In the world of technology in which we all live it is easy to get caught into a trap. Let's face it, I have 500 and some number friends on facebook. In the last week I have had conversations with about 20 of them. The other facebook friends are all people I know, or at least know through someone else. I use my facebook to take a look into the lives of other through a distance as to not actually have to be involved with them daily, but allow them the security of thinking we are good friends.
I split my facebook into three groups: those I know and see regularly (or at least talk to regularly if they live out of town), those I have been close to and talked to in the past (high school people I had class with, my mom's friends, etc), and those random adds that tend to be either fruitful or entertaining. Note that I have about 50 people on the "people you may know" link that I have about 80 friends or so in common with that I don't like so I refuse to add them.
So I guess you are all wondering the same thing, "Why is this important?". Last week I had a boy, yes I will refer to this boy in his late 20s as a boy, threaten me with....hold your breath, here it comes, deleting me from his facebook!!!! After I got done laughing, I posted his immature behavior to my status and everyone had a good laugh. By the way, I deleted him from my facebook, who is immature now??? Oh, wait that's me. LOL.
It made me consider the evolution of our threats. Our earliest was probably, "I won't be your best friend anymore." I hear my twin four year olds say it all the time. They say it to their friends, but mostly they say it to each other. Personally, I have no doubt that they won't be each other's maid-of-honor one day in their weddings. Next it evolves into, "I won't invite you to my party.", "I won't be your girlfriend anymore.", "I want a divorce.", "I won't let you see your children.". All are just threats. They are just words that have the potential to turn into action that can hurt. (I will be writing more about the divorce threat in a later blog.)
That's when it hit me, all but the best friend thing, are listed on facebook. It is a powerful tool. We use it to say who our family is, who we are in a relationship with, who we are talking to or going out with, where we are both in our lives's journey and in actual life.
So back to the threat. I didn't lose my friend. I will refer to him as Jay. Jay was angry that I would not date him. I would not date anyone that doesn't have a car, doesn't have a job, doesn't have a place of residence where they pay some form of rent, and finally someone that can barely take care of their own life. It was not that I didn't make sense in my reasoning. I take care of myself and five children on a daily basis. I pay my own rent, own my van, working on a career by going to school and sending out query letters, and make sure my children's needs are met before I meet my own. I don't need another person to take care of. Jay said he was ready for a family and wanted to be a father and a husband. I have found there may not be a man out there ready to stand next to me and join me on what I am taking care of. I am ok with that. He is not.
Last night Jay apologized. He outlined why he was hurt and offended that I would not give him a chance, so I outlined my reasoning right back to him. We are still no longer friends on facebook. I figure if other guys flirt with me or whatnot and he reads my harmless flirting back it may hurt him and start more fights and the friendship will never be repaired. Sadly, it may never be a good friendship again anyway.
I guess in a way being deleted from facebook is a real threat. You are being cut out of a huge chunk of a person's life. You miss their clever updates and won't know where to stalk them at, but I guess the greater point is why make a threat at all? Let your actions speak for you. Do what you know is best for yourself. Know that at the end of the day facebook will never replace face to face moments to say what needs to be said. Also, never break up with someone via text message. (I will cover that one later too).
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