Everyone is so fake. Yes, those of you in a relationship I called you out. Your man does not make the sunshine. Nor, is he truly the best thing to ever happen to you. Let's just call the kettle black. You often find his skid-marked underwear left in the middle of the bedroom floor, the wet towel from tis morning dropped beside the toilet that he frequently misses and when you are taking he shower is the time he normally decides to take a healthy dump. Yes, you happy relationship people, QUIT LYING!!!!!
This leads me to my good friend, Happy Bunny. He doesn't lie. I know, I am wearing his shirt. I am actually quite proud to have bought it for myself. It's a glittery screen printed picture of him in a Santa hat saying, "I've been naughty. So what?" LOL right? I am also a huge fan of other things that he likes to say:
Love. It's just like hate, but somebody gets candy.
They're books. Unless you don't read, then their coasters.
It's all about me. Deal with it!
School prepares you for the real world which also sucks.
You smell like butt.
You're ugly and that's funny.
hi. loser.
I did it, but I'm blaming you.
it's ok if you want to drop dead
I love dumb people. It's fun to watch them trip.
Hating you makes me all warm inside.
I have a dream and in it something eats you.
I just realized, I don't care.
Your anger makes me happy.
Boys lie and kind of stink.
I hear the other ucky people calling you.
Now, these are all things I have thought at one time or another. I will admit it. You probably won't and I will be the first to tell you that that is called denial. So, I am going to break down his thoughts for you.
All relationships are based on the same principle: we love hating each other. A marriage occurs when two people agree to put up with each other until they divorce. Sad? Nah. Reality? Ya, probably. What would happen if we all just said what we really thought from day one. I will give you all the following account of what I not only am looking for, but what I know I won't find. Therefore I know that I will be comprising my own selfish desires should I find anyone that is almost as awesome as me. Yes, I am mean, deal with it.
If you are lucky enough to be allowed to touch me, I want candy. Yes, I read so don't assume you can give me an insult as a compliment and expect me to fall for a jerk. I want to be the center of the universe. Make me feel like I am, and I will pretend like you are the center of mine, but we will both know it's all about me. I am educated, both in the schools and in the streets. You won't be able to use me, or outsmart me. Think you are playing me, guess again cause I bet you are already being played. You smell. Shower daily. I do. You should too. If you are a loser i.e. you live with your mom, don't have your own car, haven't worked in a long time, can't pay to take me out, and/or have a bad relationship with your baby mama on account of you being a deadbeat, don't look at me. I don't hang out with losers, let alone date them. The second you do something to make me dislike you, everything you do will begin to annoy me more. If we break up, we can be friends. Friends don't fool around. Friends don't continue to tell each other how in love they are with me. If your friends are stupid, you probably are too. My friends are some of the most awesome people on the planet, especially my guy friends. Don't like my friends, get lost cause they're not going anywhere. Jealous of my guy friends, get over it or get gone, cause I am not leaving them for a man. I am not always going to look like this. Sometimes I will look super hot. Other times, not so much. If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. Sometimes I am going to leave my dirty laundry around the house just to see if you will whine and/or pick it up for me. I will cook for you. If I burn it, you better eat it with a smile or buy us both a pizza. You bring me Chinese, I will fall in love with you. You show up empty handed, you better be really cute!!!
Ya, so if you are still reading this, you now know why I am still single. You may have also figured out I am tired of settling. If a Happy Bunny philosophy applies to you, then we probably won't date. If you think this was funny, please share me with your friends.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
My Thanks
For those of you that are avid readers, you are very aware that I use my blog as a tool to complain . This blog is a more accurate depiction of who I am. This is rare, so please stand up and take notice. Today I am writing on what I am thankful for with a twist.
I am thankful for the usual things, food, family, laughter, friends, and a place over head. However, I am also thankful for the things that have gone wrong in the last 2 years. I am thankful that I got left at 8.5 months pregnant. It has made me stronger and a better mom. It has pushed me to new levels of emotional strength and courage I didn't know existed within me. It has brought me great joy and hope. Once he left, I was free to connect with a ton of guys I am now proud to say are a great and understanding support system and I adore having the ability to have friends of the opposite sex without jealousy or trust issues. These men have also given me the ability to trust men again after a series of finding losers and boys. Thanks guys.
The shooting outside my building in front of my kids has showed me that life is precious. It gave me the opportunity to evaluate how we are living and where we are living. Are my kids going to pack heat at 12? I would like to think not and this awarded me the opportunity to have a series of serious discussions with my kids about bringing unnecessary drama into their lives. We also had the talk about drugs and prayer and the importance of faith directly because of this incident. Two of my children accepted Jesus and began regularly reading the Bible with me directly because of this.
I had all the money stolen off my debit card last year while giving birth to Austin. I never got any of it back. I know who did it, and I figure and am seeing this person reap what they sewed. I continued on doing what I had to do and made do with less. This included not having a contribution from my son's father. I learned to make my own laundry soap, dish cleaners, shampoo and toothpaste. We use coupons. I save a ton of money now thanks to the inconsideration of another. Now when we do have more money coming in, I will be able to save more and provide better. We will depend less on others while having more to contribute to society. One day we are going to adopt a family and give back the gifts given to us when we went without.
I have had several people that I lost as friends due to a poor choice of a relationship come back and share with me the power of forgiveness and friendship. Not every broken friendship needs super glue to repair, sometimes a simple "I'm sorry." is enough.
Mostly these last two years have made me appreciate that I control only myself. A lot of bad happens around us. A lot of bad shouldn't have to effect us. Only I can control my reactions to the situations around me. I can't control the actions of others and as a result I have learned when to let go, when to forgive, and who doesn't deserve my time. I have made friends that make my life interesting or better. I have gotten rid of those that create drama, that harbor anger, and that add weight to my load. I have learned that family are not the people you are born into, but rather the people that choose to remain in your life. Love is a choice and a verb. Love is meant to be shared. This Thanksgiving, I am thankful most for you. You take the time to read my blogs and live within my life. I love you all.
I am thankful for the usual things, food, family, laughter, friends, and a place over head. However, I am also thankful for the things that have gone wrong in the last 2 years. I am thankful that I got left at 8.5 months pregnant. It has made me stronger and a better mom. It has pushed me to new levels of emotional strength and courage I didn't know existed within me. It has brought me great joy and hope. Once he left, I was free to connect with a ton of guys I am now proud to say are a great and understanding support system and I adore having the ability to have friends of the opposite sex without jealousy or trust issues. These men have also given me the ability to trust men again after a series of finding losers and boys. Thanks guys.
The shooting outside my building in front of my kids has showed me that life is precious. It gave me the opportunity to evaluate how we are living and where we are living. Are my kids going to pack heat at 12? I would like to think not and this awarded me the opportunity to have a series of serious discussions with my kids about bringing unnecessary drama into their lives. We also had the talk about drugs and prayer and the importance of faith directly because of this incident. Two of my children accepted Jesus and began regularly reading the Bible with me directly because of this.
I had all the money stolen off my debit card last year while giving birth to Austin. I never got any of it back. I know who did it, and I figure and am seeing this person reap what they sewed. I continued on doing what I had to do and made do with less. This included not having a contribution from my son's father. I learned to make my own laundry soap, dish cleaners, shampoo and toothpaste. We use coupons. I save a ton of money now thanks to the inconsideration of another. Now when we do have more money coming in, I will be able to save more and provide better. We will depend less on others while having more to contribute to society. One day we are going to adopt a family and give back the gifts given to us when we went without.
I have had several people that I lost as friends due to a poor choice of a relationship come back and share with me the power of forgiveness and friendship. Not every broken friendship needs super glue to repair, sometimes a simple "I'm sorry." is enough.
Mostly these last two years have made me appreciate that I control only myself. A lot of bad happens around us. A lot of bad shouldn't have to effect us. Only I can control my reactions to the situations around me. I can't control the actions of others and as a result I have learned when to let go, when to forgive, and who doesn't deserve my time. I have made friends that make my life interesting or better. I have gotten rid of those that create drama, that harbor anger, and that add weight to my load. I have learned that family are not the people you are born into, but rather the people that choose to remain in your life. Love is a choice and a verb. Love is meant to be shared. This Thanksgiving, I am thankful most for you. You take the time to read my blogs and live within my life. I love you all.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
You are Excused from My Life, Sex, Money, Jobs and Much More
I have been watching this show on the CW called "Excused". For those of you that haven't seen it, two people of the same gender sit inside a house while people of the opposite gender come to the door and try to be let in. People are either accepted or dismissed based solely on a first impression. At first I hated it. It was so obvious that only the "typical attractive" people were going to be allowed inside. Ultimately, at the end the better looking of the 2 inside would be chosen by whoever was not excused.
This show really got me thinking though. How many people have we or do we dismiss from our lives based solely on a first impression? How many times have we despite our better judgement let someone in and found out that that person was truly amazing? Or how many people have we missed out on getting to know? How many people have missed out on knowing us? And finally what first impression are we truly giving off?
Let's start with my first question. I meet new people daily. I make an instant judgement about everyone without even realizing it. There is a personal checklist in my mind as I am certain there is in yours as well. Here are my basic credential list:
Do they smell? (Yes hunny, if you smell I will run as far the other way as possible. I am not ashamed of public gagging over extreme body odors either. Shower and use soap. Wash your clothes. I do, and I have a lot more going on than you.)
Are they attractive? (This works in multiple ways. If a girl I meet is attractive, it is then placed in to categories. All of us do this, so let me just admit it. If she is hotter then me, the next question becomes whether or not she is also single, ie competition. I hate being a second choice, just as any girl does. If she is less pretty, then is she single becomes important because it gives you confidence when you do go out with her. Girls like being the one getting hit on. We hate being the ugly friend. When we meet a man we also do this, except we put him in one of 3 categories: boyfriend material, date material, or friend. This is instant. Yes, we know what you are going to be to us almost always immediately and it's rare for you to change out of one of these groups. If you are put in the friend zone, either you're ugly, or you look poor. On a personal note money doesn't matter to me and I will date a poor guy with potential. Most girls will not.)
Do they have money? (This determines the whole course of your relationship. I am poor, dirt poor. I feel bad going out with people with money. This works in reverse too I am sure.)
Where are they from? (This last one has proven me wrong many times. I have friends of all races, but ghetto is not a race thing. You are either educated or not. It comes across in how you present yourself.)
Once I have a baseline grip on you I either disregard the conversation and move on to another more interesting person, facebook you, or exchange numbers which means we may actually hang out again in real life.
Where I live, first impressions of children are the most accurate indicators of the parents. Kids that have poor grammar, smell bad, are dressed poorly, and cuss a lot are always products of ignorant, uncaring and rude parents. Clean, happy kids, with clean clothes usually have parents I like and will continue to have play-dates with.
On to the big question, what first impression am I giving off. I really could careless what I have on. I shower and brush my hair, that should be good enough. My kids are clean, well-fed, and go everywhere with me. Some view that as responsible, some view it as I have too many kids all alone so there is something wrong with me. I have learned that the people that are bothered by my children are not people I would want to associate with anyways.
I think often once people get to know others they will discover certain aspects beyond appearances. For example, skinny and beautiful girls are often the most insecure. Bigger girls tend to accept themselves and have more confidence. The opposite is true in guys. Athletic, attractive men know it and brag about it. They often make the girl feel like if they don't date them, then the girl is missing out. I dated 2 men like that. One was actually hot, the other just thought he was to the point that he makes others believe it.
If it were only for first impressions, I would not be holding Austin as I type this. I had no attraction to his daddy whatsoever, but I made the mistake of giving him a chance, falling in love with his words, and watching him try to do it again to his current married girlfriend. It's sad because I know I will never fall out of love with his promises the way I have fallen out of love with the true him.
Currently, I wonder who am I missing out on, and who is missing out on me.
This show really got me thinking though. How many people have we or do we dismiss from our lives based solely on a first impression? How many times have we despite our better judgement let someone in and found out that that person was truly amazing? Or how many people have we missed out on getting to know? How many people have missed out on knowing us? And finally what first impression are we truly giving off?
Let's start with my first question. I meet new people daily. I make an instant judgement about everyone without even realizing it. There is a personal checklist in my mind as I am certain there is in yours as well. Here are my basic credential list:
Do they smell? (Yes hunny, if you smell I will run as far the other way as possible. I am not ashamed of public gagging over extreme body odors either. Shower and use soap. Wash your clothes. I do, and I have a lot more going on than you.)
Are they attractive? (This works in multiple ways. If a girl I meet is attractive, it is then placed in to categories. All of us do this, so let me just admit it. If she is hotter then me, the next question becomes whether or not she is also single, ie competition. I hate being a second choice, just as any girl does. If she is less pretty, then is she single becomes important because it gives you confidence when you do go out with her. Girls like being the one getting hit on. We hate being the ugly friend. When we meet a man we also do this, except we put him in one of 3 categories: boyfriend material, date material, or friend. This is instant. Yes, we know what you are going to be to us almost always immediately and it's rare for you to change out of one of these groups. If you are put in the friend zone, either you're ugly, or you look poor. On a personal note money doesn't matter to me and I will date a poor guy with potential. Most girls will not.)
Do they have money? (This determines the whole course of your relationship. I am poor, dirt poor. I feel bad going out with people with money. This works in reverse too I am sure.)
Where are they from? (This last one has proven me wrong many times. I have friends of all races, but ghetto is not a race thing. You are either educated or not. It comes across in how you present yourself.)
Once I have a baseline grip on you I either disregard the conversation and move on to another more interesting person, facebook you, or exchange numbers which means we may actually hang out again in real life.
Where I live, first impressions of children are the most accurate indicators of the parents. Kids that have poor grammar, smell bad, are dressed poorly, and cuss a lot are always products of ignorant, uncaring and rude parents. Clean, happy kids, with clean clothes usually have parents I like and will continue to have play-dates with.
On to the big question, what first impression am I giving off. I really could careless what I have on. I shower and brush my hair, that should be good enough. My kids are clean, well-fed, and go everywhere with me. Some view that as responsible, some view it as I have too many kids all alone so there is something wrong with me. I have learned that the people that are bothered by my children are not people I would want to associate with anyways.
I think often once people get to know others they will discover certain aspects beyond appearances. For example, skinny and beautiful girls are often the most insecure. Bigger girls tend to accept themselves and have more confidence. The opposite is true in guys. Athletic, attractive men know it and brag about it. They often make the girl feel like if they don't date them, then the girl is missing out. I dated 2 men like that. One was actually hot, the other just thought he was to the point that he makes others believe it.
If it were only for first impressions, I would not be holding Austin as I type this. I had no attraction to his daddy whatsoever, but I made the mistake of giving him a chance, falling in love with his words, and watching him try to do it again to his current married girlfriend. It's sad because I know I will never fall out of love with his promises the way I have fallen out of love with the true him.
Currently, I wonder who am I missing out on, and who is missing out on me.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Hot From Far Away
I met someone last night. She was awesome and we instantly were talking like we had been friends for 15 years. Her kids were cute and got along with my kids well so we are probably going to be spending a ton of time together. See I started out in September with this crazy goal: I am going to hold a 5 minute conversation with someone new every day. Thus far, one day purely by stranger text, I have done just that. Some were weird and I most likely won't talk to them again, but some are like this girl and I will be seeing her almost daily.
Into the good part now I promise: We began talking about guys that are HFFA. They look good at a distance, but when you walk up on them, they make you want to turn and walk the other way. Sometimes it isn't even about the looks.
Many "men" look good on paper. (Ladies we all have a checklist, let's just admit it.) Job, car, his own place, money in his pocket, good credit, nice looking, educated, funny, smart, responsible, mature and caring all have their place on my list. I once a had guy that looked great on paper. He did and said all the right things, but when it came down to it, he was extremely immature, irresponsible, and just plain uncaring. He still puts on his mask as prince charming every day and some girl is liable to believe it. I pity that girl.
The truth is we all have our ugly moments. (Mine normally come first thing in the morning, messy hair, bad, attitude, morning breath.) However, after a brush, toothpaste, and some caffeine, I am no longer hot from a distance, but I am ok close up too.
I caught myself being sad this week. A certain person told me that I would be married and happy had I not had my children. I love my kids. I love the good and the bad. I love waking up to a crying child crawling into my bed after a nightmare. I live for giving high fives when my children get a perfect score on a test. I like feeding the geese, eating happy meals, and singing silly songs because my radio isn't working. I live my life for my children.
Some people want to be firemen, police officers, ballerinas, doctors or lawyers when they grow up. While I wanted to be a journalist, lawyer, and a mortician at various points in my life, I always had two other goals: wife and mom. Those feelings never changed. I always wanted a big noisy house with lots of love and laughter. I think it may be that way since I was an only child. I also wanted to fall asleep with a man that loved me and my huge family at the end of the night. I have parts and pieces of what I want, but I never ever pictured them in the way in which they have came.
My life without having children with the wrong men, would have been so much different. I would have been more financially stable. I would probably have a thriving career. I would drive a nicer car, live in a better neighborhood, and go camping on weekends. However, I don't know that for a fact. Let's just say that I would have had those things, there is nothing to say that my SUV wouldn't get hit by a semi tomorrow and kill my whole family. No matter how upset I am with the way things didn't turn out, there is no way that I would exchange it for what could be worse.
One day I will find the guy that is as good in person as he is on paper. I won't walk up on him without his mask on and want to keep walking. He will love us and be a part of our family, not complete it. We are a complete family with or without a man in it. Basically, I am writing all this because it is what I am thinking as I meet strangers. They all seem nice. They all seem unhappy though. They all have problems and so far they have all opened up to me because my life (on paper) seems worse than their own. Not one of them has made me want to turn away when they are not "hot enough".
Lesson for the day, especially when it comes to facebook, we all act happy on the outside. We all look good from a distance. However, the ones that seem really happy at a distance, are usually the most ugly close up. Just saying.
Into the good part now I promise: We began talking about guys that are HFFA. They look good at a distance, but when you walk up on them, they make you want to turn and walk the other way. Sometimes it isn't even about the looks.
Many "men" look good on paper. (Ladies we all have a checklist, let's just admit it.) Job, car, his own place, money in his pocket, good credit, nice looking, educated, funny, smart, responsible, mature and caring all have their place on my list. I once a had guy that looked great on paper. He did and said all the right things, but when it came down to it, he was extremely immature, irresponsible, and just plain uncaring. He still puts on his mask as prince charming every day and some girl is liable to believe it. I pity that girl.
The truth is we all have our ugly moments. (Mine normally come first thing in the morning, messy hair, bad, attitude, morning breath.) However, after a brush, toothpaste, and some caffeine, I am no longer hot from a distance, but I am ok close up too.
I caught myself being sad this week. A certain person told me that I would be married and happy had I not had my children. I love my kids. I love the good and the bad. I love waking up to a crying child crawling into my bed after a nightmare. I live for giving high fives when my children get a perfect score on a test. I like feeding the geese, eating happy meals, and singing silly songs because my radio isn't working. I live my life for my children.
Some people want to be firemen, police officers, ballerinas, doctors or lawyers when they grow up. While I wanted to be a journalist, lawyer, and a mortician at various points in my life, I always had two other goals: wife and mom. Those feelings never changed. I always wanted a big noisy house with lots of love and laughter. I think it may be that way since I was an only child. I also wanted to fall asleep with a man that loved me and my huge family at the end of the night. I have parts and pieces of what I want, but I never ever pictured them in the way in which they have came.
My life without having children with the wrong men, would have been so much different. I would have been more financially stable. I would probably have a thriving career. I would drive a nicer car, live in a better neighborhood, and go camping on weekends. However, I don't know that for a fact. Let's just say that I would have had those things, there is nothing to say that my SUV wouldn't get hit by a semi tomorrow and kill my whole family. No matter how upset I am with the way things didn't turn out, there is no way that I would exchange it for what could be worse.
One day I will find the guy that is as good in person as he is on paper. I won't walk up on him without his mask on and want to keep walking. He will love us and be a part of our family, not complete it. We are a complete family with or without a man in it. Basically, I am writing all this because it is what I am thinking as I meet strangers. They all seem nice. They all seem unhappy though. They all have problems and so far they have all opened up to me because my life (on paper) seems worse than their own. Not one of them has made me want to turn away when they are not "hot enough".
Lesson for the day, especially when it comes to facebook, we all act happy on the outside. We all look good from a distance. However, the ones that seem really happy at a distance, are usually the most ugly close up. Just saying.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
How Old People Do It
This is probably not what some certain guys friends of mine thought it was. This is, however, me throwing my hat in the ring for the 2020 presidential race. Ok, so maybe not unless I get a tummy tuck, personal trainer, and a super sexy husband, but still I think I could save us billions in 5 easy steps.
Step 1) Cut back on what my be purchased with foodstamps. Why? It's like this. I worked at a grocery store and on several occasions saw people on foodstamps come in and by nothing but junk food and pop. These were also obese people. These are also typically your basic family on medicaid. Thus when these people are forced to make more nutricious choices due to their lack of ability to buy the junk food, they in turn lose weight. They lose weight, and their health problems decrease. When their health problems decrease they cost less money for medical costs. All of a sudden we have generated a healthy spiral of increased savings.
Step 2) Stop allowing certain illegal immigrants to have children here and then help them with food, medical and housing. Seriously, my great great great great some number of greats grandparents came over on the Mayflower. They went through a selection process to do so. So why can't we handpick the men and women we want in our country now. We want hard-working tax payers that give back to the community. If you are not a citizen and have a baby here, sure they can be a citizen, but no help supporting them unless their consenting over 18 guardian/parent is legal. You want to come here so badly, do the paperwork. I have never been handed anything. You shouldn't be either.
Step 3) Create a 3 and done rule. If you have 3 children on medicaid we will not take away you freedom to continue to procreate. However, any child born after the 3rd child is your expense to bare. No medical, no foodstamps, no tanf. Also within this rule, give a woman ten thousand dollars to stop at one or two. I figure that yes, 10 thousand is a lot of money, but it pales in comparison to the hospital costs of just giving birth to another child alone. Also, stop paying for epidurals. So many less women would get pregnant knowing they have to go all natural.
Step 4) Lower taxes on large corporations if they create at least 200 new jobs a year. So yes we are losing some tax money, but in the giant scheme of things we are gaining 200 tax payers that are not on unemployment benefits and can provide for their families. It just makes sense. Also creating jobs in one place helps to create jobs in other places. A new factory means that there are more people with money to spend, which in turn means more people are need to work at the places where money is being spent. Also more people then buy houses and create neighborhood stability. I am not seeing a downside.
Step 5) Stop giving away childcare vouchers to people that cannot make the cost of their voucher. Example: If I was to work a minimum wage job, I would make $280 a week. If I were to put my children into licensed childcare I would spend $45 a week per each of my 3 older children to have after school care. That's $135 a week. Since Skye has asthma, they want to charge me about $100 for her care. Then Austin's care since he is under a year old at a licensed daycare is around $198. That's $433 a week just in my childcare costs. Then they order my ex-husband to pay half taking my expense to $217. That would leave me with $63 of my paycheck and my ex-husband (who is supposedly making minimum wage pays me exactly $63 a week in support) with have nothing left of his paycheck. So let's be more reasonable. Help these situations with foodstamps and housing, but let's not waste tax payer dollars on finding them childcare and paying most of it. Let's just give these people the half the childcare expense they would be responsible for and let them have the resource to work at home. Whether we start offering online jobs, or make them become licensed as a childcare provider themselves. Or wait until all their kids are in school, make them work part-time and still help with food and housing. Let's do our math.
I have other steps too like legalizing marijuana so it can be taxed and making deadbeat dads pay more child support and starting empowerment classes to teach struggling single moms to do things like make their own laundry detergent and shop at garage sales. Also if we all spent something like $63 more a year on American made products we would create thousands of jobs. Ya, I am pretty sure you won't vote for me, but at least I have a plan. What does Obama have besides nice vacations on our dollar?
Step 1) Cut back on what my be purchased with foodstamps. Why? It's like this. I worked at a grocery store and on several occasions saw people on foodstamps come in and by nothing but junk food and pop. These were also obese people. These are also typically your basic family on medicaid. Thus when these people are forced to make more nutricious choices due to their lack of ability to buy the junk food, they in turn lose weight. They lose weight, and their health problems decrease. When their health problems decrease they cost less money for medical costs. All of a sudden we have generated a healthy spiral of increased savings.
Step 2) Stop allowing certain illegal immigrants to have children here and then help them with food, medical and housing. Seriously, my great great great great some number of greats grandparents came over on the Mayflower. They went through a selection process to do so. So why can't we handpick the men and women we want in our country now. We want hard-working tax payers that give back to the community. If you are not a citizen and have a baby here, sure they can be a citizen, but no help supporting them unless their consenting over 18 guardian/parent is legal. You want to come here so badly, do the paperwork. I have never been handed anything. You shouldn't be either.
Step 3) Create a 3 and done rule. If you have 3 children on medicaid we will not take away you freedom to continue to procreate. However, any child born after the 3rd child is your expense to bare. No medical, no foodstamps, no tanf. Also within this rule, give a woman ten thousand dollars to stop at one or two. I figure that yes, 10 thousand is a lot of money, but it pales in comparison to the hospital costs of just giving birth to another child alone. Also, stop paying for epidurals. So many less women would get pregnant knowing they have to go all natural.
Step 4) Lower taxes on large corporations if they create at least 200 new jobs a year. So yes we are losing some tax money, but in the giant scheme of things we are gaining 200 tax payers that are not on unemployment benefits and can provide for their families. It just makes sense. Also creating jobs in one place helps to create jobs in other places. A new factory means that there are more people with money to spend, which in turn means more people are need to work at the places where money is being spent. Also more people then buy houses and create neighborhood stability. I am not seeing a downside.
Step 5) Stop giving away childcare vouchers to people that cannot make the cost of their voucher. Example: If I was to work a minimum wage job, I would make $280 a week. If I were to put my children into licensed childcare I would spend $45 a week per each of my 3 older children to have after school care. That's $135 a week. Since Skye has asthma, they want to charge me about $100 for her care. Then Austin's care since he is under a year old at a licensed daycare is around $198. That's $433 a week just in my childcare costs. Then they order my ex-husband to pay half taking my expense to $217. That would leave me with $63 of my paycheck and my ex-husband (who is supposedly making minimum wage pays me exactly $63 a week in support) with have nothing left of his paycheck. So let's be more reasonable. Help these situations with foodstamps and housing, but let's not waste tax payer dollars on finding them childcare and paying most of it. Let's just give these people the half the childcare expense they would be responsible for and let them have the resource to work at home. Whether we start offering online jobs, or make them become licensed as a childcare provider themselves. Or wait until all their kids are in school, make them work part-time and still help with food and housing. Let's do our math.
I have other steps too like legalizing marijuana so it can be taxed and making deadbeat dads pay more child support and starting empowerment classes to teach struggling single moms to do things like make their own laundry detergent and shop at garage sales. Also if we all spent something like $63 more a year on American made products we would create thousands of jobs. Ya, I am pretty sure you won't vote for me, but at least I have a plan. What does Obama have besides nice vacations on our dollar?
Friday, August 19, 2011
I'm Just Not That Into You
Sometimes I write about my kids, sometimes I write about my personal life, sometimes about friends, and sometimes I just write about how confused I can be. This is one of those times. Am I making sense? Perhaps not. Or, just maybe, I am about to blow your mind.
When I met my son's father, there was nothing there. There wasn't an initial attraction, thus no real chemistry. He was into me however, so I began talking to him. By our third date I knew that I could fall in love with him. I did. I wasn't going to give up, let go, or let it die, but he did. He let people eat away at his decisions and let them no longer become his own thoughts and opinions and I lost what I had.
Since that moment, I have tried to find a comparable moment. I have talked to several men. I have been on dates. I have tried the "just friends" thing and the "relationship" thing, but I have not had that same connection, and since I no longer have that connection with baby daddy, it has become the ONLY thing missing in my life. I am picky. No reason to lie. I want someone with morals, values, my sense of humor, tall, handsome, and a great dad. (That's right people I am exclusively dating single fathers. If he can't take care of his own kids, he sure as heck can't take care of mine.)
I have begun the process of becoming the woman a man would want to marry as well, don't think I am expecting the world of a man when I can't even deliver the moon. I am working out daily. (I will post result pictures at my son's first birthday party when I should hit my expected goal weight.) I am keeping the house clean, the laundry done, and my kids well organized. I am reading the Bible regularly, attending church, and praying for the right man to enter our lives and complete our family.
I guess I am having trouble dealing with the concept that this may not happen. I can hope, wish, pray and prepare for a husband all I want, but if I am not feeling it, it's just not right. I also find myself pulling away from certain types of people I formerly associated with. If you drink heavily, do drugs, or use a lot of immoral behavior to control your life, I haven't been talking to as much. I am working on being a better mother so that if and when I do find the right man I can focus on the relationship knowing that the rest of my life is in order.
My kids have been praying for me to find a husband too. They miss baby daddy a lot especially now that they are getting older and beginning to realize the type of man their father actually is. I have stopped dwelling on my personal hurt and have turned my focus on what I can do to help the hurt in others. I may walk away from this experience with many new friends, but so far I often feel like a lot of my conversations are one sided or aimed at trying to get in my pants.
I have made many mistakes in the last 9 years. Having sex again outside of marriage will not be one of them. If you know that "right" guy for me or you think you do, send him my way. I am not opposed to being set up. I want to be in love and happy again. I really want the opportunity to be all I can for myself and for my children first, but when I meet the right guy, I will just know and pray he knows too.
When I met my son's father, there was nothing there. There wasn't an initial attraction, thus no real chemistry. He was into me however, so I began talking to him. By our third date I knew that I could fall in love with him. I did. I wasn't going to give up, let go, or let it die, but he did. He let people eat away at his decisions and let them no longer become his own thoughts and opinions and I lost what I had.
Since that moment, I have tried to find a comparable moment. I have talked to several men. I have been on dates. I have tried the "just friends" thing and the "relationship" thing, but I have not had that same connection, and since I no longer have that connection with baby daddy, it has become the ONLY thing missing in my life. I am picky. No reason to lie. I want someone with morals, values, my sense of humor, tall, handsome, and a great dad. (That's right people I am exclusively dating single fathers. If he can't take care of his own kids, he sure as heck can't take care of mine.)
I have begun the process of becoming the woman a man would want to marry as well, don't think I am expecting the world of a man when I can't even deliver the moon. I am working out daily. (I will post result pictures at my son's first birthday party when I should hit my expected goal weight.) I am keeping the house clean, the laundry done, and my kids well organized. I am reading the Bible regularly, attending church, and praying for the right man to enter our lives and complete our family.
I guess I am having trouble dealing with the concept that this may not happen. I can hope, wish, pray and prepare for a husband all I want, but if I am not feeling it, it's just not right. I also find myself pulling away from certain types of people I formerly associated with. If you drink heavily, do drugs, or use a lot of immoral behavior to control your life, I haven't been talking to as much. I am working on being a better mother so that if and when I do find the right man I can focus on the relationship knowing that the rest of my life is in order.
My kids have been praying for me to find a husband too. They miss baby daddy a lot especially now that they are getting older and beginning to realize the type of man their father actually is. I have stopped dwelling on my personal hurt and have turned my focus on what I can do to help the hurt in others. I may walk away from this experience with many new friends, but so far I often feel like a lot of my conversations are one sided or aimed at trying to get in my pants.
I have made many mistakes in the last 9 years. Having sex again outside of marriage will not be one of them. If you know that "right" guy for me or you think you do, send him my way. I am not opposed to being set up. I want to be in love and happy again. I really want the opportunity to be all I can for myself and for my children first, but when I meet the right guy, I will just know and pray he knows too.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
What If We Were Wrong About Each Other
I think by now you all know, I gave away school related essentials to kids that needed it this last Saturday. I have been doing this for three years now. Every year the media reports on the line, mostly how "massive" and "impressive" it is. What they don't tell you is the impact of what this event does. They don't tell the real stories of the people in line. They don't tell you the stories about the volunteers. Some of you know my story, some are still piecing it together. For those that know, you know why I am there until 11pm the night before and back before 6am the next morning. Those stories, while important and relevant, do not compare to the under-cover stories I hear in the volunteer room. The stories are not that of the families we are helping, or even the volunteers, but rather the following is my personal conviction about the lack of administrative caring within the school.
This is a portion of the line for the people I spent the day directing volunteers where to go and help. The need is greater every year.
I have had many teachers in my lifetime. Some cared, some really didn't. I still have never forgotten how my 8th grade history teacher still had to refer to me as, "you" at nearly the end of my 8th grade year. Yes, I was quiet, but I got an A in his class. If he called on me, I always had the right answer. My seventh grade history teacher once made me stop giving answers in a game, because I was right more than I should have been. You see over the years I had learned if you stop talking, and really listen you will find the truth. Also, then when you actually speak what you say is more meaningful. The following is my "I Have a Dream" speech. While I am not Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I do think that after my Saturday all that I am about to say is valid.
What if on the first day of class the teacher didn't judge you by your appearance? What if she looked past your dirty clothes and tangled hair? What if she didn't see your backpack that you had to wait 6 hours in line to get because your parents couldn't afford it? What if the opposite were true? What if she didn't look at your $60 jeans and name brand shirt? What if she didn't look at your manicured nails and perfect hair? What she didn't notice your well balanced lunch in a shiny new lunch box? What if she didn't judge you before you arrived based on other teachers opinions? What if she decided to care whether your parents do or not? What if she decided to treat everyone as equals? What if she assumed you were smart? What if she took a personal interest in you?
What if she let everyone start on the same playing field? What if she told you that the way you are treated at home will not be the way you are treated here? What if she talked to you? What if she knew more about you than your name? What if there was no judgement placed on you because of your older siblings? What if she looked past your neighborhood, your address, and your house? What if while she cared that your daddy is in jail, she didn't hold it against you? What if because you come from these things she held you to a higher standard? What if she took extra time to love you instead of judge you? What if she decided to push you further?
What if grades were based on your personal effort? What if she didn't just pass you to get rid of you? What if you had to meet standards laid before you? What if can't was taken out of your vocabulary? What if because one teacher cared one student didn't do drugs? What if because one teacher cared one student stayed out of jail? What if because one teacher cared a little girl didn't have to go home to her drug addicted mother passed out on the couch? What if because one teacher cared a child wasn't found dead in their abusive environment? What if they cared?
What if that one teacher, turned into all teachers? What if all the teachers cared about every student? What if they all stopped judging? What if they all stopped talking about the children as a job and a paycheck? What if they saw the children as the future? What if those children had children? What if their children changed the neighborhood? What if the drugs stopped? What if they all went to college? What if they all came back to improve the neighborhood?
You see people, I spent a day in the volunteer room with the 4 teachers that bothered to care. Even those teachers talked about how when the parents don't care it's pointless to try to teach the children in the room. The behavior of the kids is so bad in the poor neighborhoods, it's almost impossible to teach anything. It left me wondering why they don't change it. If they got up in front of the students and told them they all could have an A. They were not going to be graded on their clothes, money, cleanliness, parents, siblings, neighborhood, or anything else that may be a concern for them so they could focus more on studying and less on worrying about being judged.
The differences within elementary schools within my neighborhood and the one I send my kids to haunt me. When I went to open house night at my kids' school they were great with hugs, by the teachers and by the principal. When I told my twins kindergarten teacher what I do just to get them to the better school, I knew she was going to use that information to push my girls harder instead of holding them back.
95 percent of students in my neighborhood school are on free lunch. They all have the same backpack, mostly because we give them away for free and their parents are willing to wait in line for as much as 10 hours just to get them one. The teachers are more concerned with disciplining the students then giving an education. I know not just from what I heard, but also because the "good/quiet" students have teachers that don't even know their name. If you show up and don't hit somebody, no one bothers to get to know you.
To conclude this I want you all to know I met a grandma that was a retired guidance counselor. She sent her grandchild to the school my children attend. She made the principals honor roll there for 2 years. Then she moved into my neighborhood. The child was quiet, did her work, but got all Fs except for one lone D. You may say the work was harder. I have seen and compared my son's work to the work being done here, his is by far the more challenging. So one has to ask how does a good student fall through the cracks? However, that wasn't my question. My question was rather, "how does one let a child fall through the cracks, and then move them to the next grade?" You all think about that.
I have had many teachers in my lifetime. Some cared, some really didn't. I still have never forgotten how my 8th grade history teacher still had to refer to me as, "you" at nearly the end of my 8th grade year. Yes, I was quiet, but I got an A in his class. If he called on me, I always had the right answer. My seventh grade history teacher once made me stop giving answers in a game, because I was right more than I should have been. You see over the years I had learned if you stop talking, and really listen you will find the truth. Also, then when you actually speak what you say is more meaningful. The following is my "I Have a Dream" speech. While I am not Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I do think that after my Saturday all that I am about to say is valid.
What if on the first day of class the teacher didn't judge you by your appearance? What if she looked past your dirty clothes and tangled hair? What if she didn't see your backpack that you had to wait 6 hours in line to get because your parents couldn't afford it? What if the opposite were true? What if she didn't look at your $60 jeans and name brand shirt? What if she didn't look at your manicured nails and perfect hair? What she didn't notice your well balanced lunch in a shiny new lunch box? What if she didn't judge you before you arrived based on other teachers opinions? What if she decided to care whether your parents do or not? What if she decided to treat everyone as equals? What if she assumed you were smart? What if she took a personal interest in you?
What if she let everyone start on the same playing field? What if she told you that the way you are treated at home will not be the way you are treated here? What if she talked to you? What if she knew more about you than your name? What if there was no judgement placed on you because of your older siblings? What if she looked past your neighborhood, your address, and your house? What if while she cared that your daddy is in jail, she didn't hold it against you? What if because you come from these things she held you to a higher standard? What if she took extra time to love you instead of judge you? What if she decided to push you further?
What if grades were based on your personal effort? What if she didn't just pass you to get rid of you? What if you had to meet standards laid before you? What if can't was taken out of your vocabulary? What if because one teacher cared one student didn't do drugs? What if because one teacher cared one student stayed out of jail? What if because one teacher cared a little girl didn't have to go home to her drug addicted mother passed out on the couch? What if because one teacher cared a child wasn't found dead in their abusive environment? What if they cared?
What if that one teacher, turned into all teachers? What if all the teachers cared about every student? What if they all stopped judging? What if they all stopped talking about the children as a job and a paycheck? What if they saw the children as the future? What if those children had children? What if their children changed the neighborhood? What if the drugs stopped? What if they all went to college? What if they all came back to improve the neighborhood?
You see people, I spent a day in the volunteer room with the 4 teachers that bothered to care. Even those teachers talked about how when the parents don't care it's pointless to try to teach the children in the room. The behavior of the kids is so bad in the poor neighborhoods, it's almost impossible to teach anything. It left me wondering why they don't change it. If they got up in front of the students and told them they all could have an A. They were not going to be graded on their clothes, money, cleanliness, parents, siblings, neighborhood, or anything else that may be a concern for them so they could focus more on studying and less on worrying about being judged.
The differences within elementary schools within my neighborhood and the one I send my kids to haunt me. When I went to open house night at my kids' school they were great with hugs, by the teachers and by the principal. When I told my twins kindergarten teacher what I do just to get them to the better school, I knew she was going to use that information to push my girls harder instead of holding them back.
95 percent of students in my neighborhood school are on free lunch. They all have the same backpack, mostly because we give them away for free and their parents are willing to wait in line for as much as 10 hours just to get them one. The teachers are more concerned with disciplining the students then giving an education. I know not just from what I heard, but also because the "good/quiet" students have teachers that don't even know their name. If you show up and don't hit somebody, no one bothers to get to know you.
To conclude this I want you all to know I met a grandma that was a retired guidance counselor. She sent her grandchild to the school my children attend. She made the principals honor roll there for 2 years. Then she moved into my neighborhood. The child was quiet, did her work, but got all Fs except for one lone D. You may say the work was harder. I have seen and compared my son's work to the work being done here, his is by far the more challenging. So one has to ask how does a good student fall through the cracks? However, that wasn't my question. My question was rather, "how does one let a child fall through the cracks, and then move them to the next grade?" You all think about that.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I'm Gonna Make Fun Of You Now...
Some of you may have seen my facebook post on bullying yesterday and I would like to take this opportunity to explain my theory. You may take it and run with it, or throw it out the window, I really don't care. This is MY theory and I AM entitled to it.
I think as a society we spend way too much time on the whole "poor me" thing. Oh, "poor me", I got dumped, I am too fat, my car broke down, the popular kids made fun of my hair, I can't sit with the "cool kids" because I am not wearing name brands. Get over YOURSELF!!! Yes, I said it. While it is very wrong for anyone to make fun of another person there is a reason behind it. Usually the people making fun of you are insecure about themselves and need to make fun of you to feel better about themselves.
That can't be the case though, because they are "popular" and so there is no way they can possibly be insecure. All you want to do is fit in with their group. You are so wrong. They became popular because other kids allowed them to ruin their self-esteem and control the way the feel to a point that we have become so insecure that we believe their lies and turn into the losers that we allow them to make us.
Let me put this another way. In the real adult world, we continue our high school antics. I was working in a local mall. In this mall there were some very distinct cliques. There were the 40 somethings that had been mall managers way too long and they tried to avoid all the younger managers because they wanted to look like they knew what they were doing and we there because they were actually good at their jobs when the reality was that they had stayed too long and couldn't make a better wage elsewhere. There were the teenagers that worked part-time and knew each other from school. Then there were two very different groups in their 20s and 30s. The first group worked in places like technology stores and book stores. They were a bit different, probably not in the "in-crowd" during school. Then there were the "hot girls". Yes, you know you have seen them. These are the pretty girls that work mostly in fashion related stores. They all date men with money, so they really don't need to make that much. Plus all the male shoppers bring them little treats like donuts so they really don't have to buy anything.
I began as a tech geek in the mall. I was still a bit chunky from having Skye and I was a quiet worker that kept to myself. After being there about 6 months I made a personal choice to get all the weight off. Everyone noticed. The security guards would stop and make small talk. And yes, I even got fresh donuts every morning I worked thanks to AT&T guys. Eventually, the "hot girls" had taken notice. I got an invite to go out drinking after work. I politely explained I had to get back to my 4 children at the time, but thanks anyway. The "hot girls" continued to talk to me daily now. While it was nice to have the option of being a part of this exclusive group, I realized I really didn't like them. We had nothing in common. They all were dating these super-model looking men and I was happily single. None of them had kids and I had 4. So on some level the girls I thought I wanted to be associated with, were really never people I would choose for friends at all.
So flash back to high school. You can picture that core group of people that was "popular". Maybe they were jocks, had money, a good car, or name-brand clothing, but were any of them really friends? Were they even really friends with each other? I love watching them on facebook now. Ya, I may not have been "good enough" (whatever you define that as) in high school to hang out with them, but they sure do like to send me facebook requests now. I will never forget being the quiet girl in their mind. I would listen in on all their conversations in high school, and really they all hated each other. I really and truly believe none of them were ever actually friends. It was all a big fake act complete with hugs, and false compliments that were denied the instant one of them left the room so the others could insult her. It was sad.
Which brings me to my next point, why are all these kids so hell bent on hanging out with kids that don't like them? They don't even like each other. Putting on name brand clothes, winning the lottery, working your butt off to afford a new car, those things will not change who you are inside. A nerd can't put on a pair of Silver's and suddenly become prom queen. It only happens in the movies.
I would also like to say that a bunch of them have reached out to me. They never once apologized for excluding me, I don't want that. I threw carrots at the fat girls (I am truly and sincerely sorry for that btw. I was the "fat girl" within my own circle.) The reason these people are coming to me: divorce and child custody. Yes, that's right apparently I am the resident child custody and divorce expert of my high school. I have had 7 people contact me in the last 3 months alone. I am not complaining at all. Anyone that needs help with either of these I am more than happy to help, but I am surprised. More importantly, I think they were surprised. I am funny, nice, smart and helpful. since they never talked to me before they had no idea and I really could see a few of these people in my life for a while. I think a lot of it has to do with a personal change in my life though.
We have to start by liking ourselves. I am going to be brutally honest for a moment. My oldest son is a nerd. He wears glasses, has a nerdy sense of humor, and let's face it he has a lot of his dad's ideas in him. (By that I mean he thinks that working in a factory after high school while living on grandma's couch constitutes a life plan) I buy Christopher (my son's name) all the name brand clothes I can find. I made sure he got good glasses for his face. I encourage him to keep his hairstyle current. I buy him the "right" shoes. All his school supplies this year were unique. I do this stuff so that my son can never blame anyone for his level of popularity but himself.
See I spent a lot of time blaming my parents since I was unpopular. My parents were too old to dress me fashionably. They were old school and never bought me anything trendy. I didn't have a cell phone until I was 19. My mom thought elastic waist blue jeans were the "in" style cause that was all she wore. So I blamed my mom and dad for what would have probably had the same outcome either way. I wasn't quite a nerd, but I definitely was not popular. Sure I had my share of boyfriends, had a fair amount of parties, and sat with a close knit circle, however, I never got invited to go do anything with the carpeted-side of the cafeteria kids freshman year.
As for my other kids, Manda and Sydney are twins. They will be instantly popular as they know the other set of twins which are their brother's cousins. Sydney is extremely athletic and will most likely just fit right in. Manda is quiet, but she's very pretty. Everywhere we go, boys follow her around already. (Yes, I will be investing in a large stick to keep by my front door) Skye is just lovable with a huge personality and with her sisters to pave the way I am certain she will be just as popular. All 4 of my older kids will be in high school at the same time.
The difference between my kids and the other kids though will be that my kids will not be victims. They will not sit around and say "why me". Instead my kids will go out and create their own path. I tell my kids daily that life is too short to waste trying to please people that don't like you. Like yourself. Find others you like. Share your love with the world and you will feel better about yourself.
I think Will Smith says it best, " Money and success don't change people; they merely amplify what is already there. Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too. Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like."
I think as a society we spend way too much time on the whole "poor me" thing. Oh, "poor me", I got dumped, I am too fat, my car broke down, the popular kids made fun of my hair, I can't sit with the "cool kids" because I am not wearing name brands. Get over YOURSELF!!! Yes, I said it. While it is very wrong for anyone to make fun of another person there is a reason behind it. Usually the people making fun of you are insecure about themselves and need to make fun of you to feel better about themselves.
That can't be the case though, because they are "popular" and so there is no way they can possibly be insecure. All you want to do is fit in with their group. You are so wrong. They became popular because other kids allowed them to ruin their self-esteem and control the way the feel to a point that we have become so insecure that we believe their lies and turn into the losers that we allow them to make us.
Let me put this another way. In the real adult world, we continue our high school antics. I was working in a local mall. In this mall there were some very distinct cliques. There were the 40 somethings that had been mall managers way too long and they tried to avoid all the younger managers because they wanted to look like they knew what they were doing and we there because they were actually good at their jobs when the reality was that they had stayed too long and couldn't make a better wage elsewhere. There were the teenagers that worked part-time and knew each other from school. Then there were two very different groups in their 20s and 30s. The first group worked in places like technology stores and book stores. They were a bit different, probably not in the "in-crowd" during school. Then there were the "hot girls". Yes, you know you have seen them. These are the pretty girls that work mostly in fashion related stores. They all date men with money, so they really don't need to make that much. Plus all the male shoppers bring them little treats like donuts so they really don't have to buy anything.
I began as a tech geek in the mall. I was still a bit chunky from having Skye and I was a quiet worker that kept to myself. After being there about 6 months I made a personal choice to get all the weight off. Everyone noticed. The security guards would stop and make small talk. And yes, I even got fresh donuts every morning I worked thanks to AT&T guys. Eventually, the "hot girls" had taken notice. I got an invite to go out drinking after work. I politely explained I had to get back to my 4 children at the time, but thanks anyway. The "hot girls" continued to talk to me daily now. While it was nice to have the option of being a part of this exclusive group, I realized I really didn't like them. We had nothing in common. They all were dating these super-model looking men and I was happily single. None of them had kids and I had 4. So on some level the girls I thought I wanted to be associated with, were really never people I would choose for friends at all.
So flash back to high school. You can picture that core group of people that was "popular". Maybe they were jocks, had money, a good car, or name-brand clothing, but were any of them really friends? Were they even really friends with each other? I love watching them on facebook now. Ya, I may not have been "good enough" (whatever you define that as) in high school to hang out with them, but they sure do like to send me facebook requests now. I will never forget being the quiet girl in their mind. I would listen in on all their conversations in high school, and really they all hated each other. I really and truly believe none of them were ever actually friends. It was all a big fake act complete with hugs, and false compliments that were denied the instant one of them left the room so the others could insult her. It was sad.
Which brings me to my next point, why are all these kids so hell bent on hanging out with kids that don't like them? They don't even like each other. Putting on name brand clothes, winning the lottery, working your butt off to afford a new car, those things will not change who you are inside. A nerd can't put on a pair of Silver's and suddenly become prom queen. It only happens in the movies.
I would also like to say that a bunch of them have reached out to me. They never once apologized for excluding me, I don't want that. I threw carrots at the fat girls (I am truly and sincerely sorry for that btw. I was the "fat girl" within my own circle.) The reason these people are coming to me: divorce and child custody. Yes, that's right apparently I am the resident child custody and divorce expert of my high school. I have had 7 people contact me in the last 3 months alone. I am not complaining at all. Anyone that needs help with either of these I am more than happy to help, but I am surprised. More importantly, I think they were surprised. I am funny, nice, smart and helpful. since they never talked to me before they had no idea and I really could see a few of these people in my life for a while. I think a lot of it has to do with a personal change in my life though.
We have to start by liking ourselves. I am going to be brutally honest for a moment. My oldest son is a nerd. He wears glasses, has a nerdy sense of humor, and let's face it he has a lot of his dad's ideas in him. (By that I mean he thinks that working in a factory after high school while living on grandma's couch constitutes a life plan) I buy Christopher (my son's name) all the name brand clothes I can find. I made sure he got good glasses for his face. I encourage him to keep his hairstyle current. I buy him the "right" shoes. All his school supplies this year were unique. I do this stuff so that my son can never blame anyone for his level of popularity but himself.
See I spent a lot of time blaming my parents since I was unpopular. My parents were too old to dress me fashionably. They were old school and never bought me anything trendy. I didn't have a cell phone until I was 19. My mom thought elastic waist blue jeans were the "in" style cause that was all she wore. So I blamed my mom and dad for what would have probably had the same outcome either way. I wasn't quite a nerd, but I definitely was not popular. Sure I had my share of boyfriends, had a fair amount of parties, and sat with a close knit circle, however, I never got invited to go do anything with the carpeted-side of the cafeteria kids freshman year.
As for my other kids, Manda and Sydney are twins. They will be instantly popular as they know the other set of twins which are their brother's cousins. Sydney is extremely athletic and will most likely just fit right in. Manda is quiet, but she's very pretty. Everywhere we go, boys follow her around already. (Yes, I will be investing in a large stick to keep by my front door) Skye is just lovable with a huge personality and with her sisters to pave the way I am certain she will be just as popular. All 4 of my older kids will be in high school at the same time.
The difference between my kids and the other kids though will be that my kids will not be victims. They will not sit around and say "why me". Instead my kids will go out and create their own path. I tell my kids daily that life is too short to waste trying to please people that don't like you. Like yourself. Find others you like. Share your love with the world and you will feel better about yourself.
I think Will Smith says it best, " Money and success don't change people; they merely amplify what is already there. Throughout life people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad. Let God deal with the things they do, cause hate in your heart will consume you too. Too many people spend money they haven't earned, to buy things they don't want, to impress people they don't like."
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
It's Just A Part In The Movie Of My Life
So I read this book. (OMG call the media, Jenelle had time to read a book!!!) It was called Consequential Strangers. The gist of the book is basically that the majority of the people and events that shape our lives, contribute to our happiness, or helped us get where we are today are not people within our family. Rather we drift through life meeting a bunch of "strangers" that give us a chance, give us hope, teach us a lesson and leave us with a memory. It asks you to make a list of the people or moments for those moments that contained many people in their production that made you who you are. So, I made a brief list. This is just a starting off point as the book of my life has yet to be written. If you made my list, chances are you will also be in my book. Congrats!
I guess I will start my list with the obvious. The following people were teachers from various points in my career. Perhaps you also had these teachers. Perhaps these teachers also shaped your life. Feel free to comment or message me if it is so. I want tons of comments on this blog!
Mrs. Noaker was my 6th grade teacher. She was the first person to ever tell me my real problem with school: I was bored. At parent teacher conferences she explained to my mom that the reason I made stupid mistakes (keep in mind at this point I was a straight A student) was that I was not being challenged enough. I tend to tone out when I am bored or just hurry through my work because it is too easy for me. Even now, I am still this way. I make stupid errors, even misspelling my child's name just to get the easy part out of the way. She decided to place me in journalism the following year. That was where I met my next teacher.
Mr. Free was my 7th and 8th grade journalism teacher. He was also the teacher I chose to come back and do my cadet teaching with. I think he had to be my favorite teacher basically because I was never bored. It wasn't a normal class. It had different, more adult expectations and he treated us as responsible teens without us having to earn it. Plus I still use his "no whining" slogan with my own children. I think the biggest impact he had on my life was telling me that I would make a great teacher. I may have never became a "teacher", but I am a mom of 5 kids that I shape, mold and teach daily. I hope I am fulfilling the expectations he had of me.
Mrs. Greene was my 11th grade Honors English teacher. She taught me how to love. See she didn't play favorites. Every student was her favorite. Every class was loved equally. At the end of every week we got a love letter from her. It was always unique just for that class. The more I think about it, the more I want to write each of my children a weekly love letter. Perhaps I will even set up an email account just for each one to send them pictures and emails about the weeks events in honor of one of my favorite teachers. I think the thing I loved most about her is something I will never do. she invited us all to her house and let us eat anywhere we wanted. She had white carpet. If only I were so brave.
Ms. Shoener was my data analysis and probability teacher. I want to clarify that she is on the list because not every experience in life is a good one. She gave me my first D. Had I earned that D I would have accepted it and moved on. However, we had a final project I had been working on for 3 weeks. We were all given a disk by her, to do our project on the school computers. The day before it was due, she had seen my project, looked it over, complimented it, and told me I could print it the next day as we were out of time. So the next morning while all of us were getting ready to print our projects I inserted my disk. The computer blew up....literally had smoke come out of it. It ate my disk leaving my 175 point final project inside a computer that couldn't be used. No credit. No partial credit. All my work in the class had been worthless as she refused to award me any points. I took my D and walked away stronger as I knew that I would not be a person that bases all my decisions on what can be seen that day.
Linda Roach was my pastor's wife. She was a strong woman that held a strong belief in prayer and in signs. Every time she asked for an answer God sent her a clear one. She had an amazing walk with God that I aspire to have.
Autumn was one of the foster children that Linda and her husband Mike took in. She was a 16 year old pregnant with twins and was a twin herself. She was the first person to tell me that it's ok to make mistakes as long as you walk away a better person. She intended on giving them up for adoption. She wasn't around long enough for me to discover if she did, but wherever she is, I know that she is making something of herself.
Billy Blanks invented Taebo. He is on my list simply because I love Taebo and it's the only workout that I have ever gotten immediate and lasting results with. I just got his insane abs and I intend on being in a goal outfit by Austin's first birthday with his help.
My ex-husband has taught me how much I will tolerate, how strong I can be, to make better choices, to stand on my own two feet, to be a better parent, how long I can go without food (while pregnant), how to hide bruises and tears, and most importantly when to walk away. I have 4 amazing children as a result of tolerating too much. That I will never regret. He failed to take away my ideals about love and family. He only temporarily robbed me of my self-esteem. I stand here today stronger, smarter, healthier, and better off because I was able to be pushed to my limits and escape.
Stephen King is my favorite writer. I aspire to have half the fan base he does.
Things Remembered, ah yes a store. You taught me how people will buy anything at any price if you spin them the right story. You taught me that a high mark-up and low wages will make a great profit. You also showed me pregnancy discrimination like I will never forget. Thanks for that.
LaCasa has taught me how to have a ghetto apartment and live. I have put up with trash in the halls, drunk men peeing in the elevator and now finally a rape on the backstair case. In other words, you have taught me when I need to move.
College has taught me that I hate college. I don't know how to study, but because I am talented at writing papers, not only can I pass a class, but I can walk away remembering none of it.
Chris Hempel, I don't think you read my blogs. If by some chance you read this I want let everyone know that you have a big role in the reason I am still alive. For those of you that don't know, Chris was my best friend. He encouraged me to walk away from my marriage. Once I did he was right there bringing me brownies and calling to check on me 5 or 6 times a day to know I was safe. After all of this I hurt him badly by being with someone else and yet he has forgiven me. I wish he was still my best friend, and I wish him the best of luck with his marriage. I hope that one day we can talk like we used to. If not, I will always have that memory.
Alisha Howton, you are my best friend. Because of you and Matt my girls are able to go to pre-school. I always have someone to talk to, no matter what time it is. I never have to question whether we are really friends because I know we are. Pretty soon we will be having lunch play-dates and walking our babies through the mall and I can think of no one I would rather do that with than you.
Jen Fry, you were my first best friend. We have all kinds of weird jokes about fertile eggs and golf clubs and everyone may stare at us like morons when we discuss this, but we both know we are simply hilarious! If they don't they can get over it.
Lindsay House, you were the best friend that got me between the best friends. While we also have a million inside jokes about how "he look like a man" or the cheese factory, I know that if ten years pass by again without us talking, when we do, it will be just like you never moved away. Just for the record, it was bigger than my thumb.
Calvin, you are my brother. Some people say that family is what you are born with. I say family are the people that find you when you need them the most. They show up, eat your food, watch your kids, and never ask for more than that. Only we can make a Wal-Mart trip into an adventure and only you and Cory would teach my twins to scream "penis" over the aisles. I love you little bro.
Yes, y'all this list will be continued as my brain is beginning to hurt.
I guess I will start my list with the obvious. The following people were teachers from various points in my career. Perhaps you also had these teachers. Perhaps these teachers also shaped your life. Feel free to comment or message me if it is so. I want tons of comments on this blog!
Mrs. Noaker was my 6th grade teacher. She was the first person to ever tell me my real problem with school: I was bored. At parent teacher conferences she explained to my mom that the reason I made stupid mistakes (keep in mind at this point I was a straight A student) was that I was not being challenged enough. I tend to tone out when I am bored or just hurry through my work because it is too easy for me. Even now, I am still this way. I make stupid errors, even misspelling my child's name just to get the easy part out of the way. She decided to place me in journalism the following year. That was where I met my next teacher.
Mr. Free was my 7th and 8th grade journalism teacher. He was also the teacher I chose to come back and do my cadet teaching with. I think he had to be my favorite teacher basically because I was never bored. It wasn't a normal class. It had different, more adult expectations and he treated us as responsible teens without us having to earn it. Plus I still use his "no whining" slogan with my own children. I think the biggest impact he had on my life was telling me that I would make a great teacher. I may have never became a "teacher", but I am a mom of 5 kids that I shape, mold and teach daily. I hope I am fulfilling the expectations he had of me.
Mrs. Greene was my 11th grade Honors English teacher. She taught me how to love. See she didn't play favorites. Every student was her favorite. Every class was loved equally. At the end of every week we got a love letter from her. It was always unique just for that class. The more I think about it, the more I want to write each of my children a weekly love letter. Perhaps I will even set up an email account just for each one to send them pictures and emails about the weeks events in honor of one of my favorite teachers. I think the thing I loved most about her is something I will never do. she invited us all to her house and let us eat anywhere we wanted. She had white carpet. If only I were so brave.
Ms. Shoener was my data analysis and probability teacher. I want to clarify that she is on the list because not every experience in life is a good one. She gave me my first D. Had I earned that D I would have accepted it and moved on. However, we had a final project I had been working on for 3 weeks. We were all given a disk by her, to do our project on the school computers. The day before it was due, she had seen my project, looked it over, complimented it, and told me I could print it the next day as we were out of time. So the next morning while all of us were getting ready to print our projects I inserted my disk. The computer blew up....literally had smoke come out of it. It ate my disk leaving my 175 point final project inside a computer that couldn't be used. No credit. No partial credit. All my work in the class had been worthless as she refused to award me any points. I took my D and walked away stronger as I knew that I would not be a person that bases all my decisions on what can be seen that day.
Linda Roach was my pastor's wife. She was a strong woman that held a strong belief in prayer and in signs. Every time she asked for an answer God sent her a clear one. She had an amazing walk with God that I aspire to have.
Autumn was one of the foster children that Linda and her husband Mike took in. She was a 16 year old pregnant with twins and was a twin herself. She was the first person to tell me that it's ok to make mistakes as long as you walk away a better person. She intended on giving them up for adoption. She wasn't around long enough for me to discover if she did, but wherever she is, I know that she is making something of herself.
Billy Blanks invented Taebo. He is on my list simply because I love Taebo and it's the only workout that I have ever gotten immediate and lasting results with. I just got his insane abs and I intend on being in a goal outfit by Austin's first birthday with his help.
My ex-husband has taught me how much I will tolerate, how strong I can be, to make better choices, to stand on my own two feet, to be a better parent, how long I can go without food (while pregnant), how to hide bruises and tears, and most importantly when to walk away. I have 4 amazing children as a result of tolerating too much. That I will never regret. He failed to take away my ideals about love and family. He only temporarily robbed me of my self-esteem. I stand here today stronger, smarter, healthier, and better off because I was able to be pushed to my limits and escape.
Stephen King is my favorite writer. I aspire to have half the fan base he does.
Things Remembered, ah yes a store. You taught me how people will buy anything at any price if you spin them the right story. You taught me that a high mark-up and low wages will make a great profit. You also showed me pregnancy discrimination like I will never forget. Thanks for that.
LaCasa has taught me how to have a ghetto apartment and live. I have put up with trash in the halls, drunk men peeing in the elevator and now finally a rape on the backstair case. In other words, you have taught me when I need to move.
College has taught me that I hate college. I don't know how to study, but because I am talented at writing papers, not only can I pass a class, but I can walk away remembering none of it.
Chris Hempel, I don't think you read my blogs. If by some chance you read this I want let everyone know that you have a big role in the reason I am still alive. For those of you that don't know, Chris was my best friend. He encouraged me to walk away from my marriage. Once I did he was right there bringing me brownies and calling to check on me 5 or 6 times a day to know I was safe. After all of this I hurt him badly by being with someone else and yet he has forgiven me. I wish he was still my best friend, and I wish him the best of luck with his marriage. I hope that one day we can talk like we used to. If not, I will always have that memory.
Alisha Howton, you are my best friend. Because of you and Matt my girls are able to go to pre-school. I always have someone to talk to, no matter what time it is. I never have to question whether we are really friends because I know we are. Pretty soon we will be having lunch play-dates and walking our babies through the mall and I can think of no one I would rather do that with than you.
Jen Fry, you were my first best friend. We have all kinds of weird jokes about fertile eggs and golf clubs and everyone may stare at us like morons when we discuss this, but we both know we are simply hilarious! If they don't they can get over it.
Lindsay House, you were the best friend that got me between the best friends. While we also have a million inside jokes about how "he look like a man" or the cheese factory, I know that if ten years pass by again without us talking, when we do, it will be just like you never moved away. Just for the record, it was bigger than my thumb.
Calvin, you are my brother. Some people say that family is what you are born with. I say family are the people that find you when you need them the most. They show up, eat your food, watch your kids, and never ask for more than that. Only we can make a Wal-Mart trip into an adventure and only you and Cory would teach my twins to scream "penis" over the aisles. I love you little bro.
Yes, y'all this list will be continued as my brain is beginning to hurt.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Women: The Other Dumb Meat
I don't need to work. You see, I am going to become a trophy wife. I will start by working out 3 hours a day and keeping my house spotlessly clean all while wearing nothing but heels and a smile. Not only will I marry a rich man, but an old man as well. Of course, he will need ample Viagra to keep up with my endless sex drive. Then one fine day in the sac, he will die of natural causes leaving me his mansion and all his money. Then I can find a man I actually love to marry and live happily ever after with.
At this point, most of you man folks out there are thinking I am a greedy little whore. You would probably be right if this were me at all. I would NEVER marry for money. I will NEVER work out 3 times a day. Cleaning in heels may be reserve for special occasions with my broke husband and I to share. My house is NEVER spotless.
You see I have 5 kids. I won't marry a man without kids unless he isn't fertile. So I am looking at a lower middle class family by the time we feed/clothe/house our at least 6 children. I don't think that love is too out of the question for us. It's more a matter of God's timing and when.
I made the following comment under a friend's status after one of his relatives made a comment about him needing to grow up, provide for his girls, and get a job:
At this point, most of you man folks out there are thinking I am a greedy little whore. You would probably be right if this were me at all. I would NEVER marry for money. I will NEVER work out 3 times a day. Cleaning in heels may be reserve for special occasions with my broke husband and I to share. My house is NEVER spotless.
You see I have 5 kids. I won't marry a man without kids unless he isn't fertile. So I am looking at a lower middle class family by the time we feed/clothe/house our at least 6 children. I don't think that love is too out of the question for us. It's more a matter of God's timing and when.
I made the following comment under a friend's status after one of his relatives made a comment about him needing to grow up, provide for his girls, and get a job:
So not true! I see many boys grow up, not work and live off their baby mamas/girlfriends. They will never marry them (not just bc they can't afford a classy pawn shop ring) but bc when the money drys up there is always another naive single ...mom looking for a potential baby daddy. They can live in government housing/homeless shelters when there is no gf. Trust me, I have been watching my demonic 35 year old cousin I disowned run this game for years. This is why I only date older men with jobs now. It's pathetic when a boy thinks a single mom with five kids is going to take him out and buy. Heck no!!! Pull chairs, open doors, and I don't care if they don't spend a dime on me and we walk through a park all night, but learn respect. If you can't buy me a Big Mac, you sure as heck can't be a step-dad to my children. This is not a dig at you (friend's name was here)
You see I know what I want, but here are some truths. The longer anyone goes without a job, the easier it is to want to continue to not work. Women in this area are so desperate for someone to love them, someone to father their children, and just plain have someone to play house with, that they settle for anyone that comes along. These boys run this game well. They treat women like a piece of meat. They are there for their roof, and food, but mostly the sex. I see some very attractive men sucker these women into a guilt trip about their kids and make them lose their self-esteem to a point at which they feel they can't get a man with a job.
For some of these women, it is a fact. The way I see it, no man that is worth anything is going to want a woman that is barely worth anything herself. However, if she has kids, she becomes a meal and housing ticket. It's a free ride, both literally and figuratively. These women are not finding a male role model for their kids, but rather setting them up to be both hurt and disappointed.
Women: get a real man, with a real job, love him, treat him right, marry him, then move him in with you and your children. Don't teach your kids that relationships are disposable. Don't teach your daughter's it's ok to be used. See we are all just in a meat market. The men are the pigs and why put up with a whole pig for a little sausage. Men, I know you are looking at us the same way, but if you want this milk, you must pay. I am not free.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Insults (Cleverly Disguised As Compliments) and Other Stuff
Some of my friends have been around since I was 5, but a lot of my blog reading friends are newer. So today is a brief history lesson.
I grew up on CR 26. For those of you that are unaware, that's the road that runs behind the Goshen Meijer. We were what I would now consider upper-middle class. I was the only child. My dad was/is an engineer. (He has since moved with my step-mother to Lafayette) The mortgage was paid off and my dad made good money. No one would have ever guessed this however. Our furniture was old. My mom dressed like she was 80. (not living in the 80's like a little old lady) My dad drove an old ugly rusty blue Ford Taurus. (for those of you that saw me drive this to school I know you are laughing. We sold it my senior year for a whopping $200 cash money.) My mom's car was a wood-panel station wagon. I did have a million toys, and a pink and purple playhouse. We even painted the basketball hoop in our drive way pink and purple. (It was kinda an inside joke)
I had two cats. They lived outside and they had their own cathouse. My room had a bunch of Disney people riding bikes on ugly blue wallpaper. When I was 12 my parents got a divorce. Each bought a nice milk carton in a local trailer park. Before turning 12, I had only been to my uncle's trailer. It was so trashy that my grandma and I had had to go in with boots, gloves, and shovels to bag the trash inside. It was a complete embarrassment and I was terrified of the type of people that live in homes with wheels. (This was also the year I took up tennis. I think I always thought of tennis as a rich people's sport and it improved my thoughts about my living situation.)
I was pretty right on about the trash that lived in the trailers. It was my first in-person encounter with drugs, smoking, drinking and sex (On a personal note, to this day I have never smoked anything or done any drug.) Despite where I lived, I maintained decent grades, was a pretty decent person, and was pretty ok with myself. I was a size 4. I played two sports. I was on both newspaper and yearbook staff. I had some stupid boyfriends. (one of which I went on to marry) I didn't graduate with honors, which is weird cause I took every class with the word honors in the title. I was never popular, but I did enter two of the 4-H fair queen contests. I felt good. I looked good. I had a ton of potential.
Today's rant is about these following statements that have come about since high school. These are actually things real people have said to me. Below is both the statement and what I think it means. I gave you my background so you know why I feel these compliments are insults a bit better.
You look really good, for having five kids. = If you didn't have 5 kids I would find you a bit chubby.
You look nice today.= You look better than your normal self which is at the best average.
You manage well for five kids. = I would hate to be in your situation. I wonder why anyone would want to raise five kids alone.
Your kids are really cute.-surprised voice. (Sometimes say this even when kids aren't cute) = I didn't think someone like you could have cute kids.
I wouldn't have guessed you have five kids. = You look way too young to have that many kids so you must have started at 12.
Anyways....goodnight people I got distracted and forgot where I was going with this.
I grew up on CR 26. For those of you that are unaware, that's the road that runs behind the Goshen Meijer. We were what I would now consider upper-middle class. I was the only child. My dad was/is an engineer. (He has since moved with my step-mother to Lafayette) The mortgage was paid off and my dad made good money. No one would have ever guessed this however. Our furniture was old. My mom dressed like she was 80. (not living in the 80's like a little old lady) My dad drove an old ugly rusty blue Ford Taurus. (for those of you that saw me drive this to school I know you are laughing. We sold it my senior year for a whopping $200 cash money.) My mom's car was a wood-panel station wagon. I did have a million toys, and a pink and purple playhouse. We even painted the basketball hoop in our drive way pink and purple. (It was kinda an inside joke)
I had two cats. They lived outside and they had their own cathouse. My room had a bunch of Disney people riding bikes on ugly blue wallpaper. When I was 12 my parents got a divorce. Each bought a nice milk carton in a local trailer park. Before turning 12, I had only been to my uncle's trailer. It was so trashy that my grandma and I had had to go in with boots, gloves, and shovels to bag the trash inside. It was a complete embarrassment and I was terrified of the type of people that live in homes with wheels. (This was also the year I took up tennis. I think I always thought of tennis as a rich people's sport and it improved my thoughts about my living situation.)
I was pretty right on about the trash that lived in the trailers. It was my first in-person encounter with drugs, smoking, drinking and sex (On a personal note, to this day I have never smoked anything or done any drug.) Despite where I lived, I maintained decent grades, was a pretty decent person, and was pretty ok with myself. I was a size 4. I played two sports. I was on both newspaper and yearbook staff. I had some stupid boyfriends. (one of which I went on to marry) I didn't graduate with honors, which is weird cause I took every class with the word honors in the title. I was never popular, but I did enter two of the 4-H fair queen contests. I felt good. I looked good. I had a ton of potential.
Today's rant is about these following statements that have come about since high school. These are actually things real people have said to me. Below is both the statement and what I think it means. I gave you my background so you know why I feel these compliments are insults a bit better.
You look really good, for having five kids. = If you didn't have 5 kids I would find you a bit chubby.
You look nice today.= You look better than your normal self which is at the best average.
You manage well for five kids. = I would hate to be in your situation. I wonder why anyone would want to raise five kids alone.
Your kids are really cute.-surprised voice. (Sometimes say this even when kids aren't cute) = I didn't think someone like you could have cute kids.
I wouldn't have guessed you have five kids. = You look way too young to have that many kids so you must have started at 12.
Anyways....goodnight people I got distracted and forgot where I was going with this.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Let's get back to school....
So, please make fun of me all you want, but as of today I have purchased everything my kids need with only a couple exceptions for the entire next year. Still holding off on Kleenex, copy paper, and Elmer's glue in the 8oz bottles. I am seriously proud of all my shopping efforts. I found some amazing deals. I will be listing my accomplishments at the bottom of this page, but for now I am going to give my slight rant.
For the last two years I have been helping out with Back 2 School Elkhart. For those of you that don't know, it started out as an idea within my apartment building to help provide less fortunate children in Elkhart with backpacks, school supplies, food boxes, new outfits, shoes/socks, and any health exams or shots they made need. It turned into a program that served over 4,500 kids in our community last year. It is an all day event. I will be volunteering with the program again this year, and if you would like to help too, please message me.
There is only one problem with the program and it mainly is a lack of the right school supplies for the right grades. Part of the problem is donations. We can only give what is donated, if you would like to help with that part, again message me. However, we ended wasting a lot of what is donated. I don't mean it's a waste as it did go to the children that need it, but unfortunately, the kids (as in mine too) ended up with a lot they didn't need and even more missing that I had to go buy on my own and spend $63 on that we simply didn't have last year. I also didn't get the shoes that I had reserved because they gave them away and I had to literally borrow money for school shoes.
This year, we don't need the backpacks. I bought everything my kids need including one pair of shoes. I will continue to volunteer in anyway I can. I just feel like the kids should get what they need. Yes, it may be a pain to have kids come up with list and have all the supplies in bins to be given to only the kids that need it. Yes, we may run out. However, nothing would be wasted. All the kids that were able to get all they needed would have relieved parents. If we did run out we could have money in reserve and have a runner go buy more. I am just saying it makes more sense to me.
I have ran the volunteer room. I have served food. I have rode around on a golf cart at 30 weeks pregnant picking up chairs and tearing down tents. I am not afraid to get my hands dirty, but this year I want to help responsibly. Tomorrow I am helping move supplies around to get ready to move them to the new location. This project is like my baby. I personally have probably stuffed over a thousand backpacks and have talked to two thousand kids. I have seen the impact the project has on the neighborhood. I have hugged other volunteers. If you are struggling this year, I encourage you to come out. If you have extra to give, please give it wisely.
Below is my personal best list of places to buy back to school items. I have listed the item, where I bought it, and what I paid. Good luck mommys and daddys and happy shopping.
24 pk Crayola crayons, Kroger, .25
Scissors, Wal-mart, .76
index cards, Kroger, .15
15 pack glue sticks, Big Lots, 1.60
Pencil Box, Wal-mart, .46
Pencils, Big Lots, .15
Notebooks, Wal-mart, .20
Folders w/prongs, Wal-mart .15
Dry Erase Markers 4 pack, Dollar Tree, 1.00
Ziplock Bags Gal and quart size, Dollar Tree, 1.00
Back Packs, Big Lots, 7.00 (on a side note Wal-mart has some younger style ones for 5.00 however my experience last year with that brand says to avoid at all costs)
Markers, Wal-mart, .45
Clothing:
3 pack of girls socks at dollar tree was duh a dollar, they also have boys socks and long socks for fall/spring for girls
underwear, 3pk at Big Lots was just 2.00
All the children's clothing items were purchased at a combination of Goodwill, Faith Mission Store, Salvation Army, Resale Shops, Going out of Business sales, and garage sales. Everything I bought was name-brand, in style, and either like new or new. People assume I am both married and rich usually when we go out in the fall and winter. In the summer my kids tend to be less careful about the condition their attire gets into, although it all starts out nice.
For the last two years I have been helping out with Back 2 School Elkhart. For those of you that don't know, it started out as an idea within my apartment building to help provide less fortunate children in Elkhart with backpacks, school supplies, food boxes, new outfits, shoes/socks, and any health exams or shots they made need. It turned into a program that served over 4,500 kids in our community last year. It is an all day event. I will be volunteering with the program again this year, and if you would like to help too, please message me.
There is only one problem with the program and it mainly is a lack of the right school supplies for the right grades. Part of the problem is donations. We can only give what is donated, if you would like to help with that part, again message me. However, we ended wasting a lot of what is donated. I don't mean it's a waste as it did go to the children that need it, but unfortunately, the kids (as in mine too) ended up with a lot they didn't need and even more missing that I had to go buy on my own and spend $63 on that we simply didn't have last year. I also didn't get the shoes that I had reserved because they gave them away and I had to literally borrow money for school shoes.
This year, we don't need the backpacks. I bought everything my kids need including one pair of shoes. I will continue to volunteer in anyway I can. I just feel like the kids should get what they need. Yes, it may be a pain to have kids come up with list and have all the supplies in bins to be given to only the kids that need it. Yes, we may run out. However, nothing would be wasted. All the kids that were able to get all they needed would have relieved parents. If we did run out we could have money in reserve and have a runner go buy more. I am just saying it makes more sense to me.
I have ran the volunteer room. I have served food. I have rode around on a golf cart at 30 weeks pregnant picking up chairs and tearing down tents. I am not afraid to get my hands dirty, but this year I want to help responsibly. Tomorrow I am helping move supplies around to get ready to move them to the new location. This project is like my baby. I personally have probably stuffed over a thousand backpacks and have talked to two thousand kids. I have seen the impact the project has on the neighborhood. I have hugged other volunteers. If you are struggling this year, I encourage you to come out. If you have extra to give, please give it wisely.
Below is my personal best list of places to buy back to school items. I have listed the item, where I bought it, and what I paid. Good luck mommys and daddys and happy shopping.
24 pk Crayola crayons, Kroger, .25
Scissors, Wal-mart, .76
index cards, Kroger, .15
15 pack glue sticks, Big Lots, 1.60
Pencil Box, Wal-mart, .46
Pencils, Big Lots, .15
Notebooks, Wal-mart, .20
Folders w/prongs, Wal-mart .15
Dry Erase Markers 4 pack, Dollar Tree, 1.00
Ziplock Bags Gal and quart size, Dollar Tree, 1.00
Back Packs, Big Lots, 7.00 (on a side note Wal-mart has some younger style ones for 5.00 however my experience last year with that brand says to avoid at all costs)
Markers, Wal-mart, .45
Clothing:
3 pack of girls socks at dollar tree was duh a dollar, they also have boys socks and long socks for fall/spring for girls
underwear, 3pk at Big Lots was just 2.00
All the children's clothing items were purchased at a combination of Goodwill, Faith Mission Store, Salvation Army, Resale Shops, Going out of Business sales, and garage sales. Everything I bought was name-brand, in style, and either like new or new. People assume I am both married and rich usually when we go out in the fall and winter. In the summer my kids tend to be less careful about the condition their attire gets into, although it all starts out nice.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Get The Picture, Then Hang These Words On Your Wall
Welcome to my true story of the day rant. I run into baby daddy at what he referred to as "his Wal-Mart" and we decided (mutually) to venture to IHOP and get some breakfast with our little man. That part is not the rant, I am coming there. I get a text message that says simply, "Hi!". I send one back, "Good morning. What are you doing?" In return I get a message to the extent of I'm bored send me a pic. So I send him a lovely picture of me and my youngest daughter I took the day before. In return I get two responses.
For those of you that tune in often to my blog, you are well aware that men often send me pictures that they wouldn't send their grandma. I got one of those this morning. Baby daddy knew immediately by the look on my face what I got a pic of as I only seem to get them when he is around. (Better timing is requested guys. (Only because I need more to write about though)) Mid baby daddy lecture about stopping conversations with men that send me such things I got the second text. It read, "You look really hot, but it would have been better without your daughter." That my friends will make me stop talking to you. Forever.
You see my kids are in my picture. They are in my present. They are in my future. This also means that all future pictures include all 5 of my children.
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In this picture we have Skye (4), Manda (5), Austin (8 months), Sydney (5), and Christopher (7)
You should be so lucky as to be allowed to know my kids. My kids are not only cute, but they are smart, funny, creative, loving, and kind. My kids are the first thing I would want to see every morning and kiss goodnight. Choosing between having a man or having my kids, I will always choose my kids.
Often men will tell me I am lucky they are even taking me out because of my kids. they make me feel like rather than my greatest asset, my kids are my greatest downfall. Yes, they are a responsibility. They are a responsibility that one person is not only capable of handling, but is handling very well. They are well fed. They are healthy. They have 3 swimsuits each, 17 outfits each, 7 pairs of jammys each too many shoes to fit on a rack and tons of toys. I didn't borrow money for any of it. Yes, I do get food stamps. I work. I am not ashamed that I have to be able to feed my children and $63 dollars a week in child support won't even buy one of them all their school supplies, let alone food.
You see men, you mention my kids in anyway less than flattering and this single mom will not be taking you on a single date. I will not be removing my kids from any pictures. If you are lucky enough to be in any picture with my amazing kids take it as a blessing. If you are so lucky that you get to be considered for the job of step-father, take it. You see my greatest joy is knowing that my 5 kids can make a difference in this world. Part of the joy in this is knowing that I am responsible for instilling their morals and values and helping them establish a life path. How many guys out there can actually say they have the power to help change the world? Marry me and you get to do that.
I am not desperate. I am picky. I have a list, but remember so do my kids. My Sydney prays every night for a new daddy, because she hates the one she has. She doesn't know I hear her, but I do. So does God. Sydney, one day you will be old enough to read this and I just want you to know, one day some man will be lucky enough to be a part of your life. You may never get the dad you pray for, but I am praying too. I am praying that one day you will marry a good man and he will be the father to your kids that you may or may not get.
In conclusion, if you want me (even in a picture) expect my kids. Unlike a married family with kids from both people together, my kids go away every other weekend so you would be blessed with some alone time with me. I know it's a commitment. I take it seriously. Please do the same.
For those of you that tune in often to my blog, you are well aware that men often send me pictures that they wouldn't send their grandma. I got one of those this morning. Baby daddy knew immediately by the look on my face what I got a pic of as I only seem to get them when he is around. (Better timing is requested guys. (Only because I need more to write about though)) Mid baby daddy lecture about stopping conversations with men that send me such things I got the second text. It read, "You look really hot, but it would have been better without your daughter." That my friends will make me stop talking to you. Forever.
You see my kids are in my picture. They are in my present. They are in my future. This also means that all future pictures include all 5 of my children.
You should be so lucky as to be allowed to know my kids. My kids are not only cute, but they are smart, funny, creative, loving, and kind. My kids are the first thing I would want to see every morning and kiss goodnight. Choosing between having a man or having my kids, I will always choose my kids.
Often men will tell me I am lucky they are even taking me out because of my kids. they make me feel like rather than my greatest asset, my kids are my greatest downfall. Yes, they are a responsibility. They are a responsibility that one person is not only capable of handling, but is handling very well. They are well fed. They are healthy. They have 3 swimsuits each, 17 outfits each, 7 pairs of jammys each too many shoes to fit on a rack and tons of toys. I didn't borrow money for any of it. Yes, I do get food stamps. I work. I am not ashamed that I have to be able to feed my children and $63 dollars a week in child support won't even buy one of them all their school supplies, let alone food.
You see men, you mention my kids in anyway less than flattering and this single mom will not be taking you on a single date. I will not be removing my kids from any pictures. If you are lucky enough to be in any picture with my amazing kids take it as a blessing. If you are so lucky that you get to be considered for the job of step-father, take it. You see my greatest joy is knowing that my 5 kids can make a difference in this world. Part of the joy in this is knowing that I am responsible for instilling their morals and values and helping them establish a life path. How many guys out there can actually say they have the power to help change the world? Marry me and you get to do that.
I am not desperate. I am picky. I have a list, but remember so do my kids. My Sydney prays every night for a new daddy, because she hates the one she has. She doesn't know I hear her, but I do. So does God. Sydney, one day you will be old enough to read this and I just want you to know, one day some man will be lucky enough to be a part of your life. You may never get the dad you pray for, but I am praying too. I am praying that one day you will marry a good man and he will be the father to your kids that you may or may not get.
In conclusion, if you want me (even in a picture) expect my kids. Unlike a married family with kids from both people together, my kids go away every other weekend so you would be blessed with some alone time with me. I know it's a commitment. I take it seriously. Please do the same.
Friday, July 15, 2011
I'm Bored, Let's Have Sex!!!
I just knew you would click this one. You see, whenever a woman says, "sex", men come running to see if she is willing and ready to do so with him.
This is really a 2 part blog combined into one. Lately, I have been personally dealing with questions about my relationships (both past and present) with men. I have some truly amazing men in my life at this moment, unfortunately I don't think that any of them are ready to be a portion of the lives of 5 kids. (This is not a pity-party style blog. I am not hear to evoke pity, or to hear how sorry you all are that maybe I am not going to find a husband anytime soon if ever! I am an extraordinary person, loving, caring, considerate, hard-working and a great mom. If those are the only things I get to be for the rest of my life, I will rejoice in that.)
Part 1 of this blog goes something like this, I wanted to know why I haven't really connected with anyone this year. (This is the part of the blog inspired by the amazing blog of Gavin Fisher. See told you I was dedicating a blog to you.)
So here is the deal, finding a guy is like going to the meat market. We all have those things we are looking for. Thing one (for me anyways) is the right amount of fat. I personally like my meat with a bit of flavor so a piece of beef that is too lean is out of the question. Likewise, I am not trying to clog an artery, so a giant fatty piece of meat won't work either. (Yes, lots of parenthesis in this blog, and yes, I am eluding to what I am looking for when picking out a man. Maybe it's rude to say no fatties, but this woman knows what she wants!) I am also looking for a steak of highest quality. I am not going out with money to buy a steak and returning with a hamburger. I want my steak to come from a good home with lots of free time for the cow to roam. I want the cow to know I especially selected to eat this cow and not any other cows for a reason. I had a special connection to that cow in that place and time.
A lot of guys I have been talking to (cough, cough you know who you are) having been telling me this lie that the girl has to have a pretty face. While this may be true, (no butter faces) I know that no man is going to bother to look at the face of a woman that doesn't meet his personal standard of fatness. Every guy has one. I just discussed this very thing with my brother. He was told to pick out two women, one pushing thick (ie for those of you that don't know thick is still "effable" like not too fat to hit after a few beers) and the other woman had to be pushing fat. Blah, blah, blah, medical conditions could have made these girls fat and it's not very nice to say. I am NOT being nice, but I will be HONEST. He found both these women in a short matter of time. If the one girl gained even 5lbs he would no longer touch her. It's rude and degrading, but at least it gave me a goal.
I don't want to ever be excluded based on the fact that I am too fat. So, I started running. I had to walk past a public pool with my kids to get to the local track to "run". (I tried to run, but my pants kept falling down. True story.) It was so hot and all my kids kept saying was that they would rather swim, until we saw him. There with his feet in the kiddie pool was a monster of a man. Not only could I count his rolls, but I could also see his crack. At this point, knowing my kids, I knew that they were also thinking, "I get why mommy wants to run." So we went around and around on that track.
In the fair scheme of things, yes, we all look at faces too. I like blue or green eyes. I hate noses that are too big, teeth that are obviously missing and/or gold, and unibrows. Men if I must wax my eyebrows for you, please do some maintence on yours, just saying. I like brown hair. I have dated a grand total of 2 blondes and really have never been that attracted to red heads. It's a personal preference and to each their own.
So now on to part 2. There is nothing to do around here but go to a bar or have sex. Maybe even some might first go to a bar then have sex. Those truly daring may even have bar sex. Let's face it. We are in our 20's. There are about 4 forms of entertainment in Elkhart. Bars, roller rinks, movies and bowling alleys get old. No straight man wants to go shopping. It's not just a problem at our age.
We wonder why so many teens are getting pregnant. They have nothing better to do. Mommy and daddy now must both work to support a family, or if it's a single parent household, often one parent works two jobs. This leave the house open and free for our kids to have sex simply because, "There is nothing on tv."
Let's just say for one minute that the same 4 things didn't get old. Those 4 things get expensive quickly. 8 dollars a person just to skate for a couple hours, means that for my family of 6, we would spend $48 on one night of entertainment. (Good thing we have bread and geese around here.) Movies and snacks are even more....etc...ect...down the line.
This also means since we are all broke we are inviting the temptation of staying home and getting a redbox into our lives. While cheap entertainment is good, it is also inviting the temptation of sex into our living rooms. The movie sucks, so you start making out and the next thing you know, you are in bad next to each other wondering why you got so bored.
On a very direct note, this is not me. I am writing this in response to discovering yet another teen in my children's family was pregnant. Sex belongs inside a ltr preferably marriage. I would never do anything to compromise the mental/emotional health of my children and that means THIS MOM is making good decisions for herself.
Then, 9 months later you have a child and you are NEVER bored again. One day, even though you had every intention of moving to a big city, your child will still be living here with you in the boring city and will also being having the same stupid sex you had out of boredom and fake love.
We need to change this now. I want my children to be active. I want them to volunteer. I want them to have more to do than be broke, live in a boring city and have sex. I want them to find a steak and take it to a new and exciting place to live where they can have all the sex they want in their marriage.
So now you have two thoughts. I am obsessed with boring sex, and I want a steak. If I could have both, life would be perfect.
This is really a 2 part blog combined into one. Lately, I have been personally dealing with questions about my relationships (both past and present) with men. I have some truly amazing men in my life at this moment, unfortunately I don't think that any of them are ready to be a portion of the lives of 5 kids. (This is not a pity-party style blog. I am not hear to evoke pity, or to hear how sorry you all are that maybe I am not going to find a husband anytime soon if ever! I am an extraordinary person, loving, caring, considerate, hard-working and a great mom. If those are the only things I get to be for the rest of my life, I will rejoice in that.)
Part 1 of this blog goes something like this, I wanted to know why I haven't really connected with anyone this year. (This is the part of the blog inspired by the amazing blog of Gavin Fisher. See told you I was dedicating a blog to you.)
So here is the deal, finding a guy is like going to the meat market. We all have those things we are looking for. Thing one (for me anyways) is the right amount of fat. I personally like my meat with a bit of flavor so a piece of beef that is too lean is out of the question. Likewise, I am not trying to clog an artery, so a giant fatty piece of meat won't work either. (Yes, lots of parenthesis in this blog, and yes, I am eluding to what I am looking for when picking out a man. Maybe it's rude to say no fatties, but this woman knows what she wants!) I am also looking for a steak of highest quality. I am not going out with money to buy a steak and returning with a hamburger. I want my steak to come from a good home with lots of free time for the cow to roam. I want the cow to know I especially selected to eat this cow and not any other cows for a reason. I had a special connection to that cow in that place and time.
A lot of guys I have been talking to (cough, cough you know who you are) having been telling me this lie that the girl has to have a pretty face. While this may be true, (no butter faces) I know that no man is going to bother to look at the face of a woman that doesn't meet his personal standard of fatness. Every guy has one. I just discussed this very thing with my brother. He was told to pick out two women, one pushing thick (ie for those of you that don't know thick is still "effable" like not too fat to hit after a few beers) and the other woman had to be pushing fat. Blah, blah, blah, medical conditions could have made these girls fat and it's not very nice to say. I am NOT being nice, but I will be HONEST. He found both these women in a short matter of time. If the one girl gained even 5lbs he would no longer touch her. It's rude and degrading, but at least it gave me a goal.
I don't want to ever be excluded based on the fact that I am too fat. So, I started running. I had to walk past a public pool with my kids to get to the local track to "run". (I tried to run, but my pants kept falling down. True story.) It was so hot and all my kids kept saying was that they would rather swim, until we saw him. There with his feet in the kiddie pool was a monster of a man. Not only could I count his rolls, but I could also see his crack. At this point, knowing my kids, I knew that they were also thinking, "I get why mommy wants to run." So we went around and around on that track.
In the fair scheme of things, yes, we all look at faces too. I like blue or green eyes. I hate noses that are too big, teeth that are obviously missing and/or gold, and unibrows. Men if I must wax my eyebrows for you, please do some maintence on yours, just saying. I like brown hair. I have dated a grand total of 2 blondes and really have never been that attracted to red heads. It's a personal preference and to each their own.
So now on to part 2. There is nothing to do around here but go to a bar or have sex. Maybe even some might first go to a bar then have sex. Those truly daring may even have bar sex. Let's face it. We are in our 20's. There are about 4 forms of entertainment in Elkhart. Bars, roller rinks, movies and bowling alleys get old. No straight man wants to go shopping. It's not just a problem at our age.
We wonder why so many teens are getting pregnant. They have nothing better to do. Mommy and daddy now must both work to support a family, or if it's a single parent household, often one parent works two jobs. This leave the house open and free for our kids to have sex simply because, "There is nothing on tv."
Let's just say for one minute that the same 4 things didn't get old. Those 4 things get expensive quickly. 8 dollars a person just to skate for a couple hours, means that for my family of 6, we would spend $48 on one night of entertainment. (Good thing we have bread and geese around here.) Movies and snacks are even more....etc...ect...down the line.
This also means since we are all broke we are inviting the temptation of staying home and getting a redbox into our lives. While cheap entertainment is good, it is also inviting the temptation of sex into our living rooms. The movie sucks, so you start making out and the next thing you know, you are in bad next to each other wondering why you got so bored.
On a very direct note, this is not me. I am writing this in response to discovering yet another teen in my children's family was pregnant. Sex belongs inside a ltr preferably marriage. I would never do anything to compromise the mental/emotional health of my children and that means THIS MOM is making good decisions for herself.
Then, 9 months later you have a child and you are NEVER bored again. One day, even though you had every intention of moving to a big city, your child will still be living here with you in the boring city and will also being having the same stupid sex you had out of boredom and fake love.
We need to change this now. I want my children to be active. I want them to volunteer. I want them to have more to do than be broke, live in a boring city and have sex. I want them to find a steak and take it to a new and exciting place to live where they can have all the sex they want in their marriage.
So now you have two thoughts. I am obsessed with boring sex, and I want a steak. If I could have both, life would be perfect.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Things That Bother Me
Many of you that know me well would say that I am very opinionated. That is a bit of an understatement. I am honest and blunt. During the course of this summer many issues have come out to play. These are some of my hard-hitting rants that I think everyone will agree with, but you are all afraid to say.
We are losing our language. It is no longer an interagural part of our education. I personally believe that hand-writing will no longer be taught by the time my children graduate from high school. They are already eliminating cursive hand-writing. Besides, in a matter of years the schools will begin to realize the "text book" is also a waste. All reading materials will be read on a electronic book device. Obviously is is a much wiser investment as many are only around $100.00 now. Then it's usually around $3.00 to buy/download a book. My second grader's book rental is $162.00. Do your own math. Draw your own conclusions.
Besides just the writing portion of this, our language itself is becoming very informal. We now now use lol over a text message instead of allowing people to hear us on the phone. Every transaction is informal and if we were all smart we would realize many of the service jobs will soon be eliminated. Thus computer technichians are going to be in high demand and an education past high school will be a requirement.
We also will no longer have to think for ourselves. We have people to do that for us. If I have a question, I google it, and then I accept the answer as the truth. I believe whatever crapola I find on the internet to be very true. Not to mention that the internet porn industry shall inherit the earth. We are so corrupt now that it is one of the fastest growing and most profitable forms of computer entertainment. not to mention I can buy any accessorie for any web-based gaming on ebay. Why would I actually want the satisfaction of having a level 80 charecter when I can just buy one? People actually making a living at selling virtual items.
The next thing that has been eating at me is flavored milk. White milk is not an option at school usually. It's a chocolate milk place. Flavored milk adds instant calories and an unnescessary desire for sweets. If white milk was the only choice I promise you, kids would drink it. I also think water should be a considered option. Most children are not drinking enough water. Not every child can drink milk, I know I still can't drink milk without getting sick.
Our kids are also obese. It's never the skinny parents with the morribly obese child, it's always the fat parents. Fat parents lead by example. When I see a 4 year old with boobies and fat rolls I know that the parent is being neglectful. They not only are not limiting their child's food intake, but they are not encouraging their activeness either. A parent is a child's first teacher, teach by example!
While I am on parenting, please don't allow your child to openly cuss. It's not only disrespectful, but it only makes you look ignorant. I know my children have cussed previously, but it is not coming from my household and the situation is always taken care of.
Futhermore, don't dress your child in rags while you are walking around with name brand swag. True story, there are 3 little boys in my neighborhood that wear flannel long sleeve pajamas in 90 degree weather all summer. Thus, I assumed the family was poor. Then I saw their mother. Her nails alone must have cost $45.00. She was in all name brand clothing, hair done, and carrying a designer purse. I wanted to smack her. My kids have never gone without.
Finally, don't ask someone on a date assuming they are there for the purpose of giving you sex. You know you don't want kids, so please don't ask a single mom out. See most of us are looking for soemone we could fall in love with. I will not love you if you are not going to love my kids. Don't waste my time or yours. Be a friend. This single mom is not putting out anytime soon.
We are losing our language. It is no longer an interagural part of our education. I personally believe that hand-writing will no longer be taught by the time my children graduate from high school. They are already eliminating cursive hand-writing. Besides, in a matter of years the schools will begin to realize the "text book" is also a waste. All reading materials will be read on a electronic book device. Obviously is is a much wiser investment as many are only around $100.00 now. Then it's usually around $3.00 to buy/download a book. My second grader's book rental is $162.00. Do your own math. Draw your own conclusions.
Besides just the writing portion of this, our language itself is becoming very informal. We now now use lol over a text message instead of allowing people to hear us on the phone. Every transaction is informal and if we were all smart we would realize many of the service jobs will soon be eliminated. Thus computer technichians are going to be in high demand and an education past high school will be a requirement.
We also will no longer have to think for ourselves. We have people to do that for us. If I have a question, I google it, and then I accept the answer as the truth. I believe whatever crapola I find on the internet to be very true. Not to mention that the internet porn industry shall inherit the earth. We are so corrupt now that it is one of the fastest growing and most profitable forms of computer entertainment. not to mention I can buy any accessorie for any web-based gaming on ebay. Why would I actually want the satisfaction of having a level 80 charecter when I can just buy one? People actually making a living at selling virtual items.
The next thing that has been eating at me is flavored milk. White milk is not an option at school usually. It's a chocolate milk place. Flavored milk adds instant calories and an unnescessary desire for sweets. If white milk was the only choice I promise you, kids would drink it. I also think water should be a considered option. Most children are not drinking enough water. Not every child can drink milk, I know I still can't drink milk without getting sick.
Our kids are also obese. It's never the skinny parents with the morribly obese child, it's always the fat parents. Fat parents lead by example. When I see a 4 year old with boobies and fat rolls I know that the parent is being neglectful. They not only are not limiting their child's food intake, but they are not encouraging their activeness either. A parent is a child's first teacher, teach by example!
While I am on parenting, please don't allow your child to openly cuss. It's not only disrespectful, but it only makes you look ignorant. I know my children have cussed previously, but it is not coming from my household and the situation is always taken care of.
Futhermore, don't dress your child in rags while you are walking around with name brand swag. True story, there are 3 little boys in my neighborhood that wear flannel long sleeve pajamas in 90 degree weather all summer. Thus, I assumed the family was poor. Then I saw their mother. Her nails alone must have cost $45.00. She was in all name brand clothing, hair done, and carrying a designer purse. I wanted to smack her. My kids have never gone without.
Finally, don't ask someone on a date assuming they are there for the purpose of giving you sex. You know you don't want kids, so please don't ask a single mom out. See most of us are looking for soemone we could fall in love with. I will not love you if you are not going to love my kids. Don't waste my time or yours. Be a friend. This single mom is not putting out anytime soon.
5 Stages
She's dead. Like so many children that die every year, we still don't know for certain why she died. What I do know for sure is that I am a mom. I love, adore, and cherish my children. If one of my children died, no matter the reason behind it, I have no idea how I would act.
I would hope that I would not become some horrible monster. I would hope I didn't begin a self-destructive binge of alcohol, drugs and lies to cover up for the drugs and alcohol. At the same time, I would hope that I wouldn't sit inside alone with my tears unable to talk or cope with the situation. As you may have guessed, I am about to make some of you extremely angry by what I am going to say next. Please understand, this is not a justification of anything that occurred or the way it occurred. I believe in Justice. I also believe in truth. For Caylee Anthony, I don't know that she will ever just either on this earth. To be clear, none of us, NO ONE, except for Caylee and Casey really can know what happened. Also KNOW, this is JUST a theory. It is in no way defending the horrific death of an innocent girl. I have daughters too. I have 3 beautiful small daughters, and someone ever took their life I honestly don't know what I would do.
As I have said before, the greatest lies we tell our the ones we tell ourselves. We use the lies to cope, to hide, or to escape pressure from others. Unfortunately, she may not know why she lied. We all lie everyday, and is only a fine line between sanity and insanity and few know what it will take to cross it. The first stage of grief is DENIAL. When we deny something ultimately we are lying, not just to others, but mostly to ourselves. Some of us escape from reality now by drinking and partying. We using alcohol to forget our looming reality. It makes it easier to forget. Some even use sex. It's hard to experience pain when you are experiencing pleasure. As for Casey, she was out finding her escape, living her denial if you will.
Let's say for a second that Caylee had accidentally drowned in the family pool. In that same second let's say that instead of denial, Casey had went to shock first and called 911. The police get there and find her accidentally drowned lying next to the pull. Her grieving mom is soaking wet sitting next to her after jumping in after her daughter fully clothed. Would we have comforted her? Would we have cooked her a meal? Would we have used it as a reminder to ourselves that accidents happen daily so we should hug our own children extra tight? Or would we go buy a new lock for the fence around our own pools? I think that's how it would have happened. I think that's what a stable mom would have done. I think our reaction would have been sympathetic.
However, she went to denial first. So she started lying to herself first. Perhaps she was even lying to herself to such an extent that she had to make it look like a deliberate murder so she could believe her own lies as they began to surface in front of her. So she told herself her daughter was with a babysitter so she could party. She told her parents many lies. Then she lied to the police. Honestly, I think she believed her own lies. She was grieving. She was coping. She was doing whatever it took to get from one day, one hour, even one minute to the next.
Everyone has a point where their lies begin to catch up to them. They can no longer point fingers. They can no longer look away from the truth that is engulfing them. So the next stage of grief, ANGER, sets in. She begins to point fingers. She defers the blame from anyone but her, because honestly no one wants to be angry with themselves. Being angry with yourself means admitting and excepting responsibility and she is still coming off the denial stage. She can't admit that her daughter is gone, so in anger she begins pointing fingers elsewhere, like toward her parents.
So then she begins the next stage, BARGAINING. Except at this point, she is sitting in a courtroom so the ONLY people she can bargain with are the judge and jury. She did lie. She was charged, rightly so, of lying. Only she bargained her way out of murder. Maybe she did murder her daughter. It wouldn't have been the first time that has happened in this country. Then again maybe she didn't. The legal system decided, basically, that they could not decide definitively. Many innocent people have sat in jail for several years, so I had I been on that jury, and had there not been enough evidence, I would have done the same thing.
I don't think she has hit the DEPRESSION stage yet. I think that will happen when she goes home and realizes her daughter is no longer there. Then eventually, in time, she will have to ACCEPT that Caylee is not coming back. She is dead. Not her memory, but there will be no new memories with her child. She will not be heading off to school. There will be no birthday cake this year.
However, having said all I just said, Casey's true problem, her real world problem is not going to be losing her daughter. She will have to face that daily on her own anyway, but her real problem will be going out in public. Despite a jury decision, despite her possible innocence, a lot of people will want her dead. She will have to change her name, face, identity, and maybe even her location now thanks to media over-coverage. They really should be sending Casey a check, especially since no one will ever hire her again, for all the money she made all the news and information companies.
We've watched, we waited, we still have no answers, but I do have one answer. Love your children. They will change the world. If starting today, every parent, everywhere, started treating their children as if they were going to change the world, maybe the world would start to change. Maybe we would wake up 20 years from now in a safer place to live. Maybe no one would go hungry, everyone would have an education, a house, a job and health insurance. Maybe we would cure diseases and end the need for welfare. Maybe everyone would find their purpose, even if it was just to help out their fellow man as they need it. I love my kids and in honor of Caylee, my kids are going to think that starting today, they will change the world. Honestly, I hope they do.
I would hope that I would not become some horrible monster. I would hope I didn't begin a self-destructive binge of alcohol, drugs and lies to cover up for the drugs and alcohol. At the same time, I would hope that I wouldn't sit inside alone with my tears unable to talk or cope with the situation. As you may have guessed, I am about to make some of you extremely angry by what I am going to say next. Please understand, this is not a justification of anything that occurred or the way it occurred. I believe in Justice. I also believe in truth. For Caylee Anthony, I don't know that she will ever just either on this earth. To be clear, none of us, NO ONE, except for Caylee and Casey really can know what happened. Also KNOW, this is JUST a theory. It is in no way defending the horrific death of an innocent girl. I have daughters too. I have 3 beautiful small daughters, and someone ever took their life I honestly don't know what I would do.
As I have said before, the greatest lies we tell our the ones we tell ourselves. We use the lies to cope, to hide, or to escape pressure from others. Unfortunately, she may not know why she lied. We all lie everyday, and is only a fine line between sanity and insanity and few know what it will take to cross it. The first stage of grief is DENIAL. When we deny something ultimately we are lying, not just to others, but mostly to ourselves. Some of us escape from reality now by drinking and partying. We using alcohol to forget our looming reality. It makes it easier to forget. Some even use sex. It's hard to experience pain when you are experiencing pleasure. As for Casey, she was out finding her escape, living her denial if you will.
Let's say for a second that Caylee had accidentally drowned in the family pool. In that same second let's say that instead of denial, Casey had went to shock first and called 911. The police get there and find her accidentally drowned lying next to the pull. Her grieving mom is soaking wet sitting next to her after jumping in after her daughter fully clothed. Would we have comforted her? Would we have cooked her a meal? Would we have used it as a reminder to ourselves that accidents happen daily so we should hug our own children extra tight? Or would we go buy a new lock for the fence around our own pools? I think that's how it would have happened. I think that's what a stable mom would have done. I think our reaction would have been sympathetic.
However, she went to denial first. So she started lying to herself first. Perhaps she was even lying to herself to such an extent that she had to make it look like a deliberate murder so she could believe her own lies as they began to surface in front of her. So she told herself her daughter was with a babysitter so she could party. She told her parents many lies. Then she lied to the police. Honestly, I think she believed her own lies. She was grieving. She was coping. She was doing whatever it took to get from one day, one hour, even one minute to the next.
Everyone has a point where their lies begin to catch up to them. They can no longer point fingers. They can no longer look away from the truth that is engulfing them. So the next stage of grief, ANGER, sets in. She begins to point fingers. She defers the blame from anyone but her, because honestly no one wants to be angry with themselves. Being angry with yourself means admitting and excepting responsibility and she is still coming off the denial stage. She can't admit that her daughter is gone, so in anger she begins pointing fingers elsewhere, like toward her parents.
So then she begins the next stage, BARGAINING. Except at this point, she is sitting in a courtroom so the ONLY people she can bargain with are the judge and jury. She did lie. She was charged, rightly so, of lying. Only she bargained her way out of murder. Maybe she did murder her daughter. It wouldn't have been the first time that has happened in this country. Then again maybe she didn't. The legal system decided, basically, that they could not decide definitively. Many innocent people have sat in jail for several years, so I had I been on that jury, and had there not been enough evidence, I would have done the same thing.
I don't think she has hit the DEPRESSION stage yet. I think that will happen when she goes home and realizes her daughter is no longer there. Then eventually, in time, she will have to ACCEPT that Caylee is not coming back. She is dead. Not her memory, but there will be no new memories with her child. She will not be heading off to school. There will be no birthday cake this year.
However, having said all I just said, Casey's true problem, her real world problem is not going to be losing her daughter. She will have to face that daily on her own anyway, but her real problem will be going out in public. Despite a jury decision, despite her possible innocence, a lot of people will want her dead. She will have to change her name, face, identity, and maybe even her location now thanks to media over-coverage. They really should be sending Casey a check, especially since no one will ever hire her again, for all the money she made all the news and information companies.
We've watched, we waited, we still have no answers, but I do have one answer. Love your children. They will change the world. If starting today, every parent, everywhere, started treating their children as if they were going to change the world, maybe the world would start to change. Maybe we would wake up 20 years from now in a safer place to live. Maybe no one would go hungry, everyone would have an education, a house, a job and health insurance. Maybe we would cure diseases and end the need for welfare. Maybe everyone would find their purpose, even if it was just to help out their fellow man as they need it. I love my kids and in honor of Caylee, my kids are going to think that starting today, they will change the world. Honestly, I hope they do.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
To My BFF
Dear Alisha,
You are about to embark on the greatest journey of your life. You are going to be in pain lots and lots of pain. You are going to forget to breathe, feel like you have to take a massive shit, and then push a pineapple through a lemon hole. Don't worry it gets better, I promise.
Meeting your daughter is like having an Internet boyfriend for 9 months. You've never met them and looked them directly in the face, but you feel like you have truly gotten to know them over those 9 months. No matter what you plan for, think you know, or dream of, actually meeting your daughter will not be as you planned. There are no words to describe the love you will feel for the tiny, bloody human they place on, instead of in your stomach for the first time. The emotions are over-whelming. You have spent nine months in expectation of what she will look like, how much you will love her, and how your life will change. She will exceed your every expectation.
I was once told that having a baby would change me. I didn't expect a total transformation. I got one though. When I took my son home everything became a hazard. Will he pull the bookcase on his head? Will he bite the electrical wires? Will he find the knife drawer and carve our turkey in my sleep? Ultimately one day you will realize that not everything will kill her. You won't knock her umbilical cord off on accident. You won't be so tired you fall asleep while giving her a bath. She's not going to die of diaper rash.
You will spend months waiting for each milestone. Each accomplishment will become your accomplishment. When she crawls, you will brag to the world that she is crawling. Just remember that the pains she feels will hurt worse than your own pain. So the first time she takes a step and face-plants, you may cry too. You will focus so much on every aspect of her life, that eventually you will see the world differently. Everything she knows will come from you. Just remember, for everything you teach her, she will teach you two things.
She will trust everyone. So teach her that people (especially men) lie. Also, teach her to be honest despite the deceit around her. Show her love. Tell her you love her daily. Give her kisses and hugs, even when she thinks she is too old.
All too soon she will be walking up to pre-school with a back-pack, a new outfit, and depending on her personality, tears or a giant smile. Christopher pushed me away and didn't need me anymore that day. I didn't do it there, but I got in the van and absolutely bawled. Then the next year she will be boarding a giant yellow bus. The day will be full of pictures and tears. That's about what I know as my oldest will only be turning 8 soon.
The other stuff I know is that there is no right way to be a mom. There is only your way and everybody else's way. You will get a ton of unsolicited advice. You will have to decide which advice to use. Sometimes you will need advice. Don't hesitate to get it. Make good choices when possible. Someday you will make a mistake, when you do forgive yourself and apologize to her. Stand by your decisions. Stick to grounding. Be firm, but know when to have fun. Remember there is humor in even the most angering situations. So when she drops the entire carton of eggs on the kitchen floor one by one to see if they all will break, take time to take a picture. Someday, when you are older, you will be glad you did.
The most difficult part of the first year will be when you think you want to go out by yourself. You will tell yourself you want some me time, but you will spend the whole time missing her and calling the babysitter 8 times before you realize you'd rather be home.
You will cry. You will laugh. The days will fly by like you blinked and you will look into the eyes of your seven year old and remember her as the bloody screaming baby on your stomach. You will never ever forget the first time you look into her little eyes. You will count her fingers and her toes. Speaking of you will cut too far and make her bleed at least once. We all do it.
You will watch her fall and not catch her in time. Some boy will hurt her and you won't be able to stop the tears. Someone will tease her, and you won't be able to kick their ass. Life will fly by and all too fast you will be calling me from the hospital after holding your grandchild and you will wonder wth happened.
Love, Jenelle
You are about to embark on the greatest journey of your life. You are going to be in pain lots and lots of pain. You are going to forget to breathe, feel like you have to take a massive shit, and then push a pineapple through a lemon hole. Don't worry it gets better, I promise.
Meeting your daughter is like having an Internet boyfriend for 9 months. You've never met them and looked them directly in the face, but you feel like you have truly gotten to know them over those 9 months. No matter what you plan for, think you know, or dream of, actually meeting your daughter will not be as you planned. There are no words to describe the love you will feel for the tiny, bloody human they place on, instead of in your stomach for the first time. The emotions are over-whelming. You have spent nine months in expectation of what she will look like, how much you will love her, and how your life will change. She will exceed your every expectation.
I was once told that having a baby would change me. I didn't expect a total transformation. I got one though. When I took my son home everything became a hazard. Will he pull the bookcase on his head? Will he bite the electrical wires? Will he find the knife drawer and carve our turkey in my sleep? Ultimately one day you will realize that not everything will kill her. You won't knock her umbilical cord off on accident. You won't be so tired you fall asleep while giving her a bath. She's not going to die of diaper rash.
You will spend months waiting for each milestone. Each accomplishment will become your accomplishment. When she crawls, you will brag to the world that she is crawling. Just remember that the pains she feels will hurt worse than your own pain. So the first time she takes a step and face-plants, you may cry too. You will focus so much on every aspect of her life, that eventually you will see the world differently. Everything she knows will come from you. Just remember, for everything you teach her, she will teach you two things.
She will trust everyone. So teach her that people (especially men) lie. Also, teach her to be honest despite the deceit around her. Show her love. Tell her you love her daily. Give her kisses and hugs, even when she thinks she is too old.
All too soon she will be walking up to pre-school with a back-pack, a new outfit, and depending on her personality, tears or a giant smile. Christopher pushed me away and didn't need me anymore that day. I didn't do it there, but I got in the van and absolutely bawled. Then the next year she will be boarding a giant yellow bus. The day will be full of pictures and tears. That's about what I know as my oldest will only be turning 8 soon.
The other stuff I know is that there is no right way to be a mom. There is only your way and everybody else's way. You will get a ton of unsolicited advice. You will have to decide which advice to use. Sometimes you will need advice. Don't hesitate to get it. Make good choices when possible. Someday you will make a mistake, when you do forgive yourself and apologize to her. Stand by your decisions. Stick to grounding. Be firm, but know when to have fun. Remember there is humor in even the most angering situations. So when she drops the entire carton of eggs on the kitchen floor one by one to see if they all will break, take time to take a picture. Someday, when you are older, you will be glad you did.
The most difficult part of the first year will be when you think you want to go out by yourself. You will tell yourself you want some me time, but you will spend the whole time missing her and calling the babysitter 8 times before you realize you'd rather be home.
You will cry. You will laugh. The days will fly by like you blinked and you will look into the eyes of your seven year old and remember her as the bloody screaming baby on your stomach. You will never ever forget the first time you look into her little eyes. You will count her fingers and her toes. Speaking of you will cut too far and make her bleed at least once. We all do it.
You will watch her fall and not catch her in time. Some boy will hurt her and you won't be able to stop the tears. Someone will tease her, and you won't be able to kick their ass. Life will fly by and all too fast you will be calling me from the hospital after holding your grandchild and you will wonder wth happened.
Love, Jenelle
Monday, July 4, 2011
Little Girls Living in a Women's World
In my own way, when I was little I tried to be more grown up. I wanted to wear mommy's shoes (although I don't think my mom has ever worn heels), I wanted to put on her lipstick, try on grandma's wigs, and prance around with a bra stuffed with socks on. I would put on a pretty dress and get my hair curled. I wanted my nails painted now and again.
I find myself doing these things with my daughters now as a mom. I give them the prettiest dresses, I curl their hair, I never hesitate to paint their nails, and yes, I have let them try on mommy's bra. None of these things have I ever found to be out of the realm of things I would allow my daughters to do.
Lately, I have been doing some shopping (ok, some is a slight underestimation) for my children's fall and winter attire. I have been bargain shopping via garage sales, the Salvation Army, and Goodwill. I even bought them some cute clearence tennis shoes at the Wal-Mart, and some dress shoes at Family Dollar. (Yes, I bought them 2 inch heels which I am about to bash myself ever so slightly) As I hold the attire up to my children to see if it looks like the right size, I began to notice some things.
Girls clothes are short. Yes, I understand that they are just kids and men are not supposed to see a short skirt on a 5 year old as a sexual attraction, but some molesters may. Far worse than the molesters however, is what my daughters have begun to expect to wear and their reasoning behind it. My daughter prefer the short/tight clothing. When asked why they explaining that it's normal, in style, and it makes them look pretty. Look pretty compared to what? I am not one to brag but my 3 little girls are absolutely gorgeous! Manda is very tan, slim, huge blue eyes, so she has thin hair and still not a lot of it, she's pretty. Sydney has white/blonde hair, freckles, porcelain skin and better muscle tone in her arms then some high school athletes. Finally, Skye has the biggest green eyes you've ever seen, an amazing smile, and full thick brown hair.
So in other words my beautiful girls are already under the impression that their clothing can make them look ugly faster than a bad attitude, uncombed hair, or being dirty. I have learned the styles that are in as to avoid the awful unpopular experience of my elementary years which carried on through school, since while I love my parents, neither has much in the way of fashion sense. My kids wear all the name brands, they are extremely well and cheaply dressed. They are so well-dressed that many assume we have money. I have never been upset to dress them as the other children are dressing until lately.
Why are they making belly shirt for little girls? Why are their short all made with a one inch inseam? Why do they have mini skirts for toddlers? What's next, thong underwear in a size 2T? I bought them some low-rise jeans, some tank tops, even a bikini or two, but a mom has to draw a line somewhere. My daughters are not sex objects. Their worries should be which color of crayons to use, being on time for the bus, if they remember to brush their teeth, or what their snack will be. They should not be concerned with what they where aside from which character is on it, or what color it is.
They even have real children's make-up now. I know that one day my girls will wish to hide behind make-up to help diminish personal insecurities as all women do. That day should be long after their 14th birthday when they still have no idea what potential they have or power they hold, but want feel like a woman. No one can get back the years of hotness they experience prior to having kids or turning 30. If I knew how pretty I was back then I wouldn't be where I am at now!
Sketchers even makes shape-ups for kids. (You know that shoe that is supposed to tone your legs and butt) They advertise it as being being in shape, but really we all know it's aimed at the slightly chunky 7 year old that has already come on board the self-destructive cycle of being teased. At 7 I can't remember anyone being made fun of for their weight. Today, my kids will just tell you if you are fat. (Kids, especially mine, don't lie about this matter) Some company even makes padded bikinis for when your 6 year old's breasts just aren't big enough. I'm all for my kids being excited about one day having boobs, although on a personal note to all little girls, bras and periods should not in any way be looked forward to. If I have to hear them ask one more time when they can have boobies though, I may just sue the entertainment industry.
Right now I am wearing size 9 pants. Ok, so it's bigger than I like. I want to be a six again, but I am experiencing some medical issues that cause me to be bloated. According to the modeling industry, size 6 is fat! You have to be a 2 to even be considered for anything but a plus-size model. Why? Most men I know find skinny girls to be too skinny. They like having a butt to admire and natural cleavage. I want my girls to know that they can look good at any size with the proper clothing. (Yes, I believe some clothes should come with a weight limit) Belly shirts and bikinis don't look good on everyone. That's why they have tankinis and one piece bathing suits and cover-ups if you're still to fat. If you are fat, I suggest you use them. I won't sugar coat it and tell you to embrace your fat rolls. I have to look at you. I wouldn't wear a bikini, so please do me the same favor.
At the same token, my 5 and 4 year olds should not worry that they ate too much ice-cream, that their birthday cake will go straight to their thighs, or that they need to work out everyday to burn off the unwanted calories they are consuming. They should be little girls. They aren't supposed to be sexy! (really what parent wants their girls to grow up and be sexy?) They are supposed to be girls.
I leave you with this: Build your daughter's self-esteem. Tell her daily she is beautiful. Congratulate her on her successes. Tell her you love her so the first boy that comes along and says it to her won't get laid. Teach her about nutrition, but don't make it a concern or the center of her life. Dress her appropriately, you buy the clothes so send a message to the clothing makers. These are our little girls, raise them right.
I find myself doing these things with my daughters now as a mom. I give them the prettiest dresses, I curl their hair, I never hesitate to paint their nails, and yes, I have let them try on mommy's bra. None of these things have I ever found to be out of the realm of things I would allow my daughters to do.
Lately, I have been doing some shopping (ok, some is a slight underestimation) for my children's fall and winter attire. I have been bargain shopping via garage sales, the Salvation Army, and Goodwill. I even bought them some cute clearence tennis shoes at the Wal-Mart, and some dress shoes at Family Dollar. (Yes, I bought them 2 inch heels which I am about to bash myself ever so slightly) As I hold the attire up to my children to see if it looks like the right size, I began to notice some things.
Girls clothes are short. Yes, I understand that they are just kids and men are not supposed to see a short skirt on a 5 year old as a sexual attraction, but some molesters may. Far worse than the molesters however, is what my daughters have begun to expect to wear and their reasoning behind it. My daughter prefer the short/tight clothing. When asked why they explaining that it's normal, in style, and it makes them look pretty. Look pretty compared to what? I am not one to brag but my 3 little girls are absolutely gorgeous! Manda is very tan, slim, huge blue eyes, so she has thin hair and still not a lot of it, she's pretty. Sydney has white/blonde hair, freckles, porcelain skin and better muscle tone in her arms then some high school athletes. Finally, Skye has the biggest green eyes you've ever seen, an amazing smile, and full thick brown hair.
So in other words my beautiful girls are already under the impression that their clothing can make them look ugly faster than a bad attitude, uncombed hair, or being dirty. I have learned the styles that are in as to avoid the awful unpopular experience of my elementary years which carried on through school, since while I love my parents, neither has much in the way of fashion sense. My kids wear all the name brands, they are extremely well and cheaply dressed. They are so well-dressed that many assume we have money. I have never been upset to dress them as the other children are dressing until lately.
Why are they making belly shirt for little girls? Why are their short all made with a one inch inseam? Why do they have mini skirts for toddlers? What's next, thong underwear in a size 2T? I bought them some low-rise jeans, some tank tops, even a bikini or two, but a mom has to draw a line somewhere. My daughters are not sex objects. Their worries should be which color of crayons to use, being on time for the bus, if they remember to brush their teeth, or what their snack will be. They should not be concerned with what they where aside from which character is on it, or what color it is.
They even have real children's make-up now. I know that one day my girls will wish to hide behind make-up to help diminish personal insecurities as all women do. That day should be long after their 14th birthday when they still have no idea what potential they have or power they hold, but want feel like a woman. No one can get back the years of hotness they experience prior to having kids or turning 30. If I knew how pretty I was back then I wouldn't be where I am at now!
Sketchers even makes shape-ups for kids. (You know that shoe that is supposed to tone your legs and butt) They advertise it as being being in shape, but really we all know it's aimed at the slightly chunky 7 year old that has already come on board the self-destructive cycle of being teased. At 7 I can't remember anyone being made fun of for their weight. Today, my kids will just tell you if you are fat. (Kids, especially mine, don't lie about this matter) Some company even makes padded bikinis for when your 6 year old's breasts just aren't big enough. I'm all for my kids being excited about one day having boobs, although on a personal note to all little girls, bras and periods should not in any way be looked forward to. If I have to hear them ask one more time when they can have boobies though, I may just sue the entertainment industry.
Right now I am wearing size 9 pants. Ok, so it's bigger than I like. I want to be a six again, but I am experiencing some medical issues that cause me to be bloated. According to the modeling industry, size 6 is fat! You have to be a 2 to even be considered for anything but a plus-size model. Why? Most men I know find skinny girls to be too skinny. They like having a butt to admire and natural cleavage. I want my girls to know that they can look good at any size with the proper clothing. (Yes, I believe some clothes should come with a weight limit) Belly shirts and bikinis don't look good on everyone. That's why they have tankinis and one piece bathing suits and cover-ups if you're still to fat. If you are fat, I suggest you use them. I won't sugar coat it and tell you to embrace your fat rolls. I have to look at you. I wouldn't wear a bikini, so please do me the same favor.
At the same token, my 5 and 4 year olds should not worry that they ate too much ice-cream, that their birthday cake will go straight to their thighs, or that they need to work out everyday to burn off the unwanted calories they are consuming. They should be little girls. They aren't supposed to be sexy! (really what parent wants their girls to grow up and be sexy?) They are supposed to be girls.
I leave you with this: Build your daughter's self-esteem. Tell her daily she is beautiful. Congratulate her on her successes. Tell her you love her so the first boy that comes along and says it to her won't get laid. Teach her about nutrition, but don't make it a concern or the center of her life. Dress her appropriately, you buy the clothes so send a message to the clothing makers. These are our little girls, raise them right.
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