Ok, I know what you are all thinking, Nel you have gone crazy this time for sure, but let me assure you when I say I have a reason for both my title and the madness that may follow. I was watching Oprah (I don't make a habit of it, but I was feeding my baby and the remote was across the room) and there was a couple on there that had met and married on the same day. No, they were not Internet lovers. The man was a radio host and he put himself out there in a competition for his future wife. He is still married to his spontaneous bride 20 years later and they have three children.
Join in me in my life if you will. About 5.5 months ago I was happily engaged to a man I thought I was spending the rest of my life with. Unfortunately, he abandoned me at 8.5 months pregnant with his son over a text message. (Again I will discuss text messages in a later blog along with nasty and rude gum chewing) Anyhow, we had gotten engaged quite quickly, less than a month. When it's right, it's right. He proposed to me in a letter. The following is a fraction of said letter:
"I am not one that is good with telling one how I love and care for them. It is easier for of to write it out. Babe I love you with all my heart and soul you are really the best thing to happen to me in my entire life. You are the greatest person in the world. I have unconditional love for you and the kids like you do for us. I pray and hope that God has a plan that will fill our lives with over-filling joy. God makes things happen for a reason, he brought me into your life for more reasons then we will ever know."
Clearly the reason was a our wonderful son and not a lasting marriage. However, had he done the very things he outlined in his proposal, we would still be together. Let me break that down for you. Unconditional love: you can love anyone or anything you chose to. That's right ladies and gents, love is a choice. I may have unconditional love for my children, but let me tell you, it's really not. Love always comes with conditions. I love them because they are my children. It's a condition.
Any relationship can work. I don't buy the whole, "I love you, but I am not in love with you" garbage. Either you love someone or you don't. It's simple. You can love anyone though. Everyone has good qualities and merits that continue to help make us the people one are today. So back to how any relationship can work. When I wake up in the morning I go to the bathroom. It's a good conscience decision. I have to go so I do. I then choose to wash my hands, get dressed, wake up my children, make breakfast etc. etc. With love it is no different.
I choose the effort I am going to put forth in my relationships. I choose to be nice to the other person. I choose to share in their life. I consider their needs and act upon those needs. I am thoughtful, polite, spontaneous, and I communicate. I choose to touch them. I kiss them hello, good-bye, and for no reason. I make them dinner out of choice, not out of obligation. Never see your relationship as a trap or an obligation because in fact it is a CHOICE. Get where I am going. Just like you choose the relationship, so does the other person involved. Sadly, too many times one of the partners in the relationship stops trying. They fail to communicate their needs and because their needs are not being met, they stop trying.
A lot of people don't realize that if you continue to make the other person happy, let them have their own interests, make sure they get compliments, buy them gifts on a random Tuesday, and call them just to see how they are doing, that in return they will have the other person returning the favor. Every relationship is also a competition. Believe it or not everyone wants to be the person that out-does the other. The more you give, the more you get, but keep in mind that is never why you should give.
Relationships where there is some attraction and two people putting God first and trying to make it work will work. So as for my title, getting married on the first date may not work for everyone, but keep in mind marriage after 20 years of knowing each other bares no more guarantees. I think two people of similar attraction and backgrounds could in fact get married on the first date and have a life-long happy marriage so long as they work at it. Life is about the little things. In twenty years no one will remember the exact day and time of the earthquake in Japan, well unless you live in Japan, but you may remember that day you felt like crap and your significant other sent you a flower.
In a side note: there are relationships that should not work out!!! Abusive relationships and chronic cheaters will not change and should be left without regret. Life is too short and remember you can marry anyone on a first date :)
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