better choices, to stand on my own two feet, to be a better parent, how long I can go without food (while pregnant), how to hide bruises and tears, and most importantly when to walk away. I have 4 amazing children as a result of tolerating too much. That I will never regret. He failed to take away my ideals about love and family. He only temporarily robbed me of my self-esteem. I stand here today stronger, smarter, healthier, and better off because I was able to be pushed to my limits and escape.
Stephen King is my favorite writer. I aspire to have half the fan base he does.
Things Remembered, ah yes a store. You taught me how people will buy anything at any price if you spin them the right story. You taught me that a high mark-up and low wages will make a great profit. You also showed me pregnancy discrimination like I will never forget. Thanks for that.
LaCasa has taught me how to have a ghetto apartment and live. I have put up with trash in the halls, drunk men peeing in the elevator and now finally a rape on the backstair case. In other words, you have taught me when I need to move.
College has taught me that I hate college. I don't know how to study, but because I am talented at writing papers, not only can I pass a class, but I can walk away remembering none of it.
Chris Hempel, I don't think you read my blogs. If by some chance you read this I want let everyone know that you have a big role in the reason I am still alive. For those of you that don't know, Chris was my best friend. He encouraged me to walk away from my marriage. Once I did he was right there bringing me brownies and calling to check on me 5 or 6 times a day to know I was safe. After all of this I hurt him badly by being with someone else and yet he has forgiven me. I wish he was still my best friend, and I wish him the best of luck with his marriage. I hope that one day we can talk like we used to. If not, I will always have that memory.
Alisha Howton, you are my best friend. Because of you and Matt my girls are able to go to pre-school. I always have someone to talk to, no matter what time it is. I never have to question whether we are really friends because I know we are. Pretty soon we will be having lunch play-dates and walking our babies through the mall and I can think of no one I would rather do that with than you.
Jen Fry, you were my first best friend. We have all kinds of weird jokes about fertile eggs and golf clubs and everyone may stare at us like morons when we discuss this, but we both know we are simply hilarious! If they don't they can get over it.
Lindsay House, you were the best friend that got me between the best friends. While we also have a million inside jokes about how "he look like a man" or the cheese factory, I know that if ten years pass by again without us talking, when we do, it will be just like you never moved away. Just for the record, it was bigger than my thumb.
Calvin, you are my brother. Some people say that family is what you are born with. I say family are the people that find you when you need them the most. They show up, eat your food, watch your kids, and never ask for more than that. Only we can make a Wal-Mart trip into an adventure and only you and Cory would teach my twins to scream "penis" over the aisles. I love you little bro.
Yes, y'all this list will be continued as my brain is beginning to hurt.
I guess I will start my list with the obvious. The following people were teachers from various points in my career. Perhaps you also had these teachers. Perhaps these teachers also shaped your life. Feel free to comment or message me if it is so. I want tons of comments on this blog!
Mrs. Noaker was my 6th grade teacher. She was the first person to ever tell me my real problem with school: I was bored. At parent teacher conferences she explained to my mom that the reason I made stupid mistakes (keep in mind at this point I was a straight A student) was that I was not being challenged enough. I tend to tone out when I am bored or just hurry through my work because it is too easy for me. Even now, I am still this way. I make stupid errors, even misspelling my child's name just to get the easy part out of the way. She decided to place me in journalism the following year. That was where I met my next teacher.
Mr. Free was my 7th and 8th grade journalism teacher. He was also the teacher I chose to come back and do my cadet teaching with. I think he had to be my favorite teacher basically because I was never bored. It wasn't a normal class. It had different, more adult expectations and he treated us as responsible teens without us having to earn it. Plus I still use his "no whining" slogan with my own children. I think the biggest impact he had on my life was telling me that I would make a great teacher. I may have never became a "teacher", but I am a mom of 5 kids that I shape, mold and teach daily. I hope I am fulfilling the expectations he had of me.
Mrs. Greene was my 11th grade Honors English teacher. She taught me how to love. See she didn't play favorites. Every student was her favorite. Every class was loved equally. At the end of every week we got a love letter from her. It was always unique just for that class. The more I think about it, the more I want to write each of my children a weekly love letter. Perhaps I will even set up an email account just for each one to send them pictures and emails about the weeks events in honor of one of my favorite teachers. I think the thing I loved most about her is something I will never do. she invited us all to her house and let us eat anywhere we wanted. She had white carpet. If only I were so brave.
Ms. Shoener was my data analysis and probability teacher. I want to clarify that she is on the list because not every experience in life is a good one. She gave me my first D. Had I earned that D I would have accepted it and moved on. However, we had a final project I had been working on for 3 weeks. We were all given a disk by her, to do our project on the school computers. The day before it was due, she had seen my project, looked it over, complimented it, and told me I could print it the next day as we were out of time. So the next morning while all of us were getting ready to print our projects I inserted my disk. The computer blew up....literally had smoke come out of it. It ate my disk leaving my 175 point final project inside a computer that couldn't be used. No credit. No partial credit. All my work in the class had been worthless as she refused to award me any points. I took my D and walked away stronger as I knew that I would not be a person that bases all my decisions on what can be seen that day.
Linda Roach was my pastor's wife. She was a strong woman that held a strong belief in prayer and in signs. Every time she asked for an answer God sent her a clear one. She had an amazing walk with God that I aspire to have.
Autumn was one of the foster children that Linda and her husband Mike took in. She was a 16 year old pregnant with twins and was a twin herself. She was the first person to tell me that it's ok to make mistakes as long as you walk away a better person. She intended on giving them up for adoption. She wasn't around long enough for me to discover if she did, but wherever she is, I know that she is making something of herself.
Billy Blanks invented Taebo. He is on my list simply because I love Taebo and it's the only workout that I have ever gotten immediate and lasting results with. I just got his insane abs and I intend on being in a goal outfit by Austin's first birthday with his help.
My ex-husband has taught me how much I will tolerate, how strong I can be, to make better choices, to stand on my own two feet, to be a better parent, how long I can go without food (while pregnant), how to hide bruises and tears, and most importantly when to walk away. I have 4 amazing children as a result of tolerating too much. That I will never regret. He failed to take away my ideals about love and family. He only temporarily robbed me of my self-esteem. I stand here today stronger, smarter, healthier, and better off because I was able to be pushed to my limits and escape.
Stephen King is my favorite writer. I aspire to have half the fan base he does.
Things Remembered, ah yes a store. You taught me how people will buy anything at any price if you spin them the right story. You taught me that a high mark-up and low wages will make a great profit. You also showed me pregnancy discrimination like I will never forget. Thanks for that.
LaCasa has taught me how to have a ghetto apartment and live. I have put up with trash in the halls, drunk men peeing in the elevator and now finally a rape on the backstair case. In other words, you have taught me when I need to move.
College has taught me that I hate college. I don't know how to study, but because I am talented at writing papers, not only can I pass a class, but I can walk away remembering none of it.
Chris Hempel, I don't think you read my blogs. If by some chance you read this I want let everyone know that you have a big role in the reason I am still alive. For those of you that don't know, Chris was my best friend. He encouraged me to walk away from my marriage. Once I did he was right there bringing me brownies and calling to check on me 5 or 6 times a day to know I was safe. After all of this I hurt him badly by being with someone else and yet he has forgiven me. I wish he was still my best friend, and I wish him the best of luck with his marriage. I hope that one day we can talk like we used to. If not, I will always have that memory.
Alisha Howton, you are my best friend. Because of you and Matt my girls are able to go to pre-school. I always have someone to talk to, no matter what time it is. I never have to question whether we are really friends because I know we are. Pretty soon we will be having lunch play-dates and walking our babies through the mall and I can think of no one I would rather do that with than you.
Jen Fry, you were my first best friend. We have all kinds of weird jokes about fertile eggs and golf clubs and everyone may stare at us like morons when we discuss this, but we both know we are simply hilarious! If they don't they can get over it.
Lindsay House, you were the best friend that got me between the best friends. While we also have a million inside jokes about how "he look like a man" or the cheese factory, I know that if ten years pass by again without us talking, when we do, it will be just like you never moved away. Just for the record, it was bigger than my thumb.
Calvin, you are my brother. Some people say that family is what you are born with. I say family are the people that find you when you need them the most. They show up, eat your food, watch your kids, and never ask for more than that. Only we can make a Wal-Mart trip into an adventure and only you and Cory would teach my twins to scream "penis" over the aisles. I love you little bro.
Yes, y'all this list will be continued as my brain is beginning to hurt.
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