For those of you that are avid readers, you are very aware that I use my blog as a tool to complain . This blog is a more accurate depiction of who I am. This is rare, so please stand up and take notice. Today I am writing on what I am thankful for with a twist.
I am thankful for the usual things, food, family, laughter, friends, and a place over head. However, I am also thankful for the things that have gone wrong in the last 2 years. I am thankful that I got left at 8.5 months pregnant. It has made me stronger and a better mom. It has pushed me to new levels of emotional strength and courage I didn't know existed within me. It has brought me great joy and hope. Once he left, I was free to connect with a ton of guys I am now proud to say are a great and understanding support system and I adore having the ability to have friends of the opposite sex without jealousy or trust issues. These men have also given me the ability to trust men again after a series of finding losers and boys. Thanks guys.
The shooting outside my building in front of my kids has showed me that life is precious. It gave me the opportunity to evaluate how we are living and where we are living. Are my kids going to pack heat at 12? I would like to think not and this awarded me the opportunity to have a series of serious discussions with my kids about bringing unnecessary drama into their lives. We also had the talk about drugs and prayer and the importance of faith directly because of this incident. Two of my children accepted Jesus and began regularly reading the Bible with me directly because of this.
I had all the money stolen off my debit card last year while giving birth to Austin. I never got any of it back. I know who did it, and I figure and am seeing this person reap what they sewed. I continued on doing what I had to do and made do with less. This included not having a contribution from my son's father. I learned to make my own laundry soap, dish cleaners, shampoo and toothpaste. We use coupons. I save a ton of money now thanks to the inconsideration of another. Now when we do have more money coming in, I will be able to save more and provide better. We will depend less on others while having more to contribute to society. One day we are going to adopt a family and give back the gifts given to us when we went without.
I have had several people that I lost as friends due to a poor choice of a relationship come back and share with me the power of forgiveness and friendship. Not every broken friendship needs super glue to repair, sometimes a simple "I'm sorry." is enough.
Mostly these last two years have made me appreciate that I control only myself. A lot of bad happens around us. A lot of bad shouldn't have to effect us. Only I can control my reactions to the situations around me. I can't control the actions of others and as a result I have learned when to let go, when to forgive, and who doesn't deserve my time. I have made friends that make my life interesting or better. I have gotten rid of those that create drama, that harbor anger, and that add weight to my load. I have learned that family are not the people you are born into, but rather the people that choose to remain in your life. Love is a choice and a verb. Love is meant to be shared. This Thanksgiving, I am thankful most for you. You take the time to read my blogs and live within my life. I love you all.
Saturday, November 19, 2011
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
You are Excused from My Life, Sex, Money, Jobs and Much More
I have been watching this show on the CW called "Excused". For those of you that haven't seen it, two people of the same gender sit inside a house while people of the opposite gender come to the door and try to be let in. People are either accepted or dismissed based solely on a first impression. At first I hated it. It was so obvious that only the "typical attractive" people were going to be allowed inside. Ultimately, at the end the better looking of the 2 inside would be chosen by whoever was not excused.
This show really got me thinking though. How many people have we or do we dismiss from our lives based solely on a first impression? How many times have we despite our better judgement let someone in and found out that that person was truly amazing? Or how many people have we missed out on getting to know? How many people have missed out on knowing us? And finally what first impression are we truly giving off?
Let's start with my first question. I meet new people daily. I make an instant judgement about everyone without even realizing it. There is a personal checklist in my mind as I am certain there is in yours as well. Here are my basic credential list:
Do they smell? (Yes hunny, if you smell I will run as far the other way as possible. I am not ashamed of public gagging over extreme body odors either. Shower and use soap. Wash your clothes. I do, and I have a lot more going on than you.)
Are they attractive? (This works in multiple ways. If a girl I meet is attractive, it is then placed in to categories. All of us do this, so let me just admit it. If she is hotter then me, the next question becomes whether or not she is also single, ie competition. I hate being a second choice, just as any girl does. If she is less pretty, then is she single becomes important because it gives you confidence when you do go out with her. Girls like being the one getting hit on. We hate being the ugly friend. When we meet a man we also do this, except we put him in one of 3 categories: boyfriend material, date material, or friend. This is instant. Yes, we know what you are going to be to us almost always immediately and it's rare for you to change out of one of these groups. If you are put in the friend zone, either you're ugly, or you look poor. On a personal note money doesn't matter to me and I will date a poor guy with potential. Most girls will not.)
Do they have money? (This determines the whole course of your relationship. I am poor, dirt poor. I feel bad going out with people with money. This works in reverse too I am sure.)
Where are they from? (This last one has proven me wrong many times. I have friends of all races, but ghetto is not a race thing. You are either educated or not. It comes across in how you present yourself.)
Once I have a baseline grip on you I either disregard the conversation and move on to another more interesting person, facebook you, or exchange numbers which means we may actually hang out again in real life.
Where I live, first impressions of children are the most accurate indicators of the parents. Kids that have poor grammar, smell bad, are dressed poorly, and cuss a lot are always products of ignorant, uncaring and rude parents. Clean, happy kids, with clean clothes usually have parents I like and will continue to have play-dates with.
On to the big question, what first impression am I giving off. I really could careless what I have on. I shower and brush my hair, that should be good enough. My kids are clean, well-fed, and go everywhere with me. Some view that as responsible, some view it as I have too many kids all alone so there is something wrong with me. I have learned that the people that are bothered by my children are not people I would want to associate with anyways.
I think often once people get to know others they will discover certain aspects beyond appearances. For example, skinny and beautiful girls are often the most insecure. Bigger girls tend to accept themselves and have more confidence. The opposite is true in guys. Athletic, attractive men know it and brag about it. They often make the girl feel like if they don't date them, then the girl is missing out. I dated 2 men like that. One was actually hot, the other just thought he was to the point that he makes others believe it.
If it were only for first impressions, I would not be holding Austin as I type this. I had no attraction to his daddy whatsoever, but I made the mistake of giving him a chance, falling in love with his words, and watching him try to do it again to his current married girlfriend. It's sad because I know I will never fall out of love with his promises the way I have fallen out of love with the true him.
Currently, I wonder who am I missing out on, and who is missing out on me.
This show really got me thinking though. How many people have we or do we dismiss from our lives based solely on a first impression? How many times have we despite our better judgement let someone in and found out that that person was truly amazing? Or how many people have we missed out on getting to know? How many people have missed out on knowing us? And finally what first impression are we truly giving off?
Let's start with my first question. I meet new people daily. I make an instant judgement about everyone without even realizing it. There is a personal checklist in my mind as I am certain there is in yours as well. Here are my basic credential list:
Do they smell? (Yes hunny, if you smell I will run as far the other way as possible. I am not ashamed of public gagging over extreme body odors either. Shower and use soap. Wash your clothes. I do, and I have a lot more going on than you.)
Are they attractive? (This works in multiple ways. If a girl I meet is attractive, it is then placed in to categories. All of us do this, so let me just admit it. If she is hotter then me, the next question becomes whether or not she is also single, ie competition. I hate being a second choice, just as any girl does. If she is less pretty, then is she single becomes important because it gives you confidence when you do go out with her. Girls like being the one getting hit on. We hate being the ugly friend. When we meet a man we also do this, except we put him in one of 3 categories: boyfriend material, date material, or friend. This is instant. Yes, we know what you are going to be to us almost always immediately and it's rare for you to change out of one of these groups. If you are put in the friend zone, either you're ugly, or you look poor. On a personal note money doesn't matter to me and I will date a poor guy with potential. Most girls will not.)
Do they have money? (This determines the whole course of your relationship. I am poor, dirt poor. I feel bad going out with people with money. This works in reverse too I am sure.)
Where are they from? (This last one has proven me wrong many times. I have friends of all races, but ghetto is not a race thing. You are either educated or not. It comes across in how you present yourself.)
Once I have a baseline grip on you I either disregard the conversation and move on to another more interesting person, facebook you, or exchange numbers which means we may actually hang out again in real life.
Where I live, first impressions of children are the most accurate indicators of the parents. Kids that have poor grammar, smell bad, are dressed poorly, and cuss a lot are always products of ignorant, uncaring and rude parents. Clean, happy kids, with clean clothes usually have parents I like and will continue to have play-dates with.
On to the big question, what first impression am I giving off. I really could careless what I have on. I shower and brush my hair, that should be good enough. My kids are clean, well-fed, and go everywhere with me. Some view that as responsible, some view it as I have too many kids all alone so there is something wrong with me. I have learned that the people that are bothered by my children are not people I would want to associate with anyways.
I think often once people get to know others they will discover certain aspects beyond appearances. For example, skinny and beautiful girls are often the most insecure. Bigger girls tend to accept themselves and have more confidence. The opposite is true in guys. Athletic, attractive men know it and brag about it. They often make the girl feel like if they don't date them, then the girl is missing out. I dated 2 men like that. One was actually hot, the other just thought he was to the point that he makes others believe it.
If it were only for first impressions, I would not be holding Austin as I type this. I had no attraction to his daddy whatsoever, but I made the mistake of giving him a chance, falling in love with his words, and watching him try to do it again to his current married girlfriend. It's sad because I know I will never fall out of love with his promises the way I have fallen out of love with the true him.
Currently, I wonder who am I missing out on, and who is missing out on me.
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