Everyone is so fake. Yes, those of you in a relationship I called you out. Your man does not make the sunshine. Nor, is he truly the best thing to ever happen to you. Let's just call the kettle black. You often find his skid-marked underwear left in the middle of the bedroom floor, the wet towel from tis morning dropped beside the toilet that he frequently misses and when you are taking he shower is the time he normally decides to take a healthy dump. Yes, you happy relationship people, QUIT LYING!!!!!
This leads me to my good friend, Happy Bunny. He doesn't lie. I know, I am wearing his shirt. I am actually quite proud to have bought it for myself. It's a glittery screen printed picture of him in a Santa hat saying, "I've been naughty. So what?" LOL right? I am also a huge fan of other things that he likes to say:
Love. It's just like hate, but somebody gets candy.
They're books. Unless you don't read, then their coasters.
It's all about me. Deal with it!
School prepares you for the real world which also sucks.
You smell like butt.
You're ugly and that's funny.
hi. loser.
I did it, but I'm blaming you.
it's ok if you want to drop dead
I love dumb people. It's fun to watch them trip.
Hating you makes me all warm inside.
I have a dream and in it something eats you.
I just realized, I don't care.
Your anger makes me happy.
Boys lie and kind of stink.
I hear the other ucky people calling you.
Now, these are all things I have thought at one time or another. I will admit it. You probably won't and I will be the first to tell you that that is called denial. So, I am going to break down his thoughts for you.
All relationships are based on the same principle: we love hating each other. A marriage occurs when two people agree to put up with each other until they divorce. Sad? Nah. Reality? Ya, probably. What would happen if we all just said what we really thought from day one. I will give you all the following account of what I not only am looking for, but what I know I won't find. Therefore I know that I will be comprising my own selfish desires should I find anyone that is almost as awesome as me. Yes, I am mean, deal with it.
If you are lucky enough to be allowed to touch me, I want candy. Yes, I read so don't assume you can give me an insult as a compliment and expect me to fall for a jerk. I want to be the center of the universe. Make me feel like I am, and I will pretend like you are the center of mine, but we will both know it's all about me. I am educated, both in the schools and in the streets. You won't be able to use me, or outsmart me. Think you are playing me, guess again cause I bet you are already being played. You smell. Shower daily. I do. You should too. If you are a loser i.e. you live with your mom, don't have your own car, haven't worked in a long time, can't pay to take me out, and/or have a bad relationship with your baby mama on account of you being a deadbeat, don't look at me. I don't hang out with losers, let alone date them. The second you do something to make me dislike you, everything you do will begin to annoy me more. If we break up, we can be friends. Friends don't fool around. Friends don't continue to tell each other how in love they are with me. If your friends are stupid, you probably are too. My friends are some of the most awesome people on the planet, especially my guy friends. Don't like my friends, get lost cause they're not going anywhere. Jealous of my guy friends, get over it or get gone, cause I am not leaving them for a man. I am not always going to look like this. Sometimes I will look super hot. Other times, not so much. If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best. Sometimes I am going to leave my dirty laundry around the house just to see if you will whine and/or pick it up for me. I will cook for you. If I burn it, you better eat it with a smile or buy us both a pizza. You bring me Chinese, I will fall in love with you. You show up empty handed, you better be really cute!!!
Ya, so if you are still reading this, you now know why I am still single. You may have also figured out I am tired of settling. If a Happy Bunny philosophy applies to you, then we probably won't date. If you think this was funny, please share me with your friends.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
My Thanks
For those of you that are avid readers, you are very aware that I use my blog as a tool to complain . This blog is a more accurate depiction of who I am. This is rare, so please stand up and take notice. Today I am writing on what I am thankful for with a twist.
I am thankful for the usual things, food, family, laughter, friends, and a place over head. However, I am also thankful for the things that have gone wrong in the last 2 years. I am thankful that I got left at 8.5 months pregnant. It has made me stronger and a better mom. It has pushed me to new levels of emotional strength and courage I didn't know existed within me. It has brought me great joy and hope. Once he left, I was free to connect with a ton of guys I am now proud to say are a great and understanding support system and I adore having the ability to have friends of the opposite sex without jealousy or trust issues. These men have also given me the ability to trust men again after a series of finding losers and boys. Thanks guys.
The shooting outside my building in front of my kids has showed me that life is precious. It gave me the opportunity to evaluate how we are living and where we are living. Are my kids going to pack heat at 12? I would like to think not and this awarded me the opportunity to have a series of serious discussions with my kids about bringing unnecessary drama into their lives. We also had the talk about drugs and prayer and the importance of faith directly because of this incident. Two of my children accepted Jesus and began regularly reading the Bible with me directly because of this.
I had all the money stolen off my debit card last year while giving birth to Austin. I never got any of it back. I know who did it, and I figure and am seeing this person reap what they sewed. I continued on doing what I had to do and made do with less. This included not having a contribution from my son's father. I learned to make my own laundry soap, dish cleaners, shampoo and toothpaste. We use coupons. I save a ton of money now thanks to the inconsideration of another. Now when we do have more money coming in, I will be able to save more and provide better. We will depend less on others while having more to contribute to society. One day we are going to adopt a family and give back the gifts given to us when we went without.
I have had several people that I lost as friends due to a poor choice of a relationship come back and share with me the power of forgiveness and friendship. Not every broken friendship needs super glue to repair, sometimes a simple "I'm sorry." is enough.
Mostly these last two years have made me appreciate that I control only myself. A lot of bad happens around us. A lot of bad shouldn't have to effect us. Only I can control my reactions to the situations around me. I can't control the actions of others and as a result I have learned when to let go, when to forgive, and who doesn't deserve my time. I have made friends that make my life interesting or better. I have gotten rid of those that create drama, that harbor anger, and that add weight to my load. I have learned that family are not the people you are born into, but rather the people that choose to remain in your life. Love is a choice and a verb. Love is meant to be shared. This Thanksgiving, I am thankful most for you. You take the time to read my blogs and live within my life. I love you all.
I am thankful for the usual things, food, family, laughter, friends, and a place over head. However, I am also thankful for the things that have gone wrong in the last 2 years. I am thankful that I got left at 8.5 months pregnant. It has made me stronger and a better mom. It has pushed me to new levels of emotional strength and courage I didn't know existed within me. It has brought me great joy and hope. Once he left, I was free to connect with a ton of guys I am now proud to say are a great and understanding support system and I adore having the ability to have friends of the opposite sex without jealousy or trust issues. These men have also given me the ability to trust men again after a series of finding losers and boys. Thanks guys.
The shooting outside my building in front of my kids has showed me that life is precious. It gave me the opportunity to evaluate how we are living and where we are living. Are my kids going to pack heat at 12? I would like to think not and this awarded me the opportunity to have a series of serious discussions with my kids about bringing unnecessary drama into their lives. We also had the talk about drugs and prayer and the importance of faith directly because of this incident. Two of my children accepted Jesus and began regularly reading the Bible with me directly because of this.
I had all the money stolen off my debit card last year while giving birth to Austin. I never got any of it back. I know who did it, and I figure and am seeing this person reap what they sewed. I continued on doing what I had to do and made do with less. This included not having a contribution from my son's father. I learned to make my own laundry soap, dish cleaners, shampoo and toothpaste. We use coupons. I save a ton of money now thanks to the inconsideration of another. Now when we do have more money coming in, I will be able to save more and provide better. We will depend less on others while having more to contribute to society. One day we are going to adopt a family and give back the gifts given to us when we went without.
I have had several people that I lost as friends due to a poor choice of a relationship come back and share with me the power of forgiveness and friendship. Not every broken friendship needs super glue to repair, sometimes a simple "I'm sorry." is enough.
Mostly these last two years have made me appreciate that I control only myself. A lot of bad happens around us. A lot of bad shouldn't have to effect us. Only I can control my reactions to the situations around me. I can't control the actions of others and as a result I have learned when to let go, when to forgive, and who doesn't deserve my time. I have made friends that make my life interesting or better. I have gotten rid of those that create drama, that harbor anger, and that add weight to my load. I have learned that family are not the people you are born into, but rather the people that choose to remain in your life. Love is a choice and a verb. Love is meant to be shared. This Thanksgiving, I am thankful most for you. You take the time to read my blogs and live within my life. I love you all.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
You are Excused from My Life, Sex, Money, Jobs and Much More
I have been watching this show on the CW called "Excused". For those of you that haven't seen it, two people of the same gender sit inside a house while people of the opposite gender come to the door and try to be let in. People are either accepted or dismissed based solely on a first impression. At first I hated it. It was so obvious that only the "typical attractive" people were going to be allowed inside. Ultimately, at the end the better looking of the 2 inside would be chosen by whoever was not excused.
This show really got me thinking though. How many people have we or do we dismiss from our lives based solely on a first impression? How many times have we despite our better judgement let someone in and found out that that person was truly amazing? Or how many people have we missed out on getting to know? How many people have missed out on knowing us? And finally what first impression are we truly giving off?
Let's start with my first question. I meet new people daily. I make an instant judgement about everyone without even realizing it. There is a personal checklist in my mind as I am certain there is in yours as well. Here are my basic credential list:
Do they smell? (Yes hunny, if you smell I will run as far the other way as possible. I am not ashamed of public gagging over extreme body odors either. Shower and use soap. Wash your clothes. I do, and I have a lot more going on than you.)
Are they attractive? (This works in multiple ways. If a girl I meet is attractive, it is then placed in to categories. All of us do this, so let me just admit it. If she is hotter then me, the next question becomes whether or not she is also single, ie competition. I hate being a second choice, just as any girl does. If she is less pretty, then is she single becomes important because it gives you confidence when you do go out with her. Girls like being the one getting hit on. We hate being the ugly friend. When we meet a man we also do this, except we put him in one of 3 categories: boyfriend material, date material, or friend. This is instant. Yes, we know what you are going to be to us almost always immediately and it's rare for you to change out of one of these groups. If you are put in the friend zone, either you're ugly, or you look poor. On a personal note money doesn't matter to me and I will date a poor guy with potential. Most girls will not.)
Do they have money? (This determines the whole course of your relationship. I am poor, dirt poor. I feel bad going out with people with money. This works in reverse too I am sure.)
Where are they from? (This last one has proven me wrong many times. I have friends of all races, but ghetto is not a race thing. You are either educated or not. It comes across in how you present yourself.)
Once I have a baseline grip on you I either disregard the conversation and move on to another more interesting person, facebook you, or exchange numbers which means we may actually hang out again in real life.
Where I live, first impressions of children are the most accurate indicators of the parents. Kids that have poor grammar, smell bad, are dressed poorly, and cuss a lot are always products of ignorant, uncaring and rude parents. Clean, happy kids, with clean clothes usually have parents I like and will continue to have play-dates with.
On to the big question, what first impression am I giving off. I really could careless what I have on. I shower and brush my hair, that should be good enough. My kids are clean, well-fed, and go everywhere with me. Some view that as responsible, some view it as I have too many kids all alone so there is something wrong with me. I have learned that the people that are bothered by my children are not people I would want to associate with anyways.
I think often once people get to know others they will discover certain aspects beyond appearances. For example, skinny and beautiful girls are often the most insecure. Bigger girls tend to accept themselves and have more confidence. The opposite is true in guys. Athletic, attractive men know it and brag about it. They often make the girl feel like if they don't date them, then the girl is missing out. I dated 2 men like that. One was actually hot, the other just thought he was to the point that he makes others believe it.
If it were only for first impressions, I would not be holding Austin as I type this. I had no attraction to his daddy whatsoever, but I made the mistake of giving him a chance, falling in love with his words, and watching him try to do it again to his current married girlfriend. It's sad because I know I will never fall out of love with his promises the way I have fallen out of love with the true him.
Currently, I wonder who am I missing out on, and who is missing out on me.
This show really got me thinking though. How many people have we or do we dismiss from our lives based solely on a first impression? How many times have we despite our better judgement let someone in and found out that that person was truly amazing? Or how many people have we missed out on getting to know? How many people have missed out on knowing us? And finally what first impression are we truly giving off?
Let's start with my first question. I meet new people daily. I make an instant judgement about everyone without even realizing it. There is a personal checklist in my mind as I am certain there is in yours as well. Here are my basic credential list:
Do they smell? (Yes hunny, if you smell I will run as far the other way as possible. I am not ashamed of public gagging over extreme body odors either. Shower and use soap. Wash your clothes. I do, and I have a lot more going on than you.)
Are they attractive? (This works in multiple ways. If a girl I meet is attractive, it is then placed in to categories. All of us do this, so let me just admit it. If she is hotter then me, the next question becomes whether or not she is also single, ie competition. I hate being a second choice, just as any girl does. If she is less pretty, then is she single becomes important because it gives you confidence when you do go out with her. Girls like being the one getting hit on. We hate being the ugly friend. When we meet a man we also do this, except we put him in one of 3 categories: boyfriend material, date material, or friend. This is instant. Yes, we know what you are going to be to us almost always immediately and it's rare for you to change out of one of these groups. If you are put in the friend zone, either you're ugly, or you look poor. On a personal note money doesn't matter to me and I will date a poor guy with potential. Most girls will not.)
Do they have money? (This determines the whole course of your relationship. I am poor, dirt poor. I feel bad going out with people with money. This works in reverse too I am sure.)
Where are they from? (This last one has proven me wrong many times. I have friends of all races, but ghetto is not a race thing. You are either educated or not. It comes across in how you present yourself.)
Once I have a baseline grip on you I either disregard the conversation and move on to another more interesting person, facebook you, or exchange numbers which means we may actually hang out again in real life.
Where I live, first impressions of children are the most accurate indicators of the parents. Kids that have poor grammar, smell bad, are dressed poorly, and cuss a lot are always products of ignorant, uncaring and rude parents. Clean, happy kids, with clean clothes usually have parents I like and will continue to have play-dates with.
On to the big question, what first impression am I giving off. I really could careless what I have on. I shower and brush my hair, that should be good enough. My kids are clean, well-fed, and go everywhere with me. Some view that as responsible, some view it as I have too many kids all alone so there is something wrong with me. I have learned that the people that are bothered by my children are not people I would want to associate with anyways.
I think often once people get to know others they will discover certain aspects beyond appearances. For example, skinny and beautiful girls are often the most insecure. Bigger girls tend to accept themselves and have more confidence. The opposite is true in guys. Athletic, attractive men know it and brag about it. They often make the girl feel like if they don't date them, then the girl is missing out. I dated 2 men like that. One was actually hot, the other just thought he was to the point that he makes others believe it.
If it were only for first impressions, I would not be holding Austin as I type this. I had no attraction to his daddy whatsoever, but I made the mistake of giving him a chance, falling in love with his words, and watching him try to do it again to his current married girlfriend. It's sad because I know I will never fall out of love with his promises the way I have fallen out of love with the true him.
Currently, I wonder who am I missing out on, and who is missing out on me.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Hot From Far Away
I met someone last night. She was awesome and we instantly were talking like we had been friends for 15 years. Her kids were cute and got along with my kids well so we are probably going to be spending a ton of time together. See I started out in September with this crazy goal: I am going to hold a 5 minute conversation with someone new every day. Thus far, one day purely by stranger text, I have done just that. Some were weird and I most likely won't talk to them again, but some are like this girl and I will be seeing her almost daily.
Into the good part now I promise: We began talking about guys that are HFFA. They look good at a distance, but when you walk up on them, they make you want to turn and walk the other way. Sometimes it isn't even about the looks.
Many "men" look good on paper. (Ladies we all have a checklist, let's just admit it.) Job, car, his own place, money in his pocket, good credit, nice looking, educated, funny, smart, responsible, mature and caring all have their place on my list. I once a had guy that looked great on paper. He did and said all the right things, but when it came down to it, he was extremely immature, irresponsible, and just plain uncaring. He still puts on his mask as prince charming every day and some girl is liable to believe it. I pity that girl.
The truth is we all have our ugly moments. (Mine normally come first thing in the morning, messy hair, bad, attitude, morning breath.) However, after a brush, toothpaste, and some caffeine, I am no longer hot from a distance, but I am ok close up too.
I caught myself being sad this week. A certain person told me that I would be married and happy had I not had my children. I love my kids. I love the good and the bad. I love waking up to a crying child crawling into my bed after a nightmare. I live for giving high fives when my children get a perfect score on a test. I like feeding the geese, eating happy meals, and singing silly songs because my radio isn't working. I live my life for my children.
Some people want to be firemen, police officers, ballerinas, doctors or lawyers when they grow up. While I wanted to be a journalist, lawyer, and a mortician at various points in my life, I always had two other goals: wife and mom. Those feelings never changed. I always wanted a big noisy house with lots of love and laughter. I think it may be that way since I was an only child. I also wanted to fall asleep with a man that loved me and my huge family at the end of the night. I have parts and pieces of what I want, but I never ever pictured them in the way in which they have came.
My life without having children with the wrong men, would have been so much different. I would have been more financially stable. I would probably have a thriving career. I would drive a nicer car, live in a better neighborhood, and go camping on weekends. However, I don't know that for a fact. Let's just say that I would have had those things, there is nothing to say that my SUV wouldn't get hit by a semi tomorrow and kill my whole family. No matter how upset I am with the way things didn't turn out, there is no way that I would exchange it for what could be worse.
One day I will find the guy that is as good in person as he is on paper. I won't walk up on him without his mask on and want to keep walking. He will love us and be a part of our family, not complete it. We are a complete family with or without a man in it. Basically, I am writing all this because it is what I am thinking as I meet strangers. They all seem nice. They all seem unhappy though. They all have problems and so far they have all opened up to me because my life (on paper) seems worse than their own. Not one of them has made me want to turn away when they are not "hot enough".
Lesson for the day, especially when it comes to facebook, we all act happy on the outside. We all look good from a distance. However, the ones that seem really happy at a distance, are usually the most ugly close up. Just saying.
Into the good part now I promise: We began talking about guys that are HFFA. They look good at a distance, but when you walk up on them, they make you want to turn and walk the other way. Sometimes it isn't even about the looks.
Many "men" look good on paper. (Ladies we all have a checklist, let's just admit it.) Job, car, his own place, money in his pocket, good credit, nice looking, educated, funny, smart, responsible, mature and caring all have their place on my list. I once a had guy that looked great on paper. He did and said all the right things, but when it came down to it, he was extremely immature, irresponsible, and just plain uncaring. He still puts on his mask as prince charming every day and some girl is liable to believe it. I pity that girl.
The truth is we all have our ugly moments. (Mine normally come first thing in the morning, messy hair, bad, attitude, morning breath.) However, after a brush, toothpaste, and some caffeine, I am no longer hot from a distance, but I am ok close up too.
I caught myself being sad this week. A certain person told me that I would be married and happy had I not had my children. I love my kids. I love the good and the bad. I love waking up to a crying child crawling into my bed after a nightmare. I live for giving high fives when my children get a perfect score on a test. I like feeding the geese, eating happy meals, and singing silly songs because my radio isn't working. I live my life for my children.
Some people want to be firemen, police officers, ballerinas, doctors or lawyers when they grow up. While I wanted to be a journalist, lawyer, and a mortician at various points in my life, I always had two other goals: wife and mom. Those feelings never changed. I always wanted a big noisy house with lots of love and laughter. I think it may be that way since I was an only child. I also wanted to fall asleep with a man that loved me and my huge family at the end of the night. I have parts and pieces of what I want, but I never ever pictured them in the way in which they have came.
My life without having children with the wrong men, would have been so much different. I would have been more financially stable. I would probably have a thriving career. I would drive a nicer car, live in a better neighborhood, and go camping on weekends. However, I don't know that for a fact. Let's just say that I would have had those things, there is nothing to say that my SUV wouldn't get hit by a semi tomorrow and kill my whole family. No matter how upset I am with the way things didn't turn out, there is no way that I would exchange it for what could be worse.
One day I will find the guy that is as good in person as he is on paper. I won't walk up on him without his mask on and want to keep walking. He will love us and be a part of our family, not complete it. We are a complete family with or without a man in it. Basically, I am writing all this because it is what I am thinking as I meet strangers. They all seem nice. They all seem unhappy though. They all have problems and so far they have all opened up to me because my life (on paper) seems worse than their own. Not one of them has made me want to turn away when they are not "hot enough".
Lesson for the day, especially when it comes to facebook, we all act happy on the outside. We all look good from a distance. However, the ones that seem really happy at a distance, are usually the most ugly close up. Just saying.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
How Old People Do It
This is probably not what some certain guys friends of mine thought it was. This is, however, me throwing my hat in the ring for the 2020 presidential race. Ok, so maybe not unless I get a tummy tuck, personal trainer, and a super sexy husband, but still I think I could save us billions in 5 easy steps.
Step 1) Cut back on what my be purchased with foodstamps. Why? It's like this. I worked at a grocery store and on several occasions saw people on foodstamps come in and by nothing but junk food and pop. These were also obese people. These are also typically your basic family on medicaid. Thus when these people are forced to make more nutricious choices due to their lack of ability to buy the junk food, they in turn lose weight. They lose weight, and their health problems decrease. When their health problems decrease they cost less money for medical costs. All of a sudden we have generated a healthy spiral of increased savings.
Step 2) Stop allowing certain illegal immigrants to have children here and then help them with food, medical and housing. Seriously, my great great great great some number of greats grandparents came over on the Mayflower. They went through a selection process to do so. So why can't we handpick the men and women we want in our country now. We want hard-working tax payers that give back to the community. If you are not a citizen and have a baby here, sure they can be a citizen, but no help supporting them unless their consenting over 18 guardian/parent is legal. You want to come here so badly, do the paperwork. I have never been handed anything. You shouldn't be either.
Step 3) Create a 3 and done rule. If you have 3 children on medicaid we will not take away you freedom to continue to procreate. However, any child born after the 3rd child is your expense to bare. No medical, no foodstamps, no tanf. Also within this rule, give a woman ten thousand dollars to stop at one or two. I figure that yes, 10 thousand is a lot of money, but it pales in comparison to the hospital costs of just giving birth to another child alone. Also, stop paying for epidurals. So many less women would get pregnant knowing they have to go all natural.
Step 4) Lower taxes on large corporations if they create at least 200 new jobs a year. So yes we are losing some tax money, but in the giant scheme of things we are gaining 200 tax payers that are not on unemployment benefits and can provide for their families. It just makes sense. Also creating jobs in one place helps to create jobs in other places. A new factory means that there are more people with money to spend, which in turn means more people are need to work at the places where money is being spent. Also more people then buy houses and create neighborhood stability. I am not seeing a downside.
Step 5) Stop giving away childcare vouchers to people that cannot make the cost of their voucher. Example: If I was to work a minimum wage job, I would make $280 a week. If I were to put my children into licensed childcare I would spend $45 a week per each of my 3 older children to have after school care. That's $135 a week. Since Skye has asthma, they want to charge me about $100 for her care. Then Austin's care since he is under a year old at a licensed daycare is around $198. That's $433 a week just in my childcare costs. Then they order my ex-husband to pay half taking my expense to $217. That would leave me with $63 of my paycheck and my ex-husband (who is supposedly making minimum wage pays me exactly $63 a week in support) with have nothing left of his paycheck. So let's be more reasonable. Help these situations with foodstamps and housing, but let's not waste tax payer dollars on finding them childcare and paying most of it. Let's just give these people the half the childcare expense they would be responsible for and let them have the resource to work at home. Whether we start offering online jobs, or make them become licensed as a childcare provider themselves. Or wait until all their kids are in school, make them work part-time and still help with food and housing. Let's do our math.
I have other steps too like legalizing marijuana so it can be taxed and making deadbeat dads pay more child support and starting empowerment classes to teach struggling single moms to do things like make their own laundry detergent and shop at garage sales. Also if we all spent something like $63 more a year on American made products we would create thousands of jobs. Ya, I am pretty sure you won't vote for me, but at least I have a plan. What does Obama have besides nice vacations on our dollar?
Step 1) Cut back on what my be purchased with foodstamps. Why? It's like this. I worked at a grocery store and on several occasions saw people on foodstamps come in and by nothing but junk food and pop. These were also obese people. These are also typically your basic family on medicaid. Thus when these people are forced to make more nutricious choices due to their lack of ability to buy the junk food, they in turn lose weight. They lose weight, and their health problems decrease. When their health problems decrease they cost less money for medical costs. All of a sudden we have generated a healthy spiral of increased savings.
Step 2) Stop allowing certain illegal immigrants to have children here and then help them with food, medical and housing. Seriously, my great great great great some number of greats grandparents came over on the Mayflower. They went through a selection process to do so. So why can't we handpick the men and women we want in our country now. We want hard-working tax payers that give back to the community. If you are not a citizen and have a baby here, sure they can be a citizen, but no help supporting them unless their consenting over 18 guardian/parent is legal. You want to come here so badly, do the paperwork. I have never been handed anything. You shouldn't be either.
Step 3) Create a 3 and done rule. If you have 3 children on medicaid we will not take away you freedom to continue to procreate. However, any child born after the 3rd child is your expense to bare. No medical, no foodstamps, no tanf. Also within this rule, give a woman ten thousand dollars to stop at one or two. I figure that yes, 10 thousand is a lot of money, but it pales in comparison to the hospital costs of just giving birth to another child alone. Also, stop paying for epidurals. So many less women would get pregnant knowing they have to go all natural.
Step 4) Lower taxes on large corporations if they create at least 200 new jobs a year. So yes we are losing some tax money, but in the giant scheme of things we are gaining 200 tax payers that are not on unemployment benefits and can provide for their families. It just makes sense. Also creating jobs in one place helps to create jobs in other places. A new factory means that there are more people with money to spend, which in turn means more people are need to work at the places where money is being spent. Also more people then buy houses and create neighborhood stability. I am not seeing a downside.
Step 5) Stop giving away childcare vouchers to people that cannot make the cost of their voucher. Example: If I was to work a minimum wage job, I would make $280 a week. If I were to put my children into licensed childcare I would spend $45 a week per each of my 3 older children to have after school care. That's $135 a week. Since Skye has asthma, they want to charge me about $100 for her care. Then Austin's care since he is under a year old at a licensed daycare is around $198. That's $433 a week just in my childcare costs. Then they order my ex-husband to pay half taking my expense to $217. That would leave me with $63 of my paycheck and my ex-husband (who is supposedly making minimum wage pays me exactly $63 a week in support) with have nothing left of his paycheck. So let's be more reasonable. Help these situations with foodstamps and housing, but let's not waste tax payer dollars on finding them childcare and paying most of it. Let's just give these people the half the childcare expense they would be responsible for and let them have the resource to work at home. Whether we start offering online jobs, or make them become licensed as a childcare provider themselves. Or wait until all their kids are in school, make them work part-time and still help with food and housing. Let's do our math.
I have other steps too like legalizing marijuana so it can be taxed and making deadbeat dads pay more child support and starting empowerment classes to teach struggling single moms to do things like make their own laundry detergent and shop at garage sales. Also if we all spent something like $63 more a year on American made products we would create thousands of jobs. Ya, I am pretty sure you won't vote for me, but at least I have a plan. What does Obama have besides nice vacations on our dollar?
Friday, August 19, 2011
I'm Just Not That Into You
Sometimes I write about my kids, sometimes I write about my personal life, sometimes about friends, and sometimes I just write about how confused I can be. This is one of those times. Am I making sense? Perhaps not. Or, just maybe, I am about to blow your mind.
When I met my son's father, there was nothing there. There wasn't an initial attraction, thus no real chemistry. He was into me however, so I began talking to him. By our third date I knew that I could fall in love with him. I did. I wasn't going to give up, let go, or let it die, but he did. He let people eat away at his decisions and let them no longer become his own thoughts and opinions and I lost what I had.
Since that moment, I have tried to find a comparable moment. I have talked to several men. I have been on dates. I have tried the "just friends" thing and the "relationship" thing, but I have not had that same connection, and since I no longer have that connection with baby daddy, it has become the ONLY thing missing in my life. I am picky. No reason to lie. I want someone with morals, values, my sense of humor, tall, handsome, and a great dad. (That's right people I am exclusively dating single fathers. If he can't take care of his own kids, he sure as heck can't take care of mine.)
I have begun the process of becoming the woman a man would want to marry as well, don't think I am expecting the world of a man when I can't even deliver the moon. I am working out daily. (I will post result pictures at my son's first birthday party when I should hit my expected goal weight.) I am keeping the house clean, the laundry done, and my kids well organized. I am reading the Bible regularly, attending church, and praying for the right man to enter our lives and complete our family.
I guess I am having trouble dealing with the concept that this may not happen. I can hope, wish, pray and prepare for a husband all I want, but if I am not feeling it, it's just not right. I also find myself pulling away from certain types of people I formerly associated with. If you drink heavily, do drugs, or use a lot of immoral behavior to control your life, I haven't been talking to as much. I am working on being a better mother so that if and when I do find the right man I can focus on the relationship knowing that the rest of my life is in order.
My kids have been praying for me to find a husband too. They miss baby daddy a lot especially now that they are getting older and beginning to realize the type of man their father actually is. I have stopped dwelling on my personal hurt and have turned my focus on what I can do to help the hurt in others. I may walk away from this experience with many new friends, but so far I often feel like a lot of my conversations are one sided or aimed at trying to get in my pants.
I have made many mistakes in the last 9 years. Having sex again outside of marriage will not be one of them. If you know that "right" guy for me or you think you do, send him my way. I am not opposed to being set up. I want to be in love and happy again. I really want the opportunity to be all I can for myself and for my children first, but when I meet the right guy, I will just know and pray he knows too.
When I met my son's father, there was nothing there. There wasn't an initial attraction, thus no real chemistry. He was into me however, so I began talking to him. By our third date I knew that I could fall in love with him. I did. I wasn't going to give up, let go, or let it die, but he did. He let people eat away at his decisions and let them no longer become his own thoughts and opinions and I lost what I had.
Since that moment, I have tried to find a comparable moment. I have talked to several men. I have been on dates. I have tried the "just friends" thing and the "relationship" thing, but I have not had that same connection, and since I no longer have that connection with baby daddy, it has become the ONLY thing missing in my life. I am picky. No reason to lie. I want someone with morals, values, my sense of humor, tall, handsome, and a great dad. (That's right people I am exclusively dating single fathers. If he can't take care of his own kids, he sure as heck can't take care of mine.)
I have begun the process of becoming the woman a man would want to marry as well, don't think I am expecting the world of a man when I can't even deliver the moon. I am working out daily. (I will post result pictures at my son's first birthday party when I should hit my expected goal weight.) I am keeping the house clean, the laundry done, and my kids well organized. I am reading the Bible regularly, attending church, and praying for the right man to enter our lives and complete our family.
I guess I am having trouble dealing with the concept that this may not happen. I can hope, wish, pray and prepare for a husband all I want, but if I am not feeling it, it's just not right. I also find myself pulling away from certain types of people I formerly associated with. If you drink heavily, do drugs, or use a lot of immoral behavior to control your life, I haven't been talking to as much. I am working on being a better mother so that if and when I do find the right man I can focus on the relationship knowing that the rest of my life is in order.
My kids have been praying for me to find a husband too. They miss baby daddy a lot especially now that they are getting older and beginning to realize the type of man their father actually is. I have stopped dwelling on my personal hurt and have turned my focus on what I can do to help the hurt in others. I may walk away from this experience with many new friends, but so far I often feel like a lot of my conversations are one sided or aimed at trying to get in my pants.
I have made many mistakes in the last 9 years. Having sex again outside of marriage will not be one of them. If you know that "right" guy for me or you think you do, send him my way. I am not opposed to being set up. I want to be in love and happy again. I really want the opportunity to be all I can for myself and for my children first, but when I meet the right guy, I will just know and pray he knows too.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
What If We Were Wrong About Each Other
I think by now you all know, I gave away school related essentials to kids that needed it this last Saturday. I have been doing this for three years now. Every year the media reports on the line, mostly how "massive" and "impressive" it is. What they don't tell you is the impact of what this event does. They don't tell the real stories of the people in line. They don't tell you the stories about the volunteers. Some of you know my story, some are still piecing it together. For those that know, you know why I am there until 11pm the night before and back before 6am the next morning. Those stories, while important and relevant, do not compare to the under-cover stories I hear in the volunteer room. The stories are not that of the families we are helping, or even the volunteers, but rather the following is my personal conviction about the lack of administrative caring within the school.
This is a portion of the line for the people I spent the day directing volunteers where to go and help. The need is greater every year.
I have had many teachers in my lifetime. Some cared, some really didn't. I still have never forgotten how my 8th grade history teacher still had to refer to me as, "you" at nearly the end of my 8th grade year. Yes, I was quiet, but I got an A in his class. If he called on me, I always had the right answer. My seventh grade history teacher once made me stop giving answers in a game, because I was right more than I should have been. You see over the years I had learned if you stop talking, and really listen you will find the truth. Also, then when you actually speak what you say is more meaningful. The following is my "I Have a Dream" speech. While I am not Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I do think that after my Saturday all that I am about to say is valid.
What if on the first day of class the teacher didn't judge you by your appearance? What if she looked past your dirty clothes and tangled hair? What if she didn't see your backpack that you had to wait 6 hours in line to get because your parents couldn't afford it? What if the opposite were true? What if she didn't look at your $60 jeans and name brand shirt? What if she didn't look at your manicured nails and perfect hair? What she didn't notice your well balanced lunch in a shiny new lunch box? What if she didn't judge you before you arrived based on other teachers opinions? What if she decided to care whether your parents do or not? What if she decided to treat everyone as equals? What if she assumed you were smart? What if she took a personal interest in you?
What if she let everyone start on the same playing field? What if she told you that the way you are treated at home will not be the way you are treated here? What if she talked to you? What if she knew more about you than your name? What if there was no judgement placed on you because of your older siblings? What if she looked past your neighborhood, your address, and your house? What if while she cared that your daddy is in jail, she didn't hold it against you? What if because you come from these things she held you to a higher standard? What if she took extra time to love you instead of judge you? What if she decided to push you further?
What if grades were based on your personal effort? What if she didn't just pass you to get rid of you? What if you had to meet standards laid before you? What if can't was taken out of your vocabulary? What if because one teacher cared one student didn't do drugs? What if because one teacher cared one student stayed out of jail? What if because one teacher cared a little girl didn't have to go home to her drug addicted mother passed out on the couch? What if because one teacher cared a child wasn't found dead in their abusive environment? What if they cared?
What if that one teacher, turned into all teachers? What if all the teachers cared about every student? What if they all stopped judging? What if they all stopped talking about the children as a job and a paycheck? What if they saw the children as the future? What if those children had children? What if their children changed the neighborhood? What if the drugs stopped? What if they all went to college? What if they all came back to improve the neighborhood?
You see people, I spent a day in the volunteer room with the 4 teachers that bothered to care. Even those teachers talked about how when the parents don't care it's pointless to try to teach the children in the room. The behavior of the kids is so bad in the poor neighborhoods, it's almost impossible to teach anything. It left me wondering why they don't change it. If they got up in front of the students and told them they all could have an A. They were not going to be graded on their clothes, money, cleanliness, parents, siblings, neighborhood, or anything else that may be a concern for them so they could focus more on studying and less on worrying about being judged.
The differences within elementary schools within my neighborhood and the one I send my kids to haunt me. When I went to open house night at my kids' school they were great with hugs, by the teachers and by the principal. When I told my twins kindergarten teacher what I do just to get them to the better school, I knew she was going to use that information to push my girls harder instead of holding them back.
95 percent of students in my neighborhood school are on free lunch. They all have the same backpack, mostly because we give them away for free and their parents are willing to wait in line for as much as 10 hours just to get them one. The teachers are more concerned with disciplining the students then giving an education. I know not just from what I heard, but also because the "good/quiet" students have teachers that don't even know their name. If you show up and don't hit somebody, no one bothers to get to know you.
To conclude this I want you all to know I met a grandma that was a retired guidance counselor. She sent her grandchild to the school my children attend. She made the principals honor roll there for 2 years. Then she moved into my neighborhood. The child was quiet, did her work, but got all Fs except for one lone D. You may say the work was harder. I have seen and compared my son's work to the work being done here, his is by far the more challenging. So one has to ask how does a good student fall through the cracks? However, that wasn't my question. My question was rather, "how does one let a child fall through the cracks, and then move them to the next grade?" You all think about that.
I have had many teachers in my lifetime. Some cared, some really didn't. I still have never forgotten how my 8th grade history teacher still had to refer to me as, "you" at nearly the end of my 8th grade year. Yes, I was quiet, but I got an A in his class. If he called on me, I always had the right answer. My seventh grade history teacher once made me stop giving answers in a game, because I was right more than I should have been. You see over the years I had learned if you stop talking, and really listen you will find the truth. Also, then when you actually speak what you say is more meaningful. The following is my "I Have a Dream" speech. While I am not Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., I do think that after my Saturday all that I am about to say is valid.
What if on the first day of class the teacher didn't judge you by your appearance? What if she looked past your dirty clothes and tangled hair? What if she didn't see your backpack that you had to wait 6 hours in line to get because your parents couldn't afford it? What if the opposite were true? What if she didn't look at your $60 jeans and name brand shirt? What if she didn't look at your manicured nails and perfect hair? What she didn't notice your well balanced lunch in a shiny new lunch box? What if she didn't judge you before you arrived based on other teachers opinions? What if she decided to care whether your parents do or not? What if she decided to treat everyone as equals? What if she assumed you were smart? What if she took a personal interest in you?
What if she let everyone start on the same playing field? What if she told you that the way you are treated at home will not be the way you are treated here? What if she talked to you? What if she knew more about you than your name? What if there was no judgement placed on you because of your older siblings? What if she looked past your neighborhood, your address, and your house? What if while she cared that your daddy is in jail, she didn't hold it against you? What if because you come from these things she held you to a higher standard? What if she took extra time to love you instead of judge you? What if she decided to push you further?
What if grades were based on your personal effort? What if she didn't just pass you to get rid of you? What if you had to meet standards laid before you? What if can't was taken out of your vocabulary? What if because one teacher cared one student didn't do drugs? What if because one teacher cared one student stayed out of jail? What if because one teacher cared a little girl didn't have to go home to her drug addicted mother passed out on the couch? What if because one teacher cared a child wasn't found dead in their abusive environment? What if they cared?
What if that one teacher, turned into all teachers? What if all the teachers cared about every student? What if they all stopped judging? What if they all stopped talking about the children as a job and a paycheck? What if they saw the children as the future? What if those children had children? What if their children changed the neighborhood? What if the drugs stopped? What if they all went to college? What if they all came back to improve the neighborhood?
You see people, I spent a day in the volunteer room with the 4 teachers that bothered to care. Even those teachers talked about how when the parents don't care it's pointless to try to teach the children in the room. The behavior of the kids is so bad in the poor neighborhoods, it's almost impossible to teach anything. It left me wondering why they don't change it. If they got up in front of the students and told them they all could have an A. They were not going to be graded on their clothes, money, cleanliness, parents, siblings, neighborhood, or anything else that may be a concern for them so they could focus more on studying and less on worrying about being judged.
The differences within elementary schools within my neighborhood and the one I send my kids to haunt me. When I went to open house night at my kids' school they were great with hugs, by the teachers and by the principal. When I told my twins kindergarten teacher what I do just to get them to the better school, I knew she was going to use that information to push my girls harder instead of holding them back.
95 percent of students in my neighborhood school are on free lunch. They all have the same backpack, mostly because we give them away for free and their parents are willing to wait in line for as much as 10 hours just to get them one. The teachers are more concerned with disciplining the students then giving an education. I know not just from what I heard, but also because the "good/quiet" students have teachers that don't even know their name. If you show up and don't hit somebody, no one bothers to get to know you.
To conclude this I want you all to know I met a grandma that was a retired guidance counselor. She sent her grandchild to the school my children attend. She made the principals honor roll there for 2 years. Then she moved into my neighborhood. The child was quiet, did her work, but got all Fs except for one lone D. You may say the work was harder. I have seen and compared my son's work to the work being done here, his is by far the more challenging. So one has to ask how does a good student fall through the cracks? However, that wasn't my question. My question was rather, "how does one let a child fall through the cracks, and then move them to the next grade?" You all think about that.
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