I would have been happy. Our kids would have been our whole life. Every moment would have been shared in the love, joy, and happiness only expressed by the smiles showing all over our faces. The sun would have gleamed off my blond hair and I would be a perfect size 4 with a tan. We would have been lucky and in love forever. We could have completed each others sentences and never fought. The cupboards would have always been full of healthy and wonderful food and a soda could have been drank as an every day occasion. The love word would have been used more than the word divorce and the phrase, "you look beautiful" would have been the truth. However, that wasn't how things were.
How long would you stay?
If he called you fat (even if you were)?
If he called you lazy, when you were just to tired to care?
If he peed on you as a joke while you were pregnant and wouldn't let you shower until you mopped it up?
If he would rather look at porn than get laid?
If every statement was a dig at your looks or intellect?
If he punched you in the face?
If he threw pop at you?
If he made you walk 5 miles home in 87 degree weather while you were 34 weeks pregnant?
If he told you, you didn't deserve to be a mother?
If he held a knife to your pregnant belly and told you if you left you had to leave the unborn child if you survived?
If he asked for a open marriage?
If he told your friends he didn't want to marry you in the first place?
If he spent hours accusing you of cheating because he wouldn't talk to you and you found someone that would?
If he spent hours on the computer ignoring you and your children?
If he refused to clean anything even though he wasn't working?
If he didn't want a job?
If on your birthday, you cooked your own dinner, lit candles, and ended up finishing the night crying while he talked to strangers on World of Warcraft?
If he wasn't really spending hours on the roof?
If he would buy you anything because "you will just get fat again"?
If he told you he thought you friends were hot, or made you follow a chinese school girl through a mall because he thought she was hot?
If he took away your right to leave as you wished?
If he took away your phone like you were 12?
If he threw a fit and would let you keep your plans, including going to the doctor because you made him mad?
You didn't know where I was in my life, but you judged me. You felt it was easier to believe I was cheating, than it was to believe I was being abused. You didn't know, because I didn't want to tell you.
So now I will just run off to Texas because you believe everything you read reguardless of who it is from. Right? Or did I say that? Did he say that? Do you even know or even care?
When your own family only wants to believe what is more juicier or easier to believe than you know that they don't really care about you. As hard as that is to say to my family, I feel like you jumped to all the wrong conculsions. I needed help, so I turned to a friend, obviously rightly so as you all want me to go back into a horrid relationship. I had a friend help me through and all my friends knew what was going on...but you didn't. You didn't and I don't think you begin to realize how much that hurts, but then again, you don't get to choose your family.
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